A Continuous Spiral...

I feel like I've been caught up in a tornado of craziness this year. This particular post isn't about dating and may be one of the very few posts that aren't but I needed to write, to express myself.Work has been overwhelmingly busy this season and it's been hard to find the time to write and post. On Thursday, I was delivered a devastating blow. My best friend died.

I have never in my life lost someone that I was close too. This was a hard first blow. He was 37, young, healthy, non-smoker. Last week he had a stomach flu type thing and was experiencing vomiting, diarrhea, dehydration and migraines. He went to the doctor and the doc said he had a Gastrointestinal Infection. Saturday night he had a seizure. He has never had one before. A friend was with him and called 911 right away and started performing CPR. Paramedics showed up and shocked his heart back to life. It took half an hour  to bring him back but they did. He  had a CT Scan done and everything was clear. Angiogram (to check his heart) also came back as clear. He was placed on a sedative and had a ventilator put in to help him breathe since it was so strong that it could actually sedate you so heavily your body forgets to breathe. He was looking good after his tests so they decided to slowly ween him off the sedative to bring him back so he'd wake up. Unfortunately he never did.On Tuesday, I got the call that he was not doing well.  His body stopped breathing on it's own when they tried to take him off the ventilator. His brain started swelling. I went to visit him in the hospital and it was unbelievable.I was told that that was it. There was nothing more they could do. I was going into that room to say good bye to the best friend I've ever known. When I walked into that room to say what I had to say it was like being in a strange universe. All around me were other patients, in other beds, looking like death. Who were these people? So many of them old, having lived long lives. My friend did not belong here. When I saw him my heart broke. I didn't recognize him. The man that was so full of life and love was just a shell with tubes in his nose and sticking out of his mouth. His face, tongue and eyes were swollen along with his body. Computer screens beeping and buzzing all around him. I didn't recognize him, I recognized another friend sitting beside him. Everything I had to say got caught up in my throat. I bawled. It was painful to see him like that knowing that he will never recover. No hope. No answers. No one knew why he had the seizure. No one knew why as a young, healthy male he wasn't responding to treatment. Once the word got out the visitor rate was insane. People were coming from everywhere to say their good byes. A nurse said to us " I'm sorry to ask this but is he a celebrity?? I've never seen this many visitors for one patient.." . On Thursday afternoon my best friend died. I have never felt emotional pain like that before.

When people die everyone always says how special the person was. I mean you see it on the news all the time! You have no idea who these people are and although when their picture flashes on the screen and you hear things like "involved in a gang shooting" etc I don't know about you but I start to question the validity of how special that person was lol. My best friend truly was an amazing individual. He was intelligent, funny, he listened, he loved, he extended anything he had to you. He lived his life with passion, zest, and connectivity.  A community builder, volunteer, Vice-Principal, Dance teacher, a friend, a son, a brother, and nephew. He was the glue that kept us all together. There was never a time he wasn't willing to make time for you. As another friend said " He was a man that loved us all as a whole but as individuals as well." This is the truest summarizing statement that embodies the essence of who he was as a person more than you will ever know.

He loved me better than any other man ever has because he accepted me as I am. He made me a better person. He helped me through my struggles and always had  kind things to say to motivate me. He told me when I was wrong lol ( which is very rare by the way ;) lol) . He made me think things through. He was always patient with me and God knows I can tax a man's patience lol..He gave me the bare balls truth on everything because he knew that's what I needed to grow as a human being. I know who I am and I am not easy to love but he did anyway, effortlessly. For those of you saying " Why wasn't he your boyfriend?" ... because he was gay lol. He was my homosexual life mate lol. He accepted my crassness, blunt, loud, honest, open and challenging parts of my personality like no other person ever has. He was one the few individuals that saw what I truly was and loved me all the more.

I have learned a few things since his passing last week that I would like to share with you all.

Take Pictures. Even if you hate them. Pictures aren't for you but for the ones you love because when you're gone we only have pictures, memories and each other to hold on to to help us through our hard times.

Erase any dirty pics you have! God knows we had to get rid of tons before his mom found them on his iPhone or MACBook lol.

Celebrate Birthdays. On the day that person is born, that was the day your life changed whether you were alive or not because on that day your paths were fated to collide and whatever  this person added to your life it changed you, shaped you and helped make you who you are today. If they had not been born how would their lack of influence changed your life? Celebrate their birth so you can thank them for being who they are and helping to make you who you are.

Tell their parents/family members about the impact they had on your life. This seems to make them feel better. That they brought someone into the world that touched and changed lives. It provides a bit of solace. Often, we give them our condolences but we don't give back the connection their child/family member gave to us.

Live life! I know that sounds cliche but my friend lived a short but full life. He did so much and affected SO many people! He truly seized the day lol.

With that said, I bid my best friend good-bye. I thank the friend that was with him because without him performing CPR I never would've had the opportunity to say good-bye and make peace with him. I was given a rare gift. Most people just lose their loved ones, I at least got the chance to say good-bye and wish him well with the next stage of his journey, after life or whatever happens after we're gone. Maybe he's just peeping over my shoulder as I type lol. He loved Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson and I'm sure that's why he forgot to come back, to busy dancing and having the time of his after life lol. I bet he asked Whitney " Bobbi Brown? I mean, Really??" Lol. I will miss him every day of my life for the rest of my life but he taught me many invaluable lessons and I will continue them and learn from how he lived life so that maybe one day I will touch as many souls as he has. XOXOXO Dre. I will always love you. I can't believe I have to say good-bye.

BFW: Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Eyes Wide Open Part 3

In order to understand this blog please read the following previous blogs:

Being a Gentleman a.k.a. The Mysterious Oompa Loompa

BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Possible Oompa Loompa Sighting Part 1

BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Here Comes The Crazy Train Part 2


First of all, I'd like to thank everyone that's taken the time to read my blog :) .. even more so, I'd  like to thank those of you that know me and were concerned enough to check up on me! Big Hugs! That was the Barney portion of the blog... Is Barney still around btw?? lol.

Aaand she's back! The crazy train has left the building and I'm back! Woohoo! So over this last week  I had some new developments.Firstly, I've asked some guys for feedback in terms of what they thought about the blog. All of them were on the same page in terms of liking the blog and what I had to say. Although they all couldn't believe I got fooled, they were all  in full agreement that I needed to get laid lol.. Surprise surprise. Because that's a man's prescription for everything lol.. Lost a foot? You need to get laid! Stomach hurting you? You need to get laid! Got something in your eye? You need to get laid! Tired of being pregnant? You need to get laid! ( Actually that one is true! ) Lol.. If only the worlds problems could be solved with sex lol.

One guys comments triggered some self reflection though. I asked four different guys from four different walks of life for their opinion. The only thing they have in common is that they are male. With the guy we're talking about let's call him Greg. I met Greg through Craigslist once upon a time ago when I posted an ad looking for a fwb. We've never actually met but we've messaged here and there over months. At first he said he liked it. I had warned him that it was an angry blog and after reading it he agreed. He said he liked it but it was just one woman's opinion. The second part of that statement triggered some yellow flags. For me this was a passive aggressive signal so I wanted to hear what was the truth because that's what I'm after. If I ask for someone's opinion, give it to me. The good with the bad. Don't tell me what you THINK I want to hear. The other guys on the panel know this and I've told this guy more than once but he was still with the passive aggressiveness... until I pushed him. I said I was going to stop asking for his opinion because he didn't really get me. Oh boy! That pushed him right over the edge. He said I needed to stop analyzing everything! Lol... ummm this is the point of asking for feedback! So that you can analyze it and make it better! I'm not asking for a pat on the back! I want to know if I'm heading in the right direction with this blog. After that I got a slew of messages saying I'm self-righteous, entitled, insecure, I over think a lot, my recent experiences have left me doubting myself.. it's very palpable, my thinking came from the 50's, I live in a land of make believe, I don't read, I don't listen, I'm annoying, not to smart ( his exact words were " I can't believe you didn't know you were getting played!") and that he "doesn't like girls that  think they should be put on a pedestal cause they have a vagina.". Apparently he thinks that I think I deserve to be treated like a princess.. talk about not reading! Guys, I said that was what made those  three weeks great! He made me FEEL special. and that he treated me like a princess not that I deserved to be treated like one. I deserve respect. And anything I expect I give in return. Well at least I finally got some honesty out of him! lmao.. After a while I say I'm going to stop now because you're pissed and this conversation isn't getting better. You seem to think I'm a terrible person and I can't change that."  He said " I don't think you're terrible at all. I think you can get really annoying because you don't listen or read. You just want to get your point across."  Ummm... Does anyone else see how this statement is contradictory? I'm not a terrible person in his eyes but I'm entitled, self-righteous... etc? Lol God help me, if that's not a terrible person what is in this guys book?? I did ask and he failed to comment. The devil must look like an angel in his books too! Lol.

Shortly thereafter, I asked the other guys to read the article and give me their honest feedback. Now these guys know me much better. They get my vision for this blog so they don't mind the questions and they give me hardcore truth and reality.. politely and maturely... Because we're adults. Mature adults. I quickly came to realize that this guy and his opinions were all on his own. The other guys didn't make the same comments. The only thing they said they weren't wild about was seeing me exact any kind of revenge on the other guy, Paul. They all thought I should let it go. As for Greg, they along with myself, think my articles may have hit a sensitive nerve so the guy lashed out at me. Meh. If the other guys were on board with his thinking this would cause me to sit back and reflect because that is not the person I am and that is not who I would like to be perceived as so what I had to figure out was if his assessment of me was accurate or not. Having talked to the other guys I believe that his assessment was inaccurate. I hit a nerve with Greg which is unfortunate because he's actually quite intelligent but obviously not a big fan of mine lol. Ah well, what can you do? Like I said I'm not made for everybody. I'm a tough cookie. I'm hard to handle and I know it. The good part is as hard as I might be to handle I'll always have a friend's back. I'm trustworthy, I'm honest, I'm loyal, I have a good heart and I'm one of few hard ass women that's willing to give you guys a bird's eye view into a woman's mind. Tough as shit as we are, we still have a soft spot in some places here and there. Even a strong woman is not perfect or invincible. I let you guys see my vulnerability because I want you to understand that as much as I am a strong woman, even when I get knocked down, I have to get back up. Sometimes it takes a little longer but I will get back up and continue on my little journey. But don't mistake my vulnerability for weakness or insecurity. Because this is the side you don't see. You don't get to see our hurt, our pain, our anger because we are resilient and we wear fabulous designer masks! Lol

So what happened with Paul? A month has passed since that last conversation where he asked me to be his girlfriend then disappeared. It took me 3 weeks before I could write that last article because I was SO pissed off. Most people think it's because I really liked the guy. More than I should have. But that wasn't it. If you guys really read the article it was because of the utter lack of respect. The common denominator in all my articles. If he had just said something I would've been fine. Maybe a little disappointed but definitely not anywhere near Crazy Mode.

I'm talking to my Ex/Friend ( yes, a man and woman that were involved but are now friends! Shocking right??! lol). We've been Ex's for over 10 yrs, let's call him Xavier lol. We're talking about this last post and I am just venting! I'm mad at men, I'm mad at the world ARRRRGGHH! Lol Poor guy but he's a good guy for listening to me :) . Anyway right in the middle of us talking my other line beeps! I'm thinking WTF? It's 1am.. who's calling me now? I look at the phone and isn't it... Paul??! W. T. F. That was a shocker! I tell Xavier who it is and he gets all excited! He wants me to answer it. As much as I want to, I refuse. Xavier says "See how you women say you're not into games but you're playing games now." I explained myself. Guys, at 1 am you have no business calling me. If you want to speak to me you can call me at a respectable time especially when you know you're in the wrong. Secondly, I was in a pissed off state so how do you guys think that conversation would go down?? Not very well right? Xavier understood where I was coming from right then and there.Talking to a woman while she's at the height of being pissed is dangerous to your health lol. If he was serious he could call me tomorrow.

The message light started flashing. Xavier got excited again he wanted me to check it and call him right back.. you guys love drama more than women sometimes lmao ;) . While trying to retrieve the message Paul calls back so I can't answer the message! Sally ( that's my phone's name) starts asking me "Are you still there??" And I'm like "Hell ya i'm still here!" lol I have to wait until it stops ringing. When I pick up the message it's club noise. Just the one message though even though he called twice...

I eventually can't contain myself anymore and send the following message later on. " Are you serious? You're pocket dialing me from a club? At least your phone has the balls to attempt to say something... Twice." Almost immediately I get the following text messages " I'm sorry" "I'm with Shane West from Nikita and Jackie from Bold and the Beautiful." Lol Like I give a fuck??! " How are you?" "I'm at cinema" .. Are you guys ready? Here comes my favorite part... "I was in Greece for a month and forgot my phone here."  "You don't want to talk to me anymore?" OMG. Can I tell you when I read these messages most of my anger dissolved because I realized two things. 1. He really was just an asshole in sheep's clothing and 2. He realized that whatever girl he was currently dating he wasn't to wild about so he's trying to hop back onto my train. If he was happy with the other girl I would've never heard from him again... so now he's starting to doubt his choice! How so? Because he took the time to think up a lie and lying requires much more energy than the truth and you'd only do it if you were trying to get back what you lost because you believe or are worried they won't accept the truth.I swear I just gave birth to a child because I feel 10 pounds lighter! Who needs Jenny Craig??! Faaaabu!

Now guys, I have already said, I'm a fair woman because I am. My reply was " If you're really sorry call me one of these days  and we'll meet up somewhere to talk. I'm not making any promises but I can at least say I'll hear you out." I believe in trying to give some people the benefit of the doubt... not to mention at this point I want to hear if the lying will continue or will he grow a pair of balls.. like his iPhone did ;) lol .. Btw, in hindsight, I believe he called and not his pocket. Why? He was to quick to reply after my first message. When you pocket dial from a club most times it's hours later plus a hangover when you realize people are messaging you that you pocket dialed them at whatever time in the morning lol. 

The next morning I message him to say " So were those real or drunk texts last night?" He says " Let me call you when I get over this crazy hang over. Shane West is a crazy mother fucker!!!" I tell him I'll be available after 10 pm. Listen guys at that point I had work then plans afterward. I'm not stopping or interrupting my plans for this guy so if he's serious he can call me after 10pm. 10 pm came and went no call. I called and left the following message. " With a last name like yours, one that signifies courage and bravery it's unfortunate that you don't have any. You have the last name but you don't embody it and that's unfortunate and shameful. That your iPhone has more balls than you do is quite telling. I'm disappointed not only in you but in myself for believing in you. Our last date (mystery dinner theatre) when I was the only one at the whole table to figure out who the murderer was, should have been an indication that I have a few more brain cells than the average woman you're used to dating. And then you come with an excuse like, I was in Greece and forgot my phone here?? In the age of communication you couldn't find a WiFi, a laptop, an email address or at the very least email through the dating site we met on? Come on, it's been over a month, even you can't be that dense. It's sad and pathetic and I don't need it or you. Have a nice life and don't call me again." When he pocket dialed me again conveniently at 1am again ( his phone has an interesting habit of ignoring me for a whole month and then all of a sudden I get pocket dialed only at 1 am! Go figure! :-s lol) I sent a message the next day saying " Hi Paul... please delete my number. The pocket dialing is unnecessary. Thanks." That's the end of that.

To finish off this Tale of Wonder and Horror lol, I want to share a quote with you and summarize. " If you can recognize illusion as illusion, it dissolves. The recognition of illusion is also it's ending. It's survival depends on your mistaking it for reality. In  the seeing of who you are not, the reality of who you are emerges by itself."  Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth. I promised one of the guys I'd read it.. still reading lol. This is a very powerful quote because it was so true. Let's face it, I got duped. Probably because I wanted to believe. I want to believe in you guys. I've always supported and defended men. Here I am still trying to offer help, advice, insight.. a laugh lol.. whatever it is that you get from this blog. In my line of work I see the men I describe and they're married but because of them, I know these types of men exist, they're just rare. I see the joy that these women have because of the man in their lives. The point is I saw an illusion for 3 weeks. Later I recognized the illusion. And when I did, it ended and his real self emerged. I saw what he was and I refused to be fooled any longer. I took control of the situation and let him know he lost. Does he give a crap? I don't care. I am absolved. This was about him being an ass and not me being unworthy. I care that I saved myself and I know what I am. I am a kick ass woman.

As usual, I appreciate any feedback, opinions, thoughts... as long as they're expressed maturely :-) Have a Happy Halloween! And once again, Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands and Hello to my UK friends!! :D Add me on Facebook at Bf Whisperer.. :)

Back to my usual blogging... 

BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Here Comes The Crazy Train Part 2

In order to understand this post please read:

Being a Gentleman a.k.a. The Mysterious Oompa Loompa

BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Possible Oompa Loompa Part 1.



I've had a few people inquiring about my possible Oompa Loompa sighting. They want to know what happened. In order to explain what happened I need to start with what I call The Women's 5 Shades of Crazy. Basically, as a woman, speaking honestly.. I believe every woman is at least one shade of crazy lol. Here's the Craz-o-meter:

 Shade1. To Cute Crazy : This is the woman that rarely gets angry but when she does you can't help but laugh or think "Awww she's sooo cute!" and the more you laugh the angrier she gets and either looks or sounds more and more like a cartoon character lol. This shade is harmless unless provoked to Shade 2 or higher.

Shade 2. Provoked Crazy: This woman is usually fairly normal, sane, rational until... you do something to provoke her crazy side. Usually, it entails lying, cheating, stealing, betrayal etc. When you've committed one or more of these acts you send her into a rage. A rage where she goes from normal to Tasmanian Devil the minute she finds out about whatever crime you committed against her lol. God help you...

Shade 3. 50/50 Crazy: This chic is like a walking oxymoron! One minute she says she wants you to call her next thing she's telling you " You're always calling me!" Or that she's independent, she can pay her own way but can you pay half her rent? :-s Or that she likes when you're affectionate but says " You're smothering me!" Lol this woman can't make up her mind! 50% of the time she wants something and then the other 50% she spends accusing you of over compensating. You constantly feel pulled in different directions and you're never sure what she wants! It's maddening! lol.

Shade 4. Sneek-Up-On-You Crazy: Most of you have had at least ONE girlfriend like this. For months this woman was perfect! You have nothing to complain about. Everyone compliments you and tells you how lucky you are to have her. Then one day, she snaps and it's like you're talking to a whole other person! Maybe you said you didn't want to meet her parents, maybe the buddy she hates crashed on your couch and wiped his dirty mouth in her guest towels or maybe you chose the superbowl over listening to her day or possibly you didn't appreciate something she went out of her way to do for you... whatever you did she broke and became Psycho Reborn! You no longer recognize her and you want your perfect girlfriend back because this one's scary! The crazy just snuck up on you and hit you in the face like a bitch slap! POW!

Shade 5. Psycho:This chic is full on mental. After the first couple of dates she's got you looking at rings and talking about baby names! She's the one that automatically assumes you're cheating on her because you didn't answer your phone.. while you were at work.. in a meeting.. with co-workers.. and leaves 20 crazy messages about how she's gonna mail you your balls. Crazy. Full fledged. 100%. These girls need a skull and crossed bones tattooed across their foreheads :DANGER! Hazardous to your health!

That brings us back to me. Why did we need to go through the 5 Shades of crazy? Because I'm a number 2 on the scale... which means I have to be provoked into my crazy. So you ask " BFW, What pray tell would provoke you into craziness? You're such a sweet and innocent woman??!"  I know right??! ;-) lol Well here's what happened...

In my previous article about him we called Paul. Paul and I dated for 3 weeks and gentlemen I honestly can't complain about those 3 weeks. He did everything I outlined in my Dating Do's . He opened doors, arrived on time, listened  to me, chose great restaurants, paid the bill, walked me to my door etc.. I mean he really treated me like a princess! If he said he'd call or text, without fail, he did it! It gave me a sense of calm and security, it made me feel special because I appreciate all the little things like that. I don't need expensive jewelry or designer bags. I am a woman though so if you give them to me I won't say No lol .. but that's not what I'm there for. I'm there for the connection the companionship, the fun, the laughter, the romance and let's face it, some good fucking sex! So "What went wrong, you ask?" You guys tell me because I'd love to hear your opinion and thoughts on this.

For 3 weeks, as I said, everything was good. In our last conversation he called me on his way home from work and he told me about a great guy and his wife that he met on site. He said that they had invited him and his girlfriend to come over for dinner. We were talking like usual... the kind you do after work to catch up on each others day so it was a nice light vibe. I jokingly said to him " Don't forget to tell your girlfriend she got invited to dinner! lol" He laughed and said "I am telling her!" I said " Is that really how you think of me?" And he said " Yea but I didn't want to offend you." I said " why would that be offensive? That's more of a compliment!" After that we continued talking like normal until he had gotten home and was heading to bed.That was the last I heard of him. I sent a couple messages the next day, no reply. I called, no answer. I left a couple of voice mails, nothing... here comes the crazy. I'm gonna break this down for you guys so you really understand what we go through.

Step 1. Panic and worry. We start to wonder if you're ok. Did you have a family emergency? Did you get into an accident? Are you passed out in a hospital somewhere??? Worry and Panic start to set in. It's unfathomable to us that you would just drop off the face of the earth and stop talking to us for no reason. We're mature adults so at the very least the guy will say something if he's ditching you right?WRONG.

Step 2. Blame. Again we don't always stop and think first " Maybe this guy's an asshole".. Instead we think "  Was it something I said? Did I do something wrong??" We internalize and inflict doubt on ourselves thinking and rethinking about every little thing that happened the last time we spoke or saw each other as well as over the time span we were dating trying to figure out what in God's name is wrong with us! Because of course it has to be us and not him right??! 

Step 3. Reality. Things start clicking and falling into place sometimes crashing. You start remembering little things that set off yellow flags but not so alarming as to set off the red flags in our minds.

Step 4. Realization and Coming to terms. At this point you start realizing he's not sick, hurt or dead. He's an ass that has ditched you and that leads you to....

Step 5. Rage. You're ready to tear this guy's life apart! Whatever he loves you want to rip it from him, destroy it and leave him holding the pieces...You want to inflict on him the hurt he inflicted on you.. And enjoy every second of it which leads you to..

Step 6. Crazy Mode. The wheels start turning and she starts devising plans, strategies  or just a basic list of anything she can think of to cause you utter humiliation/embarrassment/ pain/loss ... anything that will  rip that smug little smile off the face you want to beat the crap out of lol... are you starting to hear the crazy talking?? lol 

I worried about the guy! At first I thought "What if he's sick, comatose or dead?!"  but then I realized his phone is still getting charged each day. I wonder, what if it was because of me?? Was it something I said or did? Automatically I start blaming myself. Why else would a guy just leave me like that unless something was wrong with me? After a while I start thinking back to the little things. His online profile had private images instead of readily available images. We always went out in my area, although in all fairness when I asked about this he said it was closer to go somewhere around my area than his since he would pick me up from my place. Fair enough since he lived about a half hour drive from my place but it did raise a yellow flag. Also there were a couple times he said he was talking to me from home but was he? How do I know? They were very brief conversations as it was usually before bed time. He called often from work but that I can tell was true based on his career choice. Reality sets in.The guy that gave me everything I wanted in a man, dumped me. Without a word. Without a call. Like I was nothing but trash. That hurt and I realize what an asshole this guy is! I was worried about him! I had started to blame myself for a man that was a coward! He didn't even have the decency to say he didn't want to see me anymore! Pathetic fucking piece of shit jerk. I. Am. Pissed! I am going to make this guys life, a hell hole.

Using methods I chose not to disclose ( C'mon, I can't give away all our secrets ;-) lol) I found out where he lives and when I'm not as insanely busy with work, I'm going to have a little stake out and see what's happening. I am a very patient woman. I will leave this guy alone for months feeling like he got off Scott free! Easy peasy! He tricked another bitch and he's laughing his ass off thinking he's the shit... until I bring his world crashing down. I will Fuck. Up. His.Shit. Believe me when I say that will be part 3 of this story. Muwhahahahahaha! LOL! All Abroad! Here comes the crazy train!! lol

The ironic thing is... all he had to say was " I'm sorry I just don't think we're on the same page" or " I'm sorry, I have a wife and a kid and I didn't expect to connect to anyone." or SOMETHING!! For cripes sake guys! I just went out on date with a guy last Saturday and had to tell him " I think you're a nice guy, I enjoyed meeting you but I don't find you sexually attractive." He was fat.. It's just not my thing. If it works for you, rock it! I'm a firm believer but it didn't work for me. Just like my slimness or petite size doesn't work for others! It is what it is... the truth. And that's ok. It's better than pulling a disappearing act on the person. If he had said something I would've just walked away. Like I've said before, I don't chase men that don't want me. Simple as that. I do fuck up men that don't respect me though.

Here's how this feels: Think of something you dream of.. Let's say a Lamborghini or a Porche or something. One day someone walks up to you and gives you the keys to a brand spanking new car and tells you it's yours! Holy shit you've hit the jackpot! At first you don't dare to believe it's yours. The guys coming back for it any minute but you'll enjoy the ride while you can! Then those couple of days turn into a week and you're thinking "Is this really mine? Nahhh no way!" Another week goes by and now you're kinda getting used to the feeling of the car.. every time you walk out the front door and see it, it puts a smile on your face! Another week passes and now you're entirely enjoying the car. The guy that gave you the keys is totally gone from your mind!  This baby is yours!! Then one day you get up, leave the house but the driveway is empty! WTF??! The car is gone. Not a scrap left to even say it was there! Was it real? You know you left it riiiight there ... How do you feel right now? Fuckin shitty right? Ya. That's what it feels like. Like you lost something great. Until you realize the guy was a fucking asshole for telling you it was yours then taking it back without even saying a word to you! Don't you just want to beat the crap out of this guy?? That feeling right there is what drives women into crazy mode... pun intended lol.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I left out the part where he fucked me and took off right? Nope. We never had sex. We fooled around a bit within the 3 weeks but still spoke after that but no sex at all... So now what do you guys have to say?? Talk to me! I want to hear some thoughts, opinions, be honest but mature about what you have to say.  I can take honesty but I can't stand disrespect... and for those of you that say " Ok BFW but is  it really worth it to mess with the guy like that? Why not just leave it alone and move on? Will it really make you feel better?" Fair questions and to that I say YES!!! It will make me feel better.. It IS worth it. I won't leave it alone because I'm so sick and tired of men always doing this women. I'm tired of their cowardly ways. I'm tired of them bragging to the boys about how they just dropped a girl and they're moving on to the next one to do the same thing. I'm so tired of the lack of respect men in general have for women. It's frustrating and angering  and I want to teach this bastard a lesson... Men rape, beat, kill, stab, abuse, abort women, wives, mothers, sisters, girlfriends, babies... What have we ever done to you guys to be treated so poorly? How often do women rape, beat, kill, stab, abuse or abort men? Think about it. I'm just tired of it plain and simple. This asshole is about to lose his shit.

Stay tuned for Part 3... I promise the crazy wears off after a while lol. Like a perfume ;-)

Thanks for continuing to come back and make my blog more popular! Please feel free to post to pass my link on to friends or post on Facebook! :) I appreciate your continued interest and as always I'm open to thoughts, comments and suggestions :-) Until my next blog... Have a good one! :-)

One Night Stands of Immortality

Guys I apologize! I'm going into my busy season at work and waking up early and going to bed late so I wasn't able to write! Anyway here it is!

This blog isn't for men looking to add a few more notches to his belt. That's not what this is about. It's about spending a Night or a few hours with a person and not only immortalizing yourself but also not being a complete dick about the hook up.

Do you know who I am? I'll give you a hint. Think of your top 3 sexual experiences. You see those girls in your mind? The way they're forever immortalized for whatever reason you deemed fit? Maybe they had on the sexiest lingerie you ever saw. Maybe it was because you experienced something with that woman that you've never been able to replicate. Or maybe she just sucks your cock better, dirtier and sluttier than anyone you've ever been with. Whatever the reason, they have found a way to immortalize themselves sexually in your spank bank  ( For those of you that are not sure what that is, it's the part of your memory you keep all you favorite sexual references for "spanking the monkey" a.k.a. masturbating. a "bank" for "spanking" hence the spank bank ;) ) . That's who I am. I'm the woman that will figure out your sexual needs in minutes, adjust and tailor my techniques so that when that night is over we may never see each other again but I have secured myself a spot as some of the best sex you ever had in your life. I don't mess around. I am self competitive.  When I'm done with you, I want you to be exhausted, satiated and in some kind of euphoric state.I've said it before, here at BFWhisperer headquarters, I aim to please and I am damn good at it... the problem is men don't.

Guys just because it's a one night nsa (no strings attached)  doesn't mean you shouldn't bring your A game to the table. I hear this from to many women and I've experienced it first hand. It's a Wham Bam and not even a Thank you Ma'am. You guys seem to confuse emotion and connection with maturity. We are grown ass mature adults! Why can't you have a good, passionate night of sex and go your separate ways in the morning?? When you guys have the woman just take care of you and hardly do anything for her that doesn't make it emotionless sex. That just makes you a selfish asshole. Plain and simple. So you guys are saying.. "But if there's any passion, connection or emotion involved the woman's gonna want more from me. She'll get 'clingy'." Not true. If you explain to a woman right off the bat that that's what you're looking for AND confirm she's looking for the same thing, not a fwb, not a companion or a boyfriend... your chances of a getting involved with a clingy woman are slim to none. Most of you just get to excited at the prospect of sticking your dick into a willing woman that you don't bother to really get those facts straight ;) and there in lies part of the problem.

I have the perfect story for this:

There are times when I'm just looking to get laid. I'm not interested in relationships etc at these times primarily because I'm going into my busy season at work and I don't have time. Anyway every now and then I'll post on Craigslist and see what comes of it. Most of the replies are ridiculous but after sifting through I might meet one or 2 guys. I met this guy, let's call him Gary, and he was cute! 10 years younger than I was at the time but I was just looking to get laid so what did I care?? lol. Gary was 24, in fantastic shape, pleasant to talk, easy going and chill. We get to the sex part and he asks me if I have any condoms. Ummm guys? WTF do I have a cock somewhere that I missed?? Please supply your own condoms. Women should not have to keep a supply of condoms in their homes for you! Do you have a set of birth control pills, female condoms or any female contraceptives in your home?? Exactly! You don't, so take care of your body and I'll take care of mine ;-) .. As it so happened I did but I  let him know right away that that was a first and last time that was going to happen. So we're having sex... It's ok... nothing special but he's a kid so I try not to expect to much. I rock his world and he has a fantastic orgasm. He rolls over and is huffing and puffing to catch his breath and I'm waiting for him to catch his breath. Usually after the fact the guy will start taking care of me and my orgasm. Except of course, he didn't.When he looks like he's not getting ready to move into action I prop myself up on one hand and just stare at him until he says something. He says something along the lines of " Usually I'm really good at giving orgasm but I'm so tired right now. It's been a long day and I think your I'm allergic to your cat." Whaaaaat??! Is this A hole kidding me? So he's allergic to my cat when it's time for me to get mine but when he was fucking me and getting his orgasm he was fine????? I just smiled and said I understood. Politely gave him his clothes to get dressed and showed him out. I'm not stupid guys. I am not yelling at a strange man in my apartment. It's just me and him and I'm not looking to get shot, stabbed or killed over an orgasm lol. The next day he messaged me to tell me what a great time he had with me. I told him, well at least one of  us had a good time! He said, "You didn't enjoy it?" What's to enjoy?? I didn't my orgasm! I told him as much and he asked if we could do it again and he promised he would give  me a great orgasm. Ummm ya, because I have Stupid written on my forehead lol. I told him, Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me... there will be no shame on my part thanks. I took a pass. Erase, delete. Good bye.

This is a classic one night stand. Most guys get in, fuck you and get out. You ruin it for everyone! lol... How? Enough experiences like this and you guys make women like me want to take a pass on the sex because it's just not worth it. What's in it for me? I can't even get an orgasm out of it! Boo! God! If the sex was good I'd be banging guys whenever I felt the urge to get laid! Now I can't be bothered because the idea of bucking up with another one of these kinda guys is just so unappealing I'd rather take care of it myself! On the plus side I always I ensure I have an orgasm and I never have to look sexy for myself lol!


What is it about pleasing a woman that you guys just don't get it? How about this.. Let's say you and I are having sex. Everything is getting hot and heavy, you're all turned on, rock hard cock, and I have an orgasm.  Then I roll over and relax but you still have a rock hard cock. I get up put my clothes on and leave. WTF... What a bitch right??! Ya, that's how we feel every time you guys don't give us an orgasm! Just because you can't see our cocks doesn't mean we don't need to get off too. Even if it's just one night, why not be immortalized as the best or one of the best one night stands she ever had??

Best one night stand I ever had? Eeeeasy...

I met someone at a bar. There was a definite physical connection right away. I was also quite drunk lol. At the time I was much younger and still learning to handle my liquor. When I got to their place we talked for a bit but I started to feel sick. So sick in fact that I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything! I was so embarassed and mortified! I mean who would want to have sex with a woman after that? Ewww lol. When I finally opened the bathroom door.. there was advil, tea, crackers and a spare toothbrush waiting for me :-o! And not a hint of judgement on their face. Talk about prepared. I was nursed right back to sobriety, brushed my teeth and we had some crazy great sex. We fell asleep and when I woke up there were eggs, bacon, toast, coffee and a plate waiting for me :-o ! We did the breakfast thing, talked like mature adults then I got dressed  and as I was getting ready to leave they called me a cab and paid for the cab ride home. Unbelievable. To this day no other one night stand has ever surpassed this.

Why was that experience forever immortalized by me? Well, it was the fact that I was treated like a human being and not a used and discarded tissue paper. We were mature adults that had a one night stand but we treated each other in a friendly manner. Just because you have a one nighter with someone doesn't mean you should be devoid of treating them like a person. We didn't exchange numbers, we saw each other at the same bar once or twice and we were always polite with each other saying hi, having a drink then going our separate ways. No one got clingy. No one got stalked, stabbed or stupid lol.Why is that so hard for you guys to do?? Lol .. C'mon guys! We'd all be getting laid more often if we treated each other like that while having one night stands.  There's nothing wrong with having a one night stand.. we all have our reasons. Heart break, work, nympho's lol... whatever your reason it's no reason not to treat the woman with a little respect, maturity and humanity.


I hope I've shed a little light, opened a few eyes and given you perspective... If not I'm always open to questions, comments and feedback :)

I think my next post will be for the married men/ boyfriends.. Why are you guys not getting laid as much as you used to? Simple answer. Because you're lacking in the romance department and wives/gf's  think you think they're not worth it anymore.... I'll explain more in the article :)

BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Possible Oompa Loompa Sighting! Part 1

Coincidentally after writing the Gentleman's blog a.k.a. the Oompa Loompa, there is a possibility I may have found one! I feel like I found Big Foot! Is this real or is the National Enquirer about to drop photos and scandalous articles with "EXPOSED!" stamped all over it? lol

What shall I name this Possible Oompa Loompa (POL) ? Hmm Let's call him Paul. Get it? POL?Paul.. lmao.. It's so cheesy I crack myself up! ;) I met Paul on a dating site. He's intelligent, funny, witty, a good listener, tall, attractive, in shape, 39, has his own home, a car and a good career, he's a good Greek man. Opa! lol  OMG. That's a lot of checks on my check list :).. moving along swiftly... He messaged me, I returned his message we got along great through email, moved to phone conversations where we really clicked and connected. We laughed, we talked, got to know each other. Guys, one thing I noticed right off the bat was when this guy said something, his word was bond. If he said he would text me later, he did. If he said he would call, he did. Every single time without fail. Impressive. That gave me a tremendous sense of security because I didn't have to wonder if he was interested in me, if he was brushing me off, if he lost interest in me...This is called Crazy Prevention guys!!! By being consistent and following through. a sane woman will feel more secure and more at ease therefore settling any potential crazy vibes... Impressive.

We decided to meet tonight to go for dinner and so far, even though I haven't met him, I like this guy so I get dressed to the nines. I even got one of my gay BFF's stamps of approval ;-) (They KNOW more about sexy than most women do and they give the best blow job advice!.. Seriously) Thank God for them!  Stone wash Asymmetrical thin form fitting leather jacket, black thin strap top, black shiny spandexy looking tights and satin black high heels. Hair and makeup, done and done! If only I had a camera for the look on his face when I came downstairs lol Priceless. It's rare to watch a guys eyes pop out of their heads but at the same token quite... humbling. I mean, I know I looked good lol. I'm a confident woman but when a woman sees it on a guys face that she wants to impress it makes a sane woman feel really special but not in that "I-think-I'm all -that- and-a bag-of-chips!" kinda way lol. He literally walked right up to me and kissed me on the lips! A nice quick one but enough to catch me off gaurd in a great way. He then walked me to his car, opened the door and helped me into it. Impressed yet again. Wow. I'm expecting Candid Camera to pop up any moment and say " Smile! You're on Candid Caaaamera!" lol Is this for real?? I sure hope so...

We were originally on our way to a restaurant that I had selected when we were about to drive past one he's been to and he asks if I've ever been and I say no. He tells me how great the food is etc so I say, "Do you want to go there? I don't mind.." and he says "Ok, you're gonna love it! It's high end and a real classy place."  I have to admit he was right. He walks around the car to open my door, he holds my hand briefly leading up to the restaurant, he opens all the doors, he knows the staff through work related business, he lets me follow the host, he waits for me to be seated.. Holy crap! I mean if I didn't know better I'd SWEAR he read my blog! lol. The place is beautiful. Looks like an old renovated mansion but with old school decor. Stained glass portions in wood, huge chandeliers, beautiful china. Gorgeous.Throughout dinner we talk and every now and then a server that knows him comes to talk to him and they exchange pleasantries and I watch the interaction. He never talks down to anyone, he's never dismissive towards any of them, he says please, thank you and excuse me. He asks about business, their families etc. Most women might mind this but I don't. I recognize that this is part of his career in terms of maintaining relationships and sometimes business and pleasure mix. It happens in my own industry all the time so I'm quite patient. I also don't mind because it allows me to watch how he treats people. When he asks about wives and kids he is genuine. It's not just small talk to him. Again I'm impressed. I swear a 3rd eye is going to pop out any minute now!... How about NOW?! An extra arm maybe? No?.. or could this be the real deal??

We talk, get to know each other more and he's open, honest, curious about me and listens well. Every now then he touches my leg or arm and a couple times just leans over and kisses me gently ( we're sitting side by side) . He's definitely making it known he's into me. Anyway, we continue with our lavish meals, drinks and dessert. I order a Spanish coffee and I get the show of my life! The server comes with a whole cart containing fresh whipped cream, a couple of shots of Tia Maria for the coffee, a plate of sugar and this burner. It looks like a huge Bunsen Burner. He wets the glass, dips it sugar and lights the thing on fire by turning it over the fire!  The fire fills the cup and is a cobalt blue and he keeps turning it. He then lights the shot of Tia Maria in a small metal dish and proceeds to get it really heated up before he pours it into the glass. As he's pouring it looks like pure blue flaming liquid going into the blue flaming glass! Unbelievably amazing to watch! I wish I could remember what it was called! I was in shock lol.. I thought I was just getting a liitle coffee with alcohol and whip cream but instead I got this incredible show! First date to remember for both of us! After our fantastic meal he takes me home. He gives me a much longer good night kiss. The kind that tells you the sex is going to be crazy hot with him... one day. Not tonight because this guy's a gentleman. We've already established with each other the fact that we're both very interested in each other and obviously very sexually attracted but it's better to wait. He actually said " I'm really glad you didn't invite me back to your place because if anything had happened so early I probably would've lost interest. I like the chase." Lol.. Is this guy for real?? Is this a Big Foot sighting?? I thanked him for an amazing night. The dinner, the atmosphere and most of his company. He walked me to my lobby and watched me get into the elevator. Honestly guys, he nailed ALL of my First Date DO's, never hit a single  DON'T and so far he embodies what a gentleman is. If he set out to impress me, then consider the BFW officially floored and recuperating :-o !!! Lol ( Don't worry guys it won't interrupt the One Night Stand Blog ;).. It's almost ready to be published.lol)


Stay tuned faithful BFW followers.. I'll keep you posted on POL who knows, maybe on the next date we'll go to the beach and he'll casually walk on water for me! At this point you never know lol ..

Being a Gentlemen a.k.a. The Mysterious Oompa Loompa's

Here's the deal guys... Gentlemen are becoming extinct! I've had a few women read my blogs and when they finish laughing one of the first things they ask me to talk to you guys about is being a gentleman. The Gentleman seems to be a rare and dying or hidden breed of man! They're like Oompa Loompa's! We can't figure out where the heck they're hiding! And trust me we have checked under a lot of rocks and have waded through some pretty crappy ponds but no luck!  Oly Oly Oxen Free guys! lol The thing is the men are completely unaware of the standards they're measured up to and what kind of expectations the woman might have, not just from you but any man. So in order to find this out I started with...What is the definition of a Gentleman from a  woman's perspective? In knowing this, you might come to understand what most respectable women measure men by. First I started looking for the literal sense of the word but in today's day it was so outdated it was ridiculous!  Something about noble birth and superior social position blah blah, ummm ya right so for the modern day version I turned to Urban Dictionary and chose the answer I thought best reflected what a woman's perspective would be:

"Something very rare today. A man who is respectful and considerate of those around him. Acts politely. Treats women with respect. Open doors for them, pulls out chairs, and is classy. What more guys should be."

Being a Gentleman isn't just about how you treat women but everyone! For example:

I was on the transit the other day and a blind man got on the bus and asked if anyone could give him a seat.. Not one man got up however three women including myself attempted to offer their seat! Obviously he took the one closest to him but do you know what he said that really opened my eyes guys?? He said, "It's always the women." :-o !!! Shame! He then proceeded to hit on her in a somewhat funny yet creepy way but that's besides the point lol.

Guys!! Seriously?! What's going on?  It's one thing to grumble about picking up a cheque but you guys don't even give the blind man a seat??  We need to work this out! 

Here's a great example of a real Gentleman :


The other day I asked a friend if she wanted to get some dinner...Let's call her Jessica. She told me to hold on a sec, came back and invited me to go out with her and a friend visiting from Florida. He's a work colleague and he flies in for business here and there so when he comes into town they hang out... Let's call him John. I ask her if the restaurant takes debit and she says yes. Great! John picks us up and we head down to the restaurant John has selected. We had a great time! We talked, we laughed, we ate, we drank. Now my friend, she's single, intelligent, successful, younger than I am but nonetheless single like me so she has experienced similar dating woes. John is also successful, intelligent and married. We talk about his wife and he really loves her! After many years of marriage he still  loves this woman deeply. He would give her the world on a platter if he could. I'm impressed. When the server comes he always let's us order first or let's us ask a million and one questions without even a blink of the eye. He is a patient man. One that has learned to deal with women through patience ... a lot of patience lol. Again I'm impressed. Throughout the conversation and dinner though I become aware of a guy sitting at a table next to us and  naturally start to compare.  John I believe is in his 40's or 50's, clean business professional haircut,  great shape hasn't let himself go one bit. Casual dress shirt, no wrinkles. The guy beside him whom I think was on a date, DEFINITELY single, 30ish, had on a wrinkled shirt with a stain or two, lacked table manners and had a pot belly that needed it's own table. Folks if you wanna be plus size do your thing but wear it well! I say the same to the skinny minis! Just because you're slim doesn't mean I need to see your belly all the time!  John is freaking married and STILL takes the time to keep himself looking good. Most guys after 30 don't (sad but true). Anyway I digress... I was basically  marveling at the fact that the married man that has a wife still puts in the effort to keep himself looking good while the single guy clearly stopped caring long ago. After dinner and dessert the bill came and I pulled out my debit card to pay for my meal. Before I could, John was handling the bill. Bowled over impressed! Oh. My. God. It's a freaking Oompa Loompa!!!  Live and in person!! They exist! Now.. where do I go to order my own? Single version please!  Is there a special form? Secret password? Do I need to pop a pill?! Oh, tell me  great Obi-Wan Kenobi! lol


You're probably thinking I'm more impressed by the fact that he took care of dinner right? I'd be lying if I didn't admit that ya, that was awesome... but it wasn't just that. It was that he truly embodied what a Gentleman was all about. He was polite, courteous, fun, entertaining, charming, treated us with respect, held open doors, allowed us to walk in front of him towards the table, picked us up and dropped us off  AND he paid the bill.. and expected nothing in return.  The married guy treated us with more class, respect, patience and manners than any single guy has in a long time! The guy should teach Ooompa Loompa 101 lol. His wife is lucky and I hope she realizes it :) .



Are you ready?? Here comes another tale from the BF Whisperers Tales of Dating Doom:

Sooo, I met this guy online. French, 40, slim, average looking, intelligent, Accountant. I should've known when I heard he was an Accountant lol *shaking my head* ...No offense guys!! He picks me up in a massive van and at first I'm thinking... "Um, do I really want to get in there??" He leans over to open the door (would've been better if he got out of the car to open the door ;) ) and when I open it, I peek in to verify there are no crazy axe murdering rapists in the back and when it's all clear I hop in. I instantly notice that the van has a faint B.O. (body odour) smell and I think "Oh God it's Eau de Pepe Le Pew! Ewww" (Hygenie gentlemen! Lol) But he's French so I'm trying to look past it! (oh stop! you know you were thinking it, I'm just bold enough to say it!)  We decide to get Sushi. I love Sushi! Yay! We look at the menu and he starts asking if I tried this or that and I say yes and no accordingly. I'm in the mood for soft shell crab so that's what I order. He orders at least 5 dishes and encourages me to try a bit of each one. Now guys, I'm a small eater. I still eat kid's meals at fast food restaurants when I go and I mean Canadian size kids meals which are much smaller than American kid's meals so basically I take a bite or 2 of each dish but nothing more because I really can't handle it! Throughout the date we get to talking and I find out that he's not 40.. .but 52... 5 years younger than my mom at the time! Really? Really.  Sorry guys, I like some freaky stuff sometimes but a guy old enough to be my daddy?... that's just to much freak for my little show!  I stick around though because I'm polite, I'm a lady... and I was curious to see how much worse Pepe Le Pew was gonna get lol.

I didn't have to wait for long because when the cheque came he grabbed it, calculated it and told me EXACTLY how much my half of the bill was to the penny, oh yes I paid for half of the 5 dishes he ordered and the icing on the cake was when he said "I'll be a gentleman and pay the tip." And I looked at this man and realized he honestly thought he was doing me a favor! Lmao! Well you guys know me by now, I paid my half but I decided he at least owed me a ride home. And now folks, we come to my favorite part of the evening!  He pulls up to the driveway of my building and starts to head toward the Visitor's parking lot. I ask him "Um, where are you going?" He looks at me with the most confused expression and said  "I thought I was coming up to your place." Whaaaaat????!  Guys?? I laughed so hard tears started streaming down my face! I mean.. Are you kidding me?? Pepe Le Pew with his cheap, lying, manipulative, stinky little self thought he was making his way back to my place? To get laid??  I mean what planet did this ape grow on?? I had to point toward the front of the building because I was still having trouble speaking through my laughter! I opened the door, got out, looked at his confused little face and thanked him for the ride home and nothing else. There was nothing else to thank him for! His number was deleted before I got to the elevator.

There was absolutely nothing gentlemanly about this guy! Guys take notes! When you go out on dates with women being a Gentleman shouldn't be an outfit you put on. As in it shouldn't be just to impress her. It should be about you, it should be who you are! Being a Gentleman is about having manners, being polite, treating dates, girlfriends, wives, wait staff, colleagues, people in general with respect and common courtesy! When was the last time you offered a pregnant woman your seat? When was the last time you helped a mother carry her stroller down the stairs? Offered to carry an old ladies groceries for her? Helped your mother, father, family member for no other reason than because they asked for your help? Treated a woman to dinner without the expectation that she owes you something for that meal?? Just for a few minutes I'd like you to honestly consider it.. :) And guys, if you're daddies, you really need to start stepping up to the plate and teaching your sons these things. Teach him not only how to be a man but to how to be a Gentleman because somewhere there is a disconnect and men today can't compare to the old school men of the past. The generation born in 70's on...Yup, this blog is mostly for you.

I believe we hold you guys to this standard because our father's and uncles are old school. This is what we expect because this is what we saw, this how we were taught a man should treat us. And if it's not them, I won't lie it's the RomCom's lol. Guys... if only you understood what a goldmine that is towards understanding what women want and what they expect. It's not a multimillion dollar industry for no reason! Open your eyes! We'll cover Romance in a future blog ;)



Gentlemen's Dating Cheat Sheet

1. Follow my First Date Do's and Don'ts Blog
2. Open doors, pull out chairs
3. Be polite
4. Be aware of your manners
5. Let her walk in front of you through doors or on the way to a table and let her choose what seat she wants to sit in. Whether she wants to sit in or out
6. Take initiative - choose a place or something to do keeping in mind things she likes! Don't leave everything up to her. If you're unsure ask her opinion but don't make it entirely her choice
7. Pay the bill
8. Make sure she gets home safely
9. Actions speak louder than words so only say you'll do something if you plan on doing it
10. Seriously read the do's and don'ts.. :)

In general guys, being a Gentleman shouldn't be a temporary thing, not just something you do for a few hours a night sometimes! It should be who you are all the time. At home, at work, with friends, family or dates. Often some of you start as Gentlemen and once the woman falls for you it stops! Why?? Now that she's with you she doesn't deserve to still be treated like a lady?? Lol come on guys! It sends a bad message! You're not ALL assholes! I have faith in you guys... well at least some of you! lol. You too can be some woman's Oompa Loompa lol! Why wouldn't you want to be a better man today than you were yesterday? :)

Oh and I almost forgot.. Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands and Welcome my new friends in the UK!! :D

Until next time folks :) .... I think my next blog will be about one night stands.. We definitely need to talk about that! lol ;)

First Date Do's and Don'ts

Ahhh first date! Excitement, fun, curiosity, our minds wander all over the place! What will tonight be about and how will it end? You're really hoping things go well. So you pick up the lady, head out on your date but as the night goes on the date doesn't go well. Later you take her home and you're wondering WTF happened and then you never hear from her again?? Has this ever happened to you? Lol well if it has,  you've probably committed some dating infraction that you weren't aware of.


Mini Story: One of my worst dates was a really nice guy that was super smart, spoke 5 languages, helped kids in Africa .. I mean we're talking on the verge of Sainthood here! lol. I met him online but when I met him in person he was still super smart and sweet but about 50-60 lbs heavier than he said he was and looked like a mess. Just from the oily, greasy, disheveled look his hair had it  was in bad need of a wash and cut. His beard was what looked to be an untrimmed bird's nest made of facial hair that had pieces of food in it. I swear I was expecting a squirrel to pop up any minute now! He had a food stain on his shirt. His nails had dirt underneath them.Coffee stain on the khaki's and old man loafer's for shoes. So you're probably thinking I took off on him right??  Wrong! I didn't, I stuck it out  and went for a coffee with him but I did tell him he wasn't my type. He is a classic example for this article because he must've been wondering WTF because he doesn't realize his lack of hygiene was a real turn off! To many dating infractions committed and that was his first and last date with me.

I therefore title this blog: First Date Do's and Don'ts


So Let's start with the DO's :

1. Show up on time!! If you're running late don't just show up, call or text. This shows responsibility and awareness of other peoples time. Some people are real sticklers for time and lateness makes them feel like you don't appreciate their time as being just as important as yours.

2. Compliment her! Women go through extraordinary measures to prepare for a date! lol They do their hair, make up, sometimes buy a whole new outfit, shoes etc.. When you don't notice that puts a damper on things. Every woman wants to feel beautiful. That's why she goes through all that madness! She wants to look good for herself but she also wants YOU to think she looks beautiful. And don't be creepy about it! Saying you love her feet instead of her shoes.... Eww! big no no. Saying her ass looks PHAT in those jeans big no no. Saying you like her top as you eye rape her cleavage... big no no. lol. Keep it simple. "Wow, you look really beautiful!" Or "You look stunning ". Keep the compliment about the whole package if possible instead of zeroing in on a particular feature or body part. Lowers the creep factor increases the gentleman factor ;) .


 3. Show some sense of chivalry! This doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call but women are often impressed in this day and age if you remember to open her car door, open the door to a restaurant, pull out her seat, pay the bill, walk her to her door etc. I'm not saying you have to do all of them but the more you do the more she pays attention. It's the gentleman's way!

4. Wear clean clothes and be hygenic! I can't believe I have to say that but I do. I have been on a few dates where guys show up with stains on their clothes, dirty shoes, unwashed hair, beards that look like they contain nests etc. Dress appropriately. Make sure everything is clean, pressed or at the very least not wrinkled ( looking like you crawled out of a laundry basket isn't cool either lol). Whatever your style is have some pride in your appearance and look good whether it's a good date or not at least you look hot ;) . Trust me, she sees every little thing.

5. Pay the bill guys! Again, I can't believe I have to say that but I do. So you're thinking, why do I always have to put up for the bill right? Simple this is just part of being a man from a woman's perspective. It shows her you have some decent upbringing when it comes to treating a woman like a lady and that you're not cheap. Here's the thing. Women like me, have careers, pay rent/mortgage/bills etc on our own so if we're going to have a man in our life is that a need or a want? That's a want. She doesn't need you to pay the bill she can pay it herself but when you pay it shows you're displaying old school gentleman qualities and a lot of women really like that. I've been out on dates where the guy will order all this stuff to eat then ask me to pay half the bill! I'm a small eater. Kid's meals fill me up so when a guy does that I never say a word. I always come with money, I pay half then I find my own way home and he never hears from me again. Ever. Erase delete, he's done. Cheapness is inexcusable to a lot of women. Does that mean we'll never pay?? No... but definitely further down the line.

6. Have little to no expectations. At the end of the date, politely put your date in the car, walk her to her doorstep ( for fear of bad people hiding in the shadows! lol),  give her a QUICK hug and or kiss and call it a night! I know, I know!!! But you wanna get laid!!! lol If she has any intentions of screwing you... she'll invite you in herself. Some women need time others need hrs. If you feel like just because you paid for dinner she owes you something ( think again!) she'll sense that and be prepared with an excuse in no time however if you give her a quick hug/kiss and leave, it tells her you're interested but you're not expecting her to give you sex for a meal which earns serious points in her book!  At that point she may invite you in OR she may not because she's a good a girl and wants to wait to see if you're serious. Both ways leave her with a good impression providing the date went well.

7. Make sure she gets in safely. Always watch her walk through the front door. If she lives in an apartment make sure you see her get in the elevator and she calls or messages you when she's through the front door. A man that's concerned for a woman's safety? Big bonus points. Most guys sulk away and don't pay attention to this little detail. When a guy's concerned for our safety that sets off a primal instinct. "This guy wants to protect me, he cares about my safety." Most women like feeling protected and safe. It's one of those things men can provide which can make a big difference. I once had a woman say to me that if the guy drove off before she got through the door it was an extreme turn off. When I asked why she said it was because he didn't care to see her in safely. She took that as selfishness. Even if the date doesn't go well, be mature and still walk her to the door. At least you can end the night being a gentleman which is more than a lot of other men can say.

On to the DON'Ts... ( and guys, this is not meant to be insulting or offensive to anyone you. Just honest, straightforward and helpful because chances are if you know you've done any of these things then no one's taken the time to be honest and tell you. That's what I'm here for :) )


1. ...Curse or use of vulgar language. It's one of those unnecessary things that some men  do on dates. It sounds ignorant, unintelligent and aggressive. It can become an instant turn off and signal possible excessive aggression to a woman. Try to keep the language clean and the conversation flowing.

2. ...Spend all your time talking about yourself. When you're on a date you have to remember it takes two people to be on the date so conversation should be a two way street in terms of learning about each other and not just her learning about you or vice versa. I have actually timed some guys as to how long they can spend talking about themselves without ever asking a question about me! It's unbelievable how long a guy can talk about himself without thinking twice about it! It's such a turn off. And sometimes when the man actually does ask a question about me, often he'll cut me off and redirect the conversation back to himself! He does that simply to say he tried to ask questions about her but if  you ask him what he's learned about her, he can't say much of anything because he's spent the evening talking about how wonderful he is, what a great catch he is ( his mom, sisters and female friends ask him why he's still single all the time - Um seriously?!) and how successfully he is and what a nice ride he has blah blah  blah.. I'm usually bored enough by this point to create an imaginary phone call or just plain tell him we're not right for each other. I drop my money on the table and I'm out.

3. ...Get to touchy feely. Gentlemen, no matter how long it's been since you've gotten laid, please don't manhandle your dates. Nothing says "Run" to us like a guy with sticky hands. Usually appropriate touching could be classified as a brief touch on  the small of her back as a hostess leads you to your table, brief touches while laughing on the hand or arm. Inappropriate usually falls in the line of lingering touches anywhere unless encouraged or anywhere around the breasts/cleavage and anything below the waist and above knees. Best way to gauge this is by her reaction. If she stiffens or shows any signs of discomfort, your touch regardless of where it is, is making her uncomfortable.

4. ...Check other women out during the date. When you're on a date with a woman try to keep eye contact with her instead of checking out the other women around you. When you do it shows that you're paying attention to her, listening to her. When you're not it shows that you're not interested, that you'd rather be on a date or in bed with that woman than the one that's in front of you and even if that's the case it's just plain rude to show it. She might as well call you ugly, tell you about your bad teeth/breath or that she thinks you're lacking some equipment in front of your pants.. yet she doesn't because it's just plain rude lol! And don't think you guys have us fooled with the sly looks you think we can't see because trust me we've noticed we just aren't saying anything. This is how you create jealousy in a woman.. avoid avoid avoid!!!

5. ...Pick up phone calls or texts. Nothing says rude like you picking up calls and returning text messages throughout a date. Focus. This woman is here, everyone else can wait a couple of hours. The only person you should be calling is a babysitter or a child if you have one. And it's polite to give that warning early in the date. A reasonable woman respects and admires the fact that you want to check in and stay in contact with your child. An unreasonable one doesn't. If she shows any signs of being jealous or upset that you're calling your child - abort that date asap! That is an early warning sign that she doesn't want to share you and when you're a parent that's a non-negotiable rule.

6. ...Bring up the Ex. This is a conversation for later. IF it has to come up keep it brief don't dwell on it. Your date with this woman has nothing to do with the last one.Learn from your mistakes but don't hold future women accountable for what your ex did to you. If your ex cheated on you ( that sucks, I know what that's like) it doesn't mean that this woman will. Give her the benefit of the doubt along with a clean slate. There's nothing like being in the shadow of the ex. If you're not over her don't start dating to get over her because it doesn't work. You're just using that woman as a distraction which makes you no better than your ex. Tidy up life and your feelings for your ex BEFORE you start dating again.

7. ...Say you'll call when you have no intention of calling. Keep your word! If you say you're going to do something, DO IT. If you know that you have no intention of calling the woman back or seeing her again don't tell her that you will! Again this creates craziness in some women because you lead them to believe things are good, everything's ok and then you just drop them. It's confusing so what does the woman do?? She starts calling, texting, emailing looking like a psychopath when all she really wants is an answer. If you wait to long then finally give her an answer of course she'll be pissed and ready to tear your head off! Be honest. At the end of the night simply say " It was nice meeting you, have a good evening." Walk her to her door ;)  Done. End of story. If she asks about calling or going out on another date simply and gently tell her you don't feel that there's a connection. Most women may not like it but they'll understand it and it allows them to move on from you without invoking the crazy in them! If you do plan on seeing her again and say you'll call/text/email tomorrow, DO IT! Not the day after but the day you said. Keeping your word shows maturity and builds trust. Sometimes you can't but be  straightforward. Call ( not text or email) it's more personal this way and say " My meeting's running late at work,  I won't be able to make dinner tonight, i'm sorry. Can I make it up to you tomorrow night?" or something to that effect based on your circumstance. This is still trustworthy and shows maturity, respect for her time and a genuine continued interest in her. Stuff happens and we can be understanding if you communicate and talk to us.


 First dates are about first impressions and getting to know each other. Stirring interests, excitement, butterflies in your stomach, curiosity and new possibilities. This is the time to start new and fresh and to be open to a new person that may be able to add something to your life :). These Do's and Don'ts aren't etched in stone lol. They're simply a guide based on my own personal experience as well as similar common complaints I hear from other women. The difference is they just don't tell you whereas I, your BFWhisperer will ;) .

I hope this blog was helpful and as always I'm open to questions comments! On a side note, I've noticed I have a strong following in these countries so I'd like to say:  Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, and Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands! Thanks for reading and I hope you've found my posts helpful and at the very least entertaining!

Stay tuned for my next post :)...

Internet Dating and Profiling

Is it just me or do you find it hard to meet someone the good old fashioned way in today's world?! It seems that you can't go out and just meet people randomly, through friends or at a party/club and if you do it's often with the intention of hooking up... but what about men and women that actually want to date and don't have a lot of time for the bar scene or maybe you just don't enjoy it.. what do you do then when you have a busy career, a child or two ..or more, and you want someone to hang out with, talk to, laugh etc?

Welcome to ...INTERNET DATING!!!! lol

For those of you guys saying "whatever I don't need the internet to pick up women!" When you think about it, it's a logical step in the world of technology! We have 3D tv, iPhones, cars with cameras to help you reverse... so why not dating through the internet? Look at it as a virtual bar! Don't take it to seriously but it expands your options! There are tons of dating sites, some are paid some are free. Pick one or two and check them out. What kind of people are there? Do you see a few women that pique your interest? If so sign up! What have you got to lose? Keep it safe, screen the emails and voila! You've just moseyed into the virtual bar!

Here are some of my tips for internet dating:

1. Profiles.. Fill them out! This is the time to introduce yourself, talk about things you like/don't like, what you're looking for and to tell them a bit about your personality. Quite a  few people start off their profiles with "I dunno what to say, it's so hard to talk about myself here".. really??? Because you have no problem talking about yourself in person! Just start typing as if you were talking! Also don't just say " hey I hate filling out these things but feel free to ask me anything you like." This is both a very lazy and negative statement. If people are already  internet dating it's because time is of the essence. Why do you think they have time to sit down and ask you questions about yourself in which the answers should already be in your profile? And lets not forget it's you plus a million other guys saying the same thing! It doesn't have to be a book but keep it fun, unique, and looking like you genuinely want to meet someone. Women will reply to that more so than "I hate filling out these things."

2. Pictures. Extremely important! Most online profiles actually have the option to not receive emails from people without pics, it's that important. Upload 3-5 shots at the very minimum. At least one clear head shot where you're smiling and facing the camera not the side of your face. One upper body shot and one full length shot. Why? Because she wants to know what your face looks like! Do you have nice teeth, do you have nice eyes hence the head shot. Upper body is good because it gives a good idea from the waist up how you look from a short distance. Full length shot gives the idea of what you look like overall. Make sure that the head or upper body shot does not contain a shadow, is not blurry, and you're not wearing either a hat or sunglasses...why?? Because they block your face! Is she looking to date you or the hat that's covering half of your  face?? lol Come on guys let's be real!! Let me guess.. some of you are saying but it's a style!! Ya well she can see that style in a full length shot or in person! Try to avoid goofy pics. Most of the time guys think these pics are funny and show their "fun side" but to a woman most of those pics translate as ridiculous or unattractive next thing you know she's clicked on the next profile. Don't worry guys you'll have plenty of time later to show her this side of you! Make sure the area is well lit and preferably get someone else to take the pic for you. Many women seem to not like self shot pics. Now I don't always agree with this one but I have seen many women complain about  it( I don't know why!!) but I'm putting this out there for them. Please keep your shirt on! lol Literally.  I've seen a lot of women complain about to many shirtless pics! Personally I'm of the belief that if you have a nice body rock it out! I never mind seeing a nice set of abs but hey some do so there you go lol. Last but not least.. Make sure the pic is recent. As in within the last 3 months. NO ONE likes the shocker when their date shows up and they're 100 lbs heavier and 10 years older than their pics!! :-o  !!! Not cool! Whatever you are, BE HONEST about it.

3.Contact. So at some point you start reading profiles looking at pics and decide "hey this girl looks cute, I like what she has to say I'll send her a message." For God's sake men say something worth responding too!! Say more than one or two words rather than just saying Hi or how're you... there are 10 other guys that have already messaged her the same thing! She often won't bother replying. Be polite but brief. " Hi.. I came across your profile and you seem really_______ ( funny, sweet, interesting, intelligent etc) when you have a minute take a look at my profile and if you're interested in getting to know each other I'd love to hear back from you! Thanks_____ (insert your name). What does this say? It means you took the time to read about her not just look at her pics, it shows you have manners and can speak politely and respectfully ( women love gentlemen), and you commented on HER and not how she looks. 9 times out of ten men shoot themselves in the foot by commenting on her looks first. Does that mean never say she's pretty or attractive? No. Just don't make it the first thing. If women think you're just talking to them because you like her ass or their breasts you're dead in the water lol. They don't like being objectified. Most sane, intelligent attractive women want a man that sees what's between her ears and values it as much as he values her smokin body ;) get it? Now does this mean it will always work? Nope. But you're more likely to get a response than if you continue using one or two words. And PLEASE spell out your words!! These U R CUTE messages. I don't care how intelligent you are but it looks like you're dense when you send a message like this. How much time does it save you to leave out a couple of letters?? Take a minute and type the message using real words not fictitious lazy attempts at words.

4. Texting/Calling. If you have gotten to this step Congratulations! You've made a connection! Keep the texting brief but polite! Simply because so many messages lose their translation. How many times have you sent what you thought was a funny message only for the person to be upset, confused or mad? Right. Keep it simple. Calling is very important. Often you can hear things that turn you off or on just by listening to the person's voice, the way they speak, the sound, and their ability to hold a conversation. you'll be surprised how much you can learn by a voice and this will do one of two things. Either you'll feel more encouraged to meet the person or you'll be glad you didn't and saved yourself the time and money lol.

5. Meeting. Guys I have to say... I don't believe in coffee dates. Meeting the person for the first time is all about first impressions! As a woman I'm not going to get myself all dolled up to sit in front of a Starbuck's. it's an absolute waste of time. And I'm going to say it, and some of you won't like it but... it's just plain cheap!! Some of you are pissed now because cheap people don't like being called cheap ( unless you're a recovering addict of any kind--you get a free pass! :) ) but that's the truth of the matter. If you're really interested in a woman do something nice! That doesn't mean you have to break the bank either! Meet for a drink- yes an alcoholic beverage! IF you guys get along share an appetizer :). If she's a vegan or non-drinker source out a nice vegan cafe where you can get a nice pastry or dessert or something ( she'll love that because it shows you're listening to her, you're taking her into consideration, and you care to impress her) . Or a nice coffee place that's more than just a coffee place! For example, here in Toronto there's a great cafe in the downtown core called Snakes and Lattes where you can go get a coffee while playing any one of their over 1000 board games! It's fun, unique, very affordable and a great way to get to know someone :).

6. What to wear. Dress appropriately. How many dates have I been on where the guy just wasn't dressed properly??  Here's a check list:

• Shirt/pants ironed? - no one likes when a man looks like he's crawled out of a laundry basket lol

• Teeth brushed? No one likes bad breath. Make sure to brush your teeth just BEFORE you go on your date.

• Stain free? Please make sure all your clothing is clean and free of stains.

• Hygiene? Shower, shave, deodorant, clean under the nails, ears, shampoo hair, toe nails trimmed and clean looking if you're wearing sandles and don't think she won't notice!  I know what you're saying... Are you serious?? Deadly. A lot of men forget to do one or more of these things believe it or not lol.

• Breath Mints or gum? Always have some on you just in case you eat or drink something that alters your breath. If your breath smells bad at all you can KISS your good night kiss goodbye.. cheesy pun intended :p lol

• If you have a beard make sure it's properly trimmed or well maintained.. if you're not sure ask another woman that's not your mother, sister or family. 

• Same goes for your hairstyle whatever it may be keep it clean looking.

7. Clean your car. Remember first impressions. You don't want to open the car door for her only for a bunch of garbage, books, wrappers and other items to fall out before she gets in! Take a few mins before the date to clean it up and make it presentable. The car is an extension of you. In a woman's mind.. If his car looks like this.. what does his place look like? Maybe he's not a very clean guy.. these thoughts alone can start to put doubt in her mind about exploring things further with you because let's face it if your car/home hygiene is bad then what will that say for your personal hygiene?? And where do you think that leaves you at the end of the night? I'm not saying that will happen but you don't want to start the date off putting doubts in her head lol.

Remember, when it comes to internet dating, your profile and your pics are your selling tools. So take the time to make it reflect who you are as best as possible.  What you're aiming to do is get women interested enough in your profile to stay on your page and email you instead of clicking NEXT!  When it's done, if you're still not sure ask a good female friend to review it and give you some HONEST, helpful advice.


 Those are my tips for internet dating! I hope they help! Please feel free to ask questions, post comments etc. Good Luck and stay tuned for my next post! :) 

Origins of the BFWhisperer

Sex. Dating. Relationships. One Night Stands... Guys you really need some help with all of it! This blog is born not out of anger, bitterness or hatred for the male sex but just pure unadulterated frustration! I  want to create this blog to help me get it out but also through my stories I hope to offer you a perspective you never thought of or realized and to give a you a good laugh in the hopes that you learn something that helps you to understand the women in your life and how your actions affect them but also I hope my stories, advice or recommendations make your life with women a little easier :) .

MY DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert when it comes to anything I speak about in this blog. Everything is based on my experience and perspective. I can not and will not be responsible for the fall out of anything you chose to do based on this blog but I can say I will always be honest, straightforward and will act with the best of intentions. The only thing that will not be true in this blog are names, locations or identities and pics should I chose to include them later. Most likely it will be a pic reflective of the topic but not from any actual person in my stories or blog.

So... what prompted this blog? A guy  who was supposed to have sex with me and stood me up. We therefore title this first blog...

COURTESY

Let me give you some background information about myself. I am 35, attractive, 5' 2, 118 lbs, slim petite, single black female (sbf) and I'm in the gym 3-5 /wk. I work a lot and it's not your typical 9-5 job.I've never smoked a day in my life and I don't do drugs, never even tried one that wasn't an over the counter including weed. Hello and welcome to the rare Black Personis Non-Weedis. A truly  rare and remarkable species.. says the old British Narrator lol. I try to date but it's hard to find the right kind of guy in my age category that hasn't let himself go ( this is a whole other blog). In the meantime I was looking for a fwb and found one in a 28 yrs old student in a Ph.D program. I find intelligent men incredibly  hot! lol.. And he's in the Army Reserves.. more hotness lol. Anyway we've had sex here and there over a couple of years but never anything consistent. We've always stayed in contact.  Well this year I had sex with him earlier in the year but since then I have had a world of health problems.

In December I pulled a muscle in my chest while sneezing! I mean seriously??! who does that??! ME!  So I decided to stop working out so that I wouldn't  re-injure or further injure the muscle. After a month it hadn't gone away and was in fact getting worse. I had also found out in October that my PAP test came back as abnormal and although my doctor assured me that that was normal and happened to a lot of women I was sure it was serious. She said I had 2 options: 1. retake the test in 6 months or 2. see a Gynecologist and get biopsied. Getting the biopsy done would get definitive results and I wanted to waste no time so I chose option number 2. So in January I went in to get the muscle looked at and I had the Gynecologist appointment later in the month. Guess what happened??? I found out that my blood pressure (bp) was consistently to high for my age so I'm sent for a slew of tests. Ultrasound, ECG,  and blood work. Turns out I need to see a Cardiologist! I go to the Gynecologist and the results from the Biopsy say I have Pre-Cancerous cells so I'm scheduled to have a minor surgery done to remove the cells from my cervix... oh and did I mention the doctor was  good enough to give me these results just before I went on vacation for 2 weeks??? OH YA! Good times!!! So.. Recap. I'm 35, take pretty good care of myself, I have high bp, and pre-cancerous cells in my vag jay jay!!! The Cardiologist makes me take home a portable bp monitor where I take my bp every day for 6 weeks AND I get the pre-cancerous cells removed in April (there's nothing fun about being shot up with adrenaline deep deep DEEP in your vag jay jay while you smell the doctor burning off your flesh to remove the pre-cancerous cells!! Oh yum :-s  )  where I spend the next 4  weeks bleeding profusely. I was exhausted, tired and feeling generally crappy and unattractive. And because I was not allowed to work out with all these things going on I gained 12 lbs and got flabby. I hated it. I felt so very unattractive. Now honestly, I didn't get fat. It was just that I was used to my body being firm, tight and toned so losing it and becoming the way I looked, my self esteem tanked. Anyway moving along swiftly.. At the end of May I was cleared to go back to the gym! Yay!!!! I started in June and it has been a process. It's so easy for the body to go from firm to flabby but in our 30's it's so hard to get it back! 6 weeks in and I'm just starting to see signs of my old body coming back. I've lost 6 lbs and things are slowly on the rise for me physically... which brings us to this evening. Why did my health history matter?? It's been 6 months since I've entertained the idea of having sex. 6 MONTHS!!! I am a sexual being!! I need to get laid! I enjoy sex! Both giving and receiving. I'm not shy! My self esteem started to come back and so  did my libido! Gung Ho!! lol So I called upon this guy to help me get mah groove back! Let's call him..Paul. Paul is REALLY good at Fucking. He sucks at foreplay and oral but he's got a great package and knows how to use it! We've had sex before, we've had issues before but I thought for sure he'd come through this time. I even messaged him last night and asked if he was coming and he said "ya why?" And I said " Just checking, wasn't sure if you were still coming." Didn't hear back from him but didn't think anything of it either.


I run home after work today, I tidy up, I shower, scrub, shave, brush my teeth, moisturize my body so that everything is smooth and sleek like silk! I like being touched and when the skin is soft and silky men enjoy touching more and here at BFwhisperer headquarters, I aim to please ;) lol. I get dressed and ready, he should be here any minute.... except he isn't. I wait 5, 10, 20, 30 mins... I realize.. he's not coming. I text him no reply. I call him, the phone's off. I am royally pissed! After 6 months of no sex I really wanted to let loose some of this built up tension. In short, I need to get fucked.  Not to mention.. first time with this new vag jay jay! I wanted to know if it would change things! Would I feel more? less? Could I still have sex the way I had before? I've read so many other women's comments on other sites post surgery and there are so many different views on what happens afterward that I wanted to experience it for myself. Finally know... All he had to do was call or text. At least respect the fact that I'm at home waiting for him to rock my world! I get that life is busy but guys, life is NEVER so busy that you don't have 2 mins to send a message and say " Hi, sorry I can't make it tonight... any chance I can make it up to you tomorrow?" or whenever is best to reschedule. It all just comes down to common courtesy. Even better yet is having the courtesy to be man enough to pick up the phone in this day and age of text and email to personally deliver a heartfelt apology for the cancellation with the offer to make it up. Most sane women will be perfectly understanding about that given the reason is a good one. The crazy ones will bite your head off no matter what the reason lol. I can't help with that part, crazy is crazy! lol


The Moral of the story is: Show the woman a little respect and courtesy and you're bound to save yourself the emotional break downs, cursing, silent treatment etc. and possibly ensure that you continue to get laid lol. No matter what type of relationship you have with a woman from (no strings attached) NSA to Marriage, a little respect and courtesy go a long way.



As for Paul? He's been sacked. That's the end of his season. His contract will not be renewed. I can burn his jersey and pitch it off the top of a building lol. He's Done.

So there you have it gentlemen! That is how the birth of the BoyFriend Whisperer came to be. A legend to be told far and wide until the end of  time. What does the future hold for our  dear BFW? ... says the Old British Narrator lol <--- I love this guy! lol


Until next time folks... :)