Indiscretion and the married man.... oooooh dicey topic! lol Back in my 20's I thought I knew it all when it came to this topic. It was simple. When you're in relationship whether it's long term, engagement or marriage.. you just don't cheat. Plain and simple. Black and white.. except it's not, and as the years flew by I begrudgingly and slowly started to notice that there was this small gray area where the lines of black and white met and became blurred and I no longer had a clear answer. It's like watching the TV show Dexter! You KNOW that murder is wrong! But when Dexter kills a Pedophile or a Rapist we're the first ones with poms poms in our hands cheering him on! Wooohooo! We're actually cheering for someone to do the thing we know to be wrong even though we believe it's justice... did you see it?? That little shade of gray right where the black and white meet? Sneeky little sucker! Over the years I've found myself in situations where I've begun to understand why some men end up cheating on their wives. Do I condone it? GOD NO! I can say however, I'm not so quick to judge any more.
For some reason, the only guys that hit on me are guys that have nothing to lose lol. Married men are attracted to me like bees on honey! lol Not to mention, men with no jobs and men that live at home with their moms. Why are these guys attracted to me? The men with no jobs and the ones that live at home with mom see strength and confidence... in other words someone to take care of them. a.k.a. Their Momma lol. But married men? They see that too but they see greener grass. Here's a woman that hasn't given up on her figure. Here's a woman that sees me and not just my wallet or all the imperfections.She's not bitching at me! Here's a woman that will give me affection. Here's a woman that WANTS to fuck me. Did you guys know that most times when guys cheat on their wives they're not usually with overly stunning women. They're with normal or average looking women that give them affection. Both physical and emotional, even if it's just for an hour or two. Often men cheat because this is what they crave. That's when my line between black and white started to get blurred. I thought all these guys cheated because they were just straight up assholes. Guys that wanted more than just the cake, they had to have the pie too! Let's face it, some just like a strange new hole to fuck. I hated these guys. I swore up and down I would NEVER get involved with a married guy because karma would bitch slap me across the face and God knows my life is already like a freaking gong show when it comes to men, who the hell needed another episode of Dating Disasters - Crazy wife edition ??? lol.
Soo of course that meant I had to meet....let's call him Jeremy. Jeremy I met through Craigslist as well. I think I had thrown the fishing line out again into the Craigslist pond again for a FWB and came across Jeremy eventually. Jeremy is not my typical kinda guy. He is in great shape.. but he's hairier than i usually like and he smokes. Smoking is a big turn off for me because honestly guys, for a non-smoker it tastes disgusting. Your whole mouth tastes like nicotine not to mention your other body parts. Yup. The OTHER body parts lol... for the slower guys those are your cock and balls lol ;). Even your skin, if we lick it, we can taste the nicotine coming out of your pores. Yuck. Moving along swiftly.. Jeremy and I meet and we get to talking and I find that I really enjoy his personality. He's super intelligent, laughter and conversation comes easy so I ask a typical question when I meet a nice single guy.. " So tell me, why are you still single?" This is a sink or swim question lol. This is your time to spill the beans or desperately try to hide them lol... Remarkably, he spilled! He fessed up to being married and having four kids. Obviously right off the bat the mood changed. This is the point in time where many women get up and leave but not your dear friend the BFW lol. Curiousity and the cat?? Shoot, That's my middle name! lol.. I think it takes balls to admit to a woman you're on a date with that you have kids and a WIFE?? Jesus, that can go so many ways from a drink to the face, a slap in it's place and you standing alone looking like a sorry case lol. My first instinct was to automatically hate this guy and judge him for being a bad husband and leave... At the same token he could've been like many other assholes and told me everything I wanted to hear, screw me then leave me like most men would do but he didn't. I felt that for that level of respect I at least owed him an unbiased ear.
We talked for a long time, his story was definitely filled with twists and turns from getting pregnant and married in his early 20's to finding out his wife had been sexually assaulted when she was younger (she never got into details about it with him) to they hadn't had sex in over 6 years! 6 years???? Are you kidding me?? I could not imagine not using my God given parts for 6 YEARS!!! This is where the line gets blurred you see? You start thinking ... What would I do if this were me? I'd start looking. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I would! There's only so long you can try with a partner before you start to feel like you're a chore on a checklist! Take out the garbage, check. Do the laundry, check. Fuck my wife/husband... move to Friday nights To DO list lol. Nothing happened right away. We hung out, we chatted, we vented about life, talked about our passions, the usual stuff. One day, one thing led to the next and bada boom bada bing we got naked and jumped in the sack and it was gooooood lol. There's nothing quite like a man that's been denied sex for years. It's like giving a starving man food! You just can't give him enough and you are the best thing ever! I'm only 5'2 and that guy tossed and manhandled me in all sorts of ways.. it was awesome lol! After that, my conscience started to get in the way and I told him we had to stop the sex part because I didn't want some crazy wife or worse yet a broken hearted wife showing up on my doorstep... except the sex was really good and in a couple months he got a call back for a return engagement lol. Listen, I'm of the age now where I gotta get mine and you gotta get yours. Then there's the taboo of it all that makes it just a tiny bit more scary and exciting! The whole thing becomes more of a turn on. Sometimes lines get crossed, this was one of those times and that went on for a few weeks and then something dreadful happened.... he fell in love with me!
That my friends was when it was finally over. When I could see the look in his eyes and the words coming out his mouth... No, no and hell NO! Love was not aloud in this equation! Sex was barely even allowed let alone love. Love is emotional and emotions are messy. Sex is physical, practical, logical and gratifying. Love complicates everything. This is where I become selfish. He's married, it's not my fault if he's in unhappy marriage. It's his responsibility to get out of it. I deserve to have my own partner one day not be the other woman a man loves because he wants to "stay together for the kids". Screw that. That is when they become selfish because they're to afraid to admit it's not the kids they're worried about but themselves. They don't want to be alone but it's much easier to say it's about the kids than to admit that to themselves. Children are resilient, they will survive with separated or divorced parents but often it's the men that fall apart not the women. If anything the women look better most times lol. Shortly after that I stopped seeing him. I had crossed a line into a taboo world and walked boldly through it but returned to the real world and stepped back across the line.
Would I do it again? Hmmmm I don't know. Maybe if the circumstances and situations aligned themselves in the right way, sure. I did however, learn a lot. Until you find yourself wrapped up in the craziness and experience of infidelity, sexual denial, lack of affection coupled with desire.... no one has the right to judge. Gray areas are foggy and often it's not until we're actually put in the position that we really come to understand or bend our thinking on the topic. Until then we pick a side Black or White.. Gray is for those individuals that are experienced and have had their morals challenged and made honest decisions. I never said they were the right decisions but honest decisions often lack regret and help us gain insight to move forward and grow into wiser individuals.
Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon with my update! :)
Hello to all my new friends! Привіт in the Ukraine, はじめまして in Japan, Salam in Iran, Bonjour in France,Ni hao and Ni ho in China and Dobar den in Bulgaria!
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