BFW Personal Mini Blog: The Cuban Misleading Crisis

As most of you have come to learn, I have a very shall we say "colourful" dating life lol. Many people asked "Are you still writing?" "What's going on?" I am still writing, I've just been on quite the journey. I needed to take a hiatus. Grow. Become stronger, wiser, get my emotions under control.There are so many roads we're on at the same time, career paths, life, friendship,for some dating, for others love and the other others sex. At times these paths cross. Sometimes the path leads to somewhere great, sometimes we realize we went down the wrong one and have to start over and some lead us to a cliff. This is the beginning of how I was pushed over the edge of my cliff.


Back in December most of you read about how I lost my best friend, someone I still miss everyday. He was my first loss so I still find myself looking for ways to deal with my grief but in December it was all still very fresh. We buried him the day before my birthday and Christmas was on it's way. Life was emotionally stressful while still putting a smile on my face, showing up to work, family etc without showing my grief. A lot was bottled up and I decided this was finally the time to take a man's advice to solving problems... I needed to get laid lol.

I was open but not genuinely looking because I was still trying to get over my anger towards the earlier men ( for new readers, if you haven't read them yet, the articles : Origins of a BFW and the BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy will help get you up to speed :) ). My anger was finally starting to simmer down. Less and less was I feeling the urge to punch a guy in the face, I call that...Progress!!! lol.  After the Trilogy, although much of my anger had disappeared, the idea of having sex with a man would piss me off! I would see this image in my mind of me sitting on top of a guy in lingerie, mid sex, just wailing on his face! I mean, I was really beating the crap out of his face while enjoying every second of it  and I thought " Hmmmm, you know, I just don't think that's healthy!". So, responsibly I pulled myself out of the game. I benched myself until I thought I could play nicely with others... well until at least I found a willing participant to take the pain but that's another story and another article coming soon ;)!

A friend decides to throw a party at her place and I decide to go because I think the positive energy will do me some good. I end up hanging out with some friends but meeting a lot of new people and of course some characters. There was Rape-y 1, Rape-y 2, and we'll call this guy Guido. The Italian that spoke Spanish but not Italian...Go figure! Ahhhh Rape-y 1 and 2 were THOSE guys. You know, the ones that drink just a little to much, get a little to much liquid courage and start saying any creepy assed thing that comes to mind thinking they're making the situation better but in a normal woman's mind we're thinking " Hit the ground and run!". As the night goes on, anything that doesn't  smell male is getting hit on lol. Randomly throughout the night they come by whisper a few creepy nothings into my ear or they'll stop by and attempt what they believe to be normal conversation with comments like " You know, my dick gets hard when I think about the last time I had sex with a black girl." :-s Oh ya, I mean these guys were the creme de la creme of creepy assed fuckers lol. I spend some of my night dodging and weaving these two idiots and other parts with friends and then Guido. Eventually Guido catches on to Rape-y 1 and 2 since they consistently interrupt our conversation. Guido decides to become the knight in shining armour and suggests we hang out in our friend's room. I give him "the look" you know, the "are-you-serious?" look. Now guys, I am accustomed to the Rape-y's of this world, I'm a big little woman and can take care of myself BUT I still think it's great when a guy swoops in to save the damsel in distress lol. He swears up and down we're just gonna chill  and hang out... which true to his word, we actually do! He doesn't make any moves we just have some good conversation but of course Rape-y 1 has noticed that I have gone missing and searches the house for me until he finds me!

Sidenote: Guys, if you're talking to a woman and she consistently disappears on you, keeps trying to make eye contact with her friends, joins other peoples conversations, excuses herself from your conversation repeatedly, and is not giving you any clear information to questions like, where do you live? where do you work? where do you like to hang out? etc.. Those are SIGNS!!! Chances are she's deemed you a creepy mofo and is dodging you. She is NOT interested! Let it go lol.. and while you're at it, work on lowering the creep factor.

He asks what we're doing and we say we're talking. That throws him off, he wasn't expecting that answer lol. He decides he wants to join the conversation. He comes in, sits in a chair in a corner and never joins the conversation. He just sits there watching us like a creepy Rape-y psycho! Eventually he comes to the conclusion that we're really just talking and leaves very confused. Whew. The party seems to be ending and we get ready to leave. As we're leaving we notice our friend's having an emotional break. She was upset over some man drama. What I found interesting was that this was the point in time that Guido became attractive to me. Once again he wasn't my usual physical type. A little chubbier than I'd like and overly manicured eyebrows. I think he was self conscious because he was incredibly hairy all over to the point that he had regular appointments for back, chest and God knows what other kind of waxing lol. Anyway, he started to console my friend. He was actually giving her real and sound advice. I was shocked! Most guys tell you get over it and get laid lol. The cure to all men's ailments! Except he didn't and for some reason his caring became a real turn on for me. When we'd calmed my friend down we left and he walked me to my car, literally picked me up and kissed me. Shock. It all happened so fast! It was an even bigger turn on because he's a tall guy and I'm small so to pick me up like I weigh next to nothing... Oooh the things I could do with this man! Before I knew it I had wrapped my legs around him and we were making out in the middle of the street, across from my friend's house! It was cold as hell outside but all the important parts were hot and on fire.

Somehow, I honestly have no memory of how but we made it into the backseat of my tiny car.. lmao. Ya ya I know. Listen, the backseat is not an ideal place for things to go down but sometimes you gotta work with your surroundings and you guys all know I'm very free with my sexuality. I can be very uninhibited and this was one of those times.Seize the moment and enjoy it for what it is. No regrets just good times ;). Clothes don't come off they just get pushed to the side, unzipped, pushed up... whatever it takes to get to the goods. Somehow, in the confines of my tiny car we get each other off without actually having sex and it's a well deserved fucking orgasm! It had been months since I'd done anything sexual with a man! And then, this is the time where reality kicks in. The lust starts to fade, the cold starts to seep in and I realize " Hmmm I'm in the backseat of my car. Did anyone see us?" Lol. As I look around all the windows are foggy. We start, pulling, pushing and zipping up clothes and that's when I see the lady walking by with her dog! I start laughing my ass off. He pauses, slightly confused.. ( he's in the middle of zipping up his pants so I get the confusion lol) I point and he sees the lady and her dog slowly walking by! Nosey old bat was trying to get a peep lol.  Finally we get ourselves together and he asks for my number and says we should get together sometime. Ya ya, I've heard that before and after what and where we just did what we did, I don't expect a call and I'm cool with that. It was a seize the moment thing right?! All the more reason I was shocked when he messaged me a few days later.

We chit chat back and forth a little bit and straight off the bat he lets me know he likes my personality, he thinks I'd be great to hang out with and see where things go but he can't do a relationship right now because he recently got out of one and he's not looking to jump into anything any time soon. He asks what I think about that and let's me know it's cool if I don't want to go any further. I say I'm ok with it because I'm at that point in the  process of trying to let men back into my good graces. I'm trying to let go of my anger and I believe that something slow, friendly and with the added bonus of being sexual is probably what I need.The honesty of what he was saying was also appreciated and needed. I knew what I was getting into and I was ok with that. I called my friend and we talked, I needed some advice. She's one of very few women I truly get along with and respect because she's much like me. She's probably even freer than I am when it comes to sex and sexuality, she's educated, intelligent, funny, good head on her shoulders (except in the men dept but I think that comes with our gender lol), she has a big heart and a good soul and just like me she delivers straight truth. No bullshit. My kinda woman lol. She vouches for the guy. She tells me he's a great guy, not like other guys. He's kind, he's honest, very picky when it comes to women, he's intelligent, a big teddy bear lol. I say ok, sounds like a guy I can take a chance on. See, even though I wanted to get on to the sex part, I was still having trouble. I felt like I was walking on a tightrope and that rope was my faith in men. If I could make it to the other side I'd be fine but if that rope broke who knew what hell might be unleashed. I really needed to make it to the other side and from what my friend was saying, Guido here, might be able to help me get across.

On our first night out we go to a comedy club, have a great time, then to a board game cafe I love for some tea and a chat. We lay down the ground rules. He tells me about what happened in his past relationship and I tell him about my recent experiences with men. He lets me know that he's looking for something easy going, where he can get to know the person really well not just sex. He missed companionship and so did I. He's not interested in a fuck buddy but he can't do a relationship right now so we were more like friends with benefits but the kind where we actually do get to know each other. He didn't want anything exclusive and although he was not compelled to stick his dick into everything that moved he just wanted to be able to explore an option if it came up. If an option was explored we would have to let the other know out of respect and honesty. I was completely cool with that because it was honest, it was straightforward and FINALLY some guy wasn't trying to pull the wool over my eyes. We agree to those terms and for the next couple of weeks everything is fantastic. We hang out, we hit a swinger's club just because, we chill at my place, sometimes at his and it's always followed by amazing sex lol. He got nick named the Stallion by my friends and he lived up to it. This man was a giver in every kind of way! We bonded very quickly not just sexually but intellectually as well. It's a hard pairing to find because it's the person's mind that turns you on and when you add incredible sexual chemistry to it, that is a recipe for body and mind blowing sex. Like Retro Batman BLAM! KAPOW! Lol.

Christmas comes and goes and New Years Eve (NYE) is fast approaching. Guido tells me he's going away to Cuba for two weeks on NYE.... with his Ex- girlfriend. Lol ya I know, sounds fishy right? Of course! We talk about this one night and he tells me how much he loves Cuban lifestyle.He spent quite a bit of time over there and every time he goes back it feels like home. He owns two moving companies but he's also a professional Salsa dancer. He loves everything there is about Cuban culture except the relationships. He says over there cheating is a way of life. They have spouses, they cheat on them, there's drama everywhere, it's a real live Telemundo! lol He says that's not the life for him but he hopes to retire there one day with any woman but a Cuban woman. He says he couldn't take the drama or the heartbreak.  NYE comes and they leave but before he leaves he tells me to clear my schedule the Monday he gets back because he's going to need to see me after being away for two weeks for some much needed sexual relief. Done and done! In that 2 week time my friend and I go out a couple times and she's ecstatic for us. She's practically got us married with kids and planning the wedding lol. I tell her to calm her horses. We're good, things are good and we're just keeping it simple. Except I have a weird feeling. She tells me don't worry about the Ex, they've been friends for years and it's over. I say ok and give him the benefit of the doubt because Xavier is my ex ( briefly mentioned in BFW Trilogy) and we've been friends for years so I can't fault him for that. The two weeks pass at an excruciatingly slow pace. I had been dying to see this guy because I honestly enjoyed his company, the conversation, his companionship and I was looking forward to some amazing fucking sex. When you're getting it good, two weeks is a long time to go without it so of course I did the whole drill Monday evening. Showered, scrubbed, shaved, moisturized, the recipe for incredibly soft and smooth skin ;).

Monday evening came and went. No call, no message. Hmmmmm. Tuesday comes and I message my friend. That weird feeling I had a little while ago had become stronger. Did I mention another thing about her that I love is her optimism? lol .She tries her best to calm my suspicions. Maybe he's working, he's been gone for a while so the paperwork has probably piled up, maybe he's jet lagged..etc etc.. She tries really hard to keep me optimistic but I am me and I've never been in the business of fooling myself. Jet lag, paperwork, work.. whatever. When a man wants to get laid almost nothing will stop him. I have learned that time and time again. After feeding themselves, a man's next primal instinct is fucking so when the guy doesn't come knocking.. something's up.

Wednesday rolls around and I finally get a call. I answer the phone warily and we get to chatting. For an hour we talk about random nonsense, laugh and catch up... I'm waiting. It's been an hour and we've talked about everything but his trip. I finally lay down some ground work to get him started as he seems to be having a hard time bringing up the subject. I tell him we should check out the swinger's club that weekend and bring our friend, she'd love it. Silence. I've gently forced his hand. I could've just all out asked " So, did you end up sleeping with your ex?" but I didn't want to be that woman. After a pause he tells me we can go but just as friend's. He kind of met someone in Cuba. :-o. Now I'm silent, stunned actually. " What do you mean, you met someone in Cuba? As in another tourist? I thought you went with your ex?" He says he did but she only stayed for one week. The second week he moved into town and ended up renting a room with a nice family. In that week he hung out with a woman that lived there. They had great conversation, they babysat her nephew together, as the days passed they got closer and closer together. He said right from the get go he had the same conversation with her that he had with me about not being ready for a relationship.... except he left Cuba in a relationship with this woman! My heart plummets as I feel myself falling off the cliff into white, hot, searing, anger. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Who falls in love with the locals??? Everyone knows that! Everyone's looking for a Green Card out there! What the hell is the matter with this guy??  From my silence he can tell that I'm pissed right the fuck off.

He starts telling me that he doesn't know what happened. When he was here and we were together he caught himself imagining him and I together. Our closeness, my nature, my intelligence, my body, everything.. he wondered what it would be like to be involved with me but he figured he had time to figure it out when he got back.. except he didn't. He didn't expect to meet another woman and fall for her. And now he was giving me the "Good Woman" speech. I shut him right down. How dare he. He has the nerve to tell me that I'm a good woman, an amazing woman in fact and so was she but when he had to choose, he chose the woman that was a 5 hour flight away??? The amazing woman that was a half hour drive away loses but the woman that you have to get on a plane for, who comes from a place where people are almost programmed to look for Green Card suckers, and after ONE whole week, with the kind of woman he said he would NEVER be involved with... this is the woman that wins?? This is the woman that's better than me? The insult was like a kick in the face.

 Snap. There goes the rope.  My faith in men crumbles right here.

He was apologetic, he really was sorry, in hindsight I see that but at the time I didn't want to hear it. The anger I was feeling was so overwhelming and without ever raising my voice or swearing I tear this guy a new ass hole. Why? Because I am at DEFCON 1 and I'm about to blow!  I believed in this guy. I had hoped that this would be a beginning to me restoring my faith in men. Why give the amazing woman speech? BULLSHIT guys, BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. If I'm such an amazing woman why was he taking a pass on me for a woman he met a week ago and who doesn't even live in the same fucking country. Unbelievable! I told him to keep his speech, I didn't need it. It wasn't making me feel any less insulted or betrayed. Yes betrayed. HE said nothing exclusive. HE said he wasn't ready for a long term relationship any time soon. I believed him. I agreed. I thought I had time.. but I didn't and that's why I think I felt betrayed. He robbed me of that time, time I needed to heal, to be right with men. He had also robbed me of my faith. I felt like I had been misled. The very thing that was the basis of our arrangement, the very thing he said he couldn't handle was the same thing I was being left behind for. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough. He made me feel like a fool.  I know it wasn't fair for me to put my anger for all of man kind on him but I knew I couldn't handle another situation like this. I told him I couldn't, that's why this was supposed to work. We were on the same path traveling together but when we got to the cliff he pushed me off.

I can take a lot but this was a big blow to my ego especially after the last few guys. How did this happen? I tried so hard to avoid this moment. I write this blog to help men not recreate these types of moments, I'm usually the one offering advice, cheering you guys on, trying with all my might to make some other woman's life better through you guys and in turn make your lives a little easier or less dramatic but all I get back is disappointment from men no matter how hard I try to believe. And that's when She began to wake up.

Who is She? She, I think, is the real me. My inner bitch. She took over and the regular me took a backseat. We all have different sides of our personality. You know, there's the one you keep in reserve for certain family members, there's work you, party girl/guy you, gym you... all different parts of us. I have an inner bitch. Usually I keep her in check, for stereotype purposes lol, but there are times when she gets out and when she does watch out. She's not as nice with her words as I am. She doesn't care about much. She gets what she wants.She has little patience and whatever is the source of my anger becomes her main focus.. But don't worry you'll get to meet her in the next BFW Personal Mini Blog-BDSM Edition: Whips, Chains, Locks and Things.

Until I write that blog I may go back to a couple of regular articles before that one hits but stay tuned and thanks to everyone all over the world who continue to read my blog! :)

Hello to some new friends!Chào inVietnam, 안녕하세요 in South Korea, Hei in Norway, and Hej in Denmark! :)