Indiscretion and the married man.... oooooh dicey topic! lol Back in my 20's I thought I knew it all when it came to this topic. It was simple. When you're in relationship whether it's long term, engagement or marriage.. you just don't cheat. Plain and simple. Black and white.. except it's not, and as the years flew by I begrudgingly and slowly started to notice that there was this small gray area where the lines of black and white met and became blurred and I no longer had a clear answer. It's like watching the TV show Dexter! You KNOW that murder is wrong! But when Dexter kills a Pedophile or a Rapist we're the first ones with poms poms in our hands cheering him on! Wooohooo! We're actually cheering for someone to do the thing we know to be wrong even though we believe it's justice... did you see it?? That little shade of gray right where the black and white meet? Sneeky little sucker! Over the years I've found myself in situations where I've begun to understand why some men end up cheating on their wives. Do I condone it? GOD NO! I can say however, I'm not so quick to judge any more.
For some reason, the only guys that hit on me are guys that have nothing to lose lol. Married men are attracted to me like bees on honey! lol Not to mention, men with no jobs and men that live at home with their moms. Why are these guys attracted to me? The men with no jobs and the ones that live at home with mom see strength and confidence... in other words someone to take care of them. a.k.a. Their Momma lol. But married men? They see that too but they see greener grass. Here's a woman that hasn't given up on her figure. Here's a woman that sees me and not just my wallet or all the imperfections.She's not bitching at me! Here's a woman that will give me affection. Here's a woman that WANTS to fuck me. Did you guys know that most times when guys cheat on their wives they're not usually with overly stunning women. They're with normal or average looking women that give them affection. Both physical and emotional, even if it's just for an hour or two. Often men cheat because this is what they crave. That's when my line between black and white started to get blurred. I thought all these guys cheated because they were just straight up assholes. Guys that wanted more than just the cake, they had to have the pie too! Let's face it, some just like a strange new hole to fuck. I hated these guys. I swore up and down I would NEVER get involved with a married guy because karma would bitch slap me across the face and God knows my life is already like a freaking gong show when it comes to men, who the hell needed another episode of Dating Disasters - Crazy wife edition ??? lol.
Soo of course that meant I had to meet....let's call him Jeremy. Jeremy I met through Craigslist as well. I think I had thrown the fishing line out again into the Craigslist pond again for a FWB and came across Jeremy eventually. Jeremy is not my typical kinda guy. He is in great shape.. but he's hairier than i usually like and he smokes. Smoking is a big turn off for me because honestly guys, for a non-smoker it tastes disgusting. Your whole mouth tastes like nicotine not to mention your other body parts. Yup. The OTHER body parts lol... for the slower guys those are your cock and balls lol ;). Even your skin, if we lick it, we can taste the nicotine coming out of your pores. Yuck. Moving along swiftly.. Jeremy and I meet and we get to talking and I find that I really enjoy his personality. He's super intelligent, laughter and conversation comes easy so I ask a typical question when I meet a nice single guy.. " So tell me, why are you still single?" This is a sink or swim question lol. This is your time to spill the beans or desperately try to hide them lol... Remarkably, he spilled! He fessed up to being married and having four kids. Obviously right off the bat the mood changed. This is the point in time where many women get up and leave but not your dear friend the BFW lol. Curiousity and the cat?? Shoot, That's my middle name! lol.. I think it takes balls to admit to a woman you're on a date with that you have kids and a WIFE?? Jesus, that can go so many ways from a drink to the face, a slap in it's place and you standing alone looking like a sorry case lol. My first instinct was to automatically hate this guy and judge him for being a bad husband and leave... At the same token he could've been like many other assholes and told me everything I wanted to hear, screw me then leave me like most men would do but he didn't. I felt that for that level of respect I at least owed him an unbiased ear.
We talked for a long time, his story was definitely filled with twists and turns from getting pregnant and married in his early 20's to finding out his wife had been sexually assaulted when she was younger (she never got into details about it with him) to they hadn't had sex in over 6 years! 6 years???? Are you kidding me?? I could not imagine not using my God given parts for 6 YEARS!!! This is where the line gets blurred you see? You start thinking ... What would I do if this were me? I'd start looking. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I would! There's only so long you can try with a partner before you start to feel like you're a chore on a checklist! Take out the garbage, check. Do the laundry, check. Fuck my wife/husband... move to Friday nights To DO list lol. Nothing happened right away. We hung out, we chatted, we vented about life, talked about our passions, the usual stuff. One day, one thing led to the next and bada boom bada bing we got naked and jumped in the sack and it was gooooood lol. There's nothing quite like a man that's been denied sex for years. It's like giving a starving man food! You just can't give him enough and you are the best thing ever! I'm only 5'2 and that guy tossed and manhandled me in all sorts of ways.. it was awesome lol! After that, my conscience started to get in the way and I told him we had to stop the sex part because I didn't want some crazy wife or worse yet a broken hearted wife showing up on my doorstep... except the sex was really good and in a couple months he got a call back for a return engagement lol. Listen, I'm of the age now where I gotta get mine and you gotta get yours. Then there's the taboo of it all that makes it just a tiny bit more scary and exciting! The whole thing becomes more of a turn on. Sometimes lines get crossed, this was one of those times and that went on for a few weeks and then something dreadful happened.... he fell in love with me!
That my friends was when it was finally over. When I could see the look in his eyes and the words coming out his mouth... No, no and hell NO! Love was not aloud in this equation! Sex was barely even allowed let alone love. Love is emotional and emotions are messy. Sex is physical, practical, logical and gratifying. Love complicates everything. This is where I become selfish. He's married, it's not my fault if he's in unhappy marriage. It's his responsibility to get out of it. I deserve to have my own partner one day not be the other woman a man loves because he wants to "stay together for the kids". Screw that. That is when they become selfish because they're to afraid to admit it's not the kids they're worried about but themselves. They don't want to be alone but it's much easier to say it's about the kids than to admit that to themselves. Children are resilient, they will survive with separated or divorced parents but often it's the men that fall apart not the women. If anything the women look better most times lol. Shortly after that I stopped seeing him. I had crossed a line into a taboo world and walked boldly through it but returned to the real world and stepped back across the line.
Would I do it again? Hmmmm I don't know. Maybe if the circumstances and situations aligned themselves in the right way, sure. I did however, learn a lot. Until you find yourself wrapped up in the craziness and experience of infidelity, sexual denial, lack of affection coupled with desire.... no one has the right to judge. Gray areas are foggy and often it's not until we're actually put in the position that we really come to understand or bend our thinking on the topic. Until then we pick a side Black or White.. Gray is for those individuals that are experienced and have had their morals challenged and made honest decisions. I never said they were the right decisions but honest decisions often lack regret and help us gain insight to move forward and grow into wiser individuals.
Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon with my update! :)
Hello to all my new friends! Привіт in the Ukraine, はじめまして in Japan, Salam in Iran, Bonjour in France,Ni hao and Ni ho in China and Dobar den in Bulgaria!
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
Tuesday, 2 October 2012
One Night Stands of Immortality
Guys I apologize! I'm going into my busy season at work and waking up early and going to bed late so I wasn't able to write! Anyway here it is!
This blog isn't for men looking to add a few more notches to his belt. That's not what this is about. It's about spending a Night or a few hours with a person and not only immortalizing yourself but also not being a complete dick about the hook up.
Do you know who I am? I'll give you a hint. Think of your top 3 sexual experiences. You see those girls in your mind? The way they're forever immortalized for whatever reason you deemed fit? Maybe they had on the sexiest lingerie you ever saw. Maybe it was because you experienced something with that woman that you've never been able to replicate. Or maybe she just sucks your cock better, dirtier and sluttier than anyone you've ever been with. Whatever the reason, they have found a way to immortalize themselves sexually in your spank bank ( For those of you that are not sure what that is, it's the part of your memory you keep all you favorite sexual references for "spanking the monkey" a.k.a. masturbating. a "bank" for "spanking" hence the spank bank ;) ) . That's who I am. I'm the woman that will figure out your sexual needs in minutes, adjust and tailor my techniques so that when that night is over we may never see each other again but I have secured myself a spot as some of the best sex you ever had in your life. I don't mess around. I am self competitive. When I'm done with you, I want you to be exhausted, satiated and in some kind of euphoric state.I've said it before, here at BFWhisperer headquarters, I aim to please and I am damn good at it... the problem is men don't.
Guys just because it's a one night nsa (no strings attached) doesn't mean you shouldn't bring your A game to the table. I hear this from to many women and I've experienced it first hand. It's a Wham Bam and not even a Thank you Ma'am. You guys seem to confuse emotion and connection with maturity. We are grown ass mature adults! Why can't you have a good, passionate night of sex and go your separate ways in the morning?? When you guys have the woman just take care of you and hardly do anything for her that doesn't make it emotionless sex. That just makes you a selfish asshole. Plain and simple. So you guys are saying.. "But if there's any passion, connection or emotion involved the woman's gonna want more from me. She'll get 'clingy'." Not true. If you explain to a woman right off the bat that that's what you're looking for AND confirm she's looking for the same thing, not a fwb, not a companion or a boyfriend... your chances of a getting involved with a clingy woman are slim to none. Most of you just get to excited at the prospect of sticking your dick into a willing woman that you don't bother to really get those facts straight ;) and there in lies part of the problem.
I have the perfect story for this:
There are times when I'm just looking to get laid. I'm not interested in relationships etc at these times primarily because I'm going into my busy season at work and I don't have time. Anyway every now and then I'll post on Craigslist and see what comes of it. Most of the replies are ridiculous but after sifting through I might meet one or 2 guys. I met this guy, let's call him Gary, and he was cute! 10 years younger than I was at the time but I was just looking to get laid so what did I care?? lol. Gary was 24, in fantastic shape, pleasant to talk, easy going and chill. We get to the sex part and he asks me if I have any condoms. Ummm guys? WTF do I have a cock somewhere that I missed?? Please supply your own condoms. Women should not have to keep a supply of condoms in their homes for you! Do you have a set of birth control pills, female condoms or any female contraceptives in your home?? Exactly! You don't, so take care of your body and I'll take care of mine ;-) .. As it so happened I did but I let him know right away that that was a first and last time that was going to happen. So we're having sex... It's ok... nothing special but he's a kid so I try not to expect to much. I rock his world and he has a fantastic orgasm. He rolls over and is huffing and puffing to catch his breath and I'm waiting for him to catch his breath. Usually after the fact the guy will start taking care of me and my orgasm. Except of course, he didn't.When he looks like he's not getting ready to move into action I prop myself up on one hand and just stare at him until he says something. He says something along the lines of " Usually I'm really good at giving orgasm but I'm so tired right now. It's been a long day and I think your I'm allergic to your cat." Whaaaaat??! Is this A hole kidding me? So he's allergic to my cat when it's time for me to get mine but when he was fucking me and getting his orgasm he was fine????? I just smiled and said I understood. Politely gave him his clothes to get dressed and showed him out. I'm not stupid guys. I am not yelling at a strange man in my apartment. It's just me and him and I'm not looking to get shot, stabbed or killed over an orgasm lol. The next day he messaged me to tell me what a great time he had with me. I told him, well at least one of us had a good time! He said, "You didn't enjoy it?" What's to enjoy?? I didn't my orgasm! I told him as much and he asked if we could do it again and he promised he would give me a great orgasm. Ummm ya, because I have Stupid written on my forehead lol. I told him, Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me... there will be no shame on my part thanks. I took a pass. Erase, delete. Good bye.
This is a classic one night stand. Most guys get in, fuck you and get out. You ruin it for everyone! lol... How? Enough experiences like this and you guys make women like me want to take a pass on the sex because it's just not worth it. What's in it for me? I can't even get an orgasm out of it! Boo! God! If the sex was good I'd be banging guys whenever I felt the urge to get laid! Now I can't be bothered because the idea of bucking up with another one of these kinda guys is just so unappealing I'd rather take care of it myself! On the plus side I always I ensure I have an orgasm and I never have to look sexy for myself lol!
What is it about pleasing a woman that you guys just don't get it? How about this.. Let's say you and I are having sex. Everything is getting hot and heavy, you're all turned on, rock hard cock, and I have an orgasm. Then I roll over and relax but you still have a rock hard cock. I get up put my clothes on and leave. WTF... What a bitch right??! Ya, that's how we feel every time you guys don't give us an orgasm! Just because you can't see our cocks doesn't mean we don't need to get off too. Even if it's just one night, why not be immortalized as the best or one of the best one night stands she ever had??
Best one night stand I ever had? Eeeeasy...
I met someone at a bar. There was a definite physical connection right away. I was also quite drunk lol. At the time I was much younger and still learning to handle my liquor. When I got to their place we talked for a bit but I started to feel sick. So sick in fact that I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything! I was so embarassed and mortified! I mean who would want to have sex with a woman after that? Ewww lol. When I finally opened the bathroom door.. there was advil, tea, crackers and a spare toothbrush waiting for me :-o! And not a hint of judgement on their face. Talk about prepared. I was nursed right back to sobriety, brushed my teeth and we had some crazy great sex. We fell asleep and when I woke up there were eggs, bacon, toast, coffee and a plate waiting for me :-o ! We did the breakfast thing, talked like mature adults then I got dressed and as I was getting ready to leave they called me a cab and paid for the cab ride home. Unbelievable. To this day no other one night stand has ever surpassed this.
Why was that experience forever immortalized by me? Well, it was the fact that I was treated like a human being and not a used and discarded tissue paper. We were mature adults that had a one night stand but we treated each other in a friendly manner. Just because you have a one nighter with someone doesn't mean you should be devoid of treating them like a person. We didn't exchange numbers, we saw each other at the same bar once or twice and we were always polite with each other saying hi, having a drink then going our separate ways. No one got clingy. No one got stalked, stabbed or stupid lol.Why is that so hard for you guys to do?? Lol .. C'mon guys! We'd all be getting laid more often if we treated each other like that while having one night stands. There's nothing wrong with having a one night stand.. we all have our reasons. Heart break, work, nympho's lol... whatever your reason it's no reason not to treat the woman with a little respect, maturity and humanity.
I hope I've shed a little light, opened a few eyes and given you perspective... If not I'm always open to questions, comments and feedback :)
I think my next post will be for the married men/ boyfriends.. Why are you guys not getting laid as much as you used to? Simple answer. Because you're lacking in the romance department and wives/gf's think you think they're not worth it anymore.... I'll explain more in the article :)
This blog isn't for men looking to add a few more notches to his belt. That's not what this is about. It's about spending a Night or a few hours with a person and not only immortalizing yourself but also not being a complete dick about the hook up.
Do you know who I am? I'll give you a hint. Think of your top 3 sexual experiences. You see those girls in your mind? The way they're forever immortalized for whatever reason you deemed fit? Maybe they had on the sexiest lingerie you ever saw. Maybe it was because you experienced something with that woman that you've never been able to replicate. Or maybe she just sucks your cock better, dirtier and sluttier than anyone you've ever been with. Whatever the reason, they have found a way to immortalize themselves sexually in your spank bank ( For those of you that are not sure what that is, it's the part of your memory you keep all you favorite sexual references for "spanking the monkey" a.k.a. masturbating. a "bank" for "spanking" hence the spank bank ;) ) . That's who I am. I'm the woman that will figure out your sexual needs in minutes, adjust and tailor my techniques so that when that night is over we may never see each other again but I have secured myself a spot as some of the best sex you ever had in your life. I don't mess around. I am self competitive. When I'm done with you, I want you to be exhausted, satiated and in some kind of euphoric state.I've said it before, here at BFWhisperer headquarters, I aim to please and I am damn good at it... the problem is men don't.
Guys just because it's a one night nsa (no strings attached) doesn't mean you shouldn't bring your A game to the table. I hear this from to many women and I've experienced it first hand. It's a Wham Bam and not even a Thank you Ma'am. You guys seem to confuse emotion and connection with maturity. We are grown ass mature adults! Why can't you have a good, passionate night of sex and go your separate ways in the morning?? When you guys have the woman just take care of you and hardly do anything for her that doesn't make it emotionless sex. That just makes you a selfish asshole. Plain and simple. So you guys are saying.. "But if there's any passion, connection or emotion involved the woman's gonna want more from me. She'll get 'clingy'." Not true. If you explain to a woman right off the bat that that's what you're looking for AND confirm she's looking for the same thing, not a fwb, not a companion or a boyfriend... your chances of a getting involved with a clingy woman are slim to none. Most of you just get to excited at the prospect of sticking your dick into a willing woman that you don't bother to really get those facts straight ;) and there in lies part of the problem.
I have the perfect story for this:
There are times when I'm just looking to get laid. I'm not interested in relationships etc at these times primarily because I'm going into my busy season at work and I don't have time. Anyway every now and then I'll post on Craigslist and see what comes of it. Most of the replies are ridiculous but after sifting through I might meet one or 2 guys. I met this guy, let's call him Gary, and he was cute! 10 years younger than I was at the time but I was just looking to get laid so what did I care?? lol. Gary was 24, in fantastic shape, pleasant to talk, easy going and chill. We get to the sex part and he asks me if I have any condoms. Ummm guys? WTF do I have a cock somewhere that I missed?? Please supply your own condoms. Women should not have to keep a supply of condoms in their homes for you! Do you have a set of birth control pills, female condoms or any female contraceptives in your home?? Exactly! You don't, so take care of your body and I'll take care of mine ;-) .. As it so happened I did but I let him know right away that that was a first and last time that was going to happen. So we're having sex... It's ok... nothing special but he's a kid so I try not to expect to much. I rock his world and he has a fantastic orgasm. He rolls over and is huffing and puffing to catch his breath and I'm waiting for him to catch his breath. Usually after the fact the guy will start taking care of me and my orgasm. Except of course, he didn't.When he looks like he's not getting ready to move into action I prop myself up on one hand and just stare at him until he says something. He says something along the lines of " Usually I'm really good at giving orgasm but I'm so tired right now. It's been a long day and I think your I'm allergic to your cat." Whaaaaat??! Is this A hole kidding me? So he's allergic to my cat when it's time for me to get mine but when he was fucking me and getting his orgasm he was fine????? I just smiled and said I understood. Politely gave him his clothes to get dressed and showed him out. I'm not stupid guys. I am not yelling at a strange man in my apartment. It's just me and him and I'm not looking to get shot, stabbed or killed over an orgasm lol. The next day he messaged me to tell me what a great time he had with me. I told him, well at least one of us had a good time! He said, "You didn't enjoy it?" What's to enjoy?? I didn't my orgasm! I told him as much and he asked if we could do it again and he promised he would give me a great orgasm. Ummm ya, because I have Stupid written on my forehead lol. I told him, Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me... there will be no shame on my part thanks. I took a pass. Erase, delete. Good bye.
This is a classic one night stand. Most guys get in, fuck you and get out. You ruin it for everyone! lol... How? Enough experiences like this and you guys make women like me want to take a pass on the sex because it's just not worth it. What's in it for me? I can't even get an orgasm out of it! Boo! God! If the sex was good I'd be banging guys whenever I felt the urge to get laid! Now I can't be bothered because the idea of bucking up with another one of these kinda guys is just so unappealing I'd rather take care of it myself! On the plus side I always I ensure I have an orgasm and I never have to look sexy for myself lol!
What is it about pleasing a woman that you guys just don't get it? How about this.. Let's say you and I are having sex. Everything is getting hot and heavy, you're all turned on, rock hard cock, and I have an orgasm. Then I roll over and relax but you still have a rock hard cock. I get up put my clothes on and leave. WTF... What a bitch right??! Ya, that's how we feel every time you guys don't give us an orgasm! Just because you can't see our cocks doesn't mean we don't need to get off too. Even if it's just one night, why not be immortalized as the best or one of the best one night stands she ever had??
Best one night stand I ever had? Eeeeasy...
I met someone at a bar. There was a definite physical connection right away. I was also quite drunk lol. At the time I was much younger and still learning to handle my liquor. When I got to their place we talked for a bit but I started to feel sick. So sick in fact that I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything! I was so embarassed and mortified! I mean who would want to have sex with a woman after that? Ewww lol. When I finally opened the bathroom door.. there was advil, tea, crackers and a spare toothbrush waiting for me :-o! And not a hint of judgement on their face. Talk about prepared. I was nursed right back to sobriety, brushed my teeth and we had some crazy great sex. We fell asleep and when I woke up there were eggs, bacon, toast, coffee and a plate waiting for me :-o ! We did the breakfast thing, talked like mature adults then I got dressed and as I was getting ready to leave they called me a cab and paid for the cab ride home. Unbelievable. To this day no other one night stand has ever surpassed this.
Why was that experience forever immortalized by me? Well, it was the fact that I was treated like a human being and not a used and discarded tissue paper. We were mature adults that had a one night stand but we treated each other in a friendly manner. Just because you have a one nighter with someone doesn't mean you should be devoid of treating them like a person. We didn't exchange numbers, we saw each other at the same bar once or twice and we were always polite with each other saying hi, having a drink then going our separate ways. No one got clingy. No one got stalked, stabbed or stupid lol.Why is that so hard for you guys to do?? Lol .. C'mon guys! We'd all be getting laid more often if we treated each other like that while having one night stands. There's nothing wrong with having a one night stand.. we all have our reasons. Heart break, work, nympho's lol... whatever your reason it's no reason not to treat the woman with a little respect, maturity and humanity.
I hope I've shed a little light, opened a few eyes and given you perspective... If not I'm always open to questions, comments and feedback :)
I think my next post will be for the married men/ boyfriends.. Why are you guys not getting laid as much as you used to? Simple answer. Because you're lacking in the romance department and wives/gf's think you think they're not worth it anymore.... I'll explain more in the article :)
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
First Date Do's and Don'ts
Ahhh first date! Excitement, fun, curiosity, our minds wander all over the place! What will tonight be about and how will it end? You're really hoping things go well. So you pick up the lady, head out on your date but as the night goes on the date doesn't go well. Later you take her home and you're wondering WTF happened and then you never hear from her again?? Has this ever happened to you? Lol well if it has, you've probably committed some dating infraction that you weren't aware of.
Mini Story: One of my worst dates was a really nice guy that was super smart, spoke 5 languages, helped kids in Africa .. I mean we're talking on the verge of Sainthood here! lol. I met him online but when I met him in person he was still super smart and sweet but about 50-60 lbs heavier than he said he was and looked like a mess. Just from the oily, greasy, disheveled look his hair had it was in bad need of a wash and cut. His beard was what looked to be an untrimmed bird's nest made of facial hair that had pieces of food in it. I swear I was expecting a squirrel to pop up any minute now! He had a food stain on his shirt. His nails had dirt underneath them.Coffee stain on the khaki's and old man loafer's for shoes. So you're probably thinking I took off on him right?? Wrong! I didn't, I stuck it out and went for a coffee with him but I did tell him he wasn't my type. He is a classic example for this article because he must've been wondering WTF because he doesn't realize his lack of hygiene was a real turn off! To many dating infractions committed and that was his first and last date with me.
I therefore title this blog: First Date Do's and Don'ts
So Let's start with the DO's :
1. Show up on time!! If you're running late don't just show up, call or text. This shows responsibility and awareness of other peoples time. Some people are real sticklers for time and lateness makes them feel like you don't appreciate their time as being just as important as yours.
2. Compliment her! Women go through extraordinary measures to prepare for a date! lol They do their hair, make up, sometimes buy a whole new outfit, shoes etc.. When you don't notice that puts a damper on things. Every woman wants to feel beautiful. That's why she goes through all that madness! She wants to look good for herself but she also wants YOU to think she looks beautiful. And don't be creepy about it! Saying you love her feet instead of her shoes.... Eww! big no no. Saying her ass looks PHAT in those jeans big no no. Saying you like her top as you eye rape her cleavage... big no no. lol. Keep it simple. "Wow, you look really beautiful!" Or "You look stunning ". Keep the compliment about the whole package if possible instead of zeroing in on a particular feature or body part. Lowers the creep factor increases the gentleman factor ;) .
3. Show some sense of chivalry! This doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call but women are often impressed in this day and age if you remember to open her car door, open the door to a restaurant, pull out her seat, pay the bill, walk her to her door etc. I'm not saying you have to do all of them but the more you do the more she pays attention. It's the gentleman's way!
4. Wear clean clothes and be hygenic! I can't believe I have to say that but I do. I have been on a few dates where guys show up with stains on their clothes, dirty shoes, unwashed hair, beards that look like they contain nests etc. Dress appropriately. Make sure everything is clean, pressed or at the very least not wrinkled ( looking like you crawled out of a laundry basket isn't cool either lol). Whatever your style is have some pride in your appearance and look good whether it's a good date or not at least you look hot ;) . Trust me, she sees every little thing.
5. Pay the bill guys! Again, I can't believe I have to say that but I do. So you're thinking, why do I always have to put up for the bill right? Simple this is just part of being a man from a woman's perspective. It shows her you have some decent upbringing when it comes to treating a woman like a lady and that you're not cheap. Here's the thing. Women like me, have careers, pay rent/mortgage/bills etc on our own so if we're going to have a man in our life is that a need or a want? That's a want. She doesn't need you to pay the bill she can pay it herself but when you pay it shows you're displaying old school gentleman qualities and a lot of women really like that. I've been out on dates where the guy will order all this stuff to eat then ask me to pay half the bill! I'm a small eater. Kid's meals fill me up so when a guy does that I never say a word. I always come with money, I pay half then I find my own way home and he never hears from me again. Ever. Erase delete, he's done. Cheapness is inexcusable to a lot of women. Does that mean we'll never pay?? No... but definitely further down the line.
6. Have little to no expectations. At the end of the date, politely put your date in the car, walk her to her doorstep ( for fear of bad people hiding in the shadows! lol), give her a QUICK hug and or kiss and call it a night! I know, I know!!! But you wanna get laid!!! lol If she has any intentions of screwing you... she'll invite you in herself. Some women need time others need hrs. If you feel like just because you paid for dinner she owes you something ( think again!) she'll sense that and be prepared with an excuse in no time however if you give her a quick hug/kiss and leave, it tells her you're interested but you're not expecting her to give you sex for a meal which earns serious points in her book! At that point she may invite you in OR she may not because she's a good a girl and wants to wait to see if you're serious. Both ways leave her with a good impression providing the date went well.
7. Make sure she gets in safely. Always watch her walk through the front door. If she lives in an apartment make sure you see her get in the elevator and she calls or messages you when she's through the front door. A man that's concerned for a woman's safety? Big bonus points. Most guys sulk away and don't pay attention to this little detail. When a guy's concerned for our safety that sets off a primal instinct. "This guy wants to protect me, he cares about my safety." Most women like feeling protected and safe. It's one of those things men can provide which can make a big difference. I once had a woman say to me that if the guy drove off before she got through the door it was an extreme turn off. When I asked why she said it was because he didn't care to see her in safely. She took that as selfishness. Even if the date doesn't go well, be mature and still walk her to the door. At least you can end the night being a gentleman which is more than a lot of other men can say.
On to the DON'Ts... ( and guys, this is not meant to be insulting or offensive to anyone you. Just honest, straightforward and helpful because chances are if you know you've done any of these things then no one's taken the time to be honest and tell you. That's what I'm here for :) )
1. ...Curse or use of vulgar language. It's one of those unnecessary things that some men do on dates. It sounds ignorant, unintelligent and aggressive. It can become an instant turn off and signal possible excessive aggression to a woman. Try to keep the language clean and the conversation flowing.
2. ...Spend all your time talking about yourself. When you're on a date you have to remember it takes two people to be on the date so conversation should be a two way street in terms of learning about each other and not just her learning about you or vice versa. I have actually timed some guys as to how long they can spend talking about themselves without ever asking a question about me! It's unbelievable how long a guy can talk about himself without thinking twice about it! It's such a turn off. And sometimes when the man actually does ask a question about me, often he'll cut me off and redirect the conversation back to himself! He does that simply to say he tried to ask questions about her but if you ask him what he's learned about her, he can't say much of anything because he's spent the evening talking about how wonderful he is, what a great catch he is ( his mom, sisters and female friends ask him why he's still single all the time - Um seriously?!) and how successfully he is and what a nice ride he has blah blah blah.. I'm usually bored enough by this point to create an imaginary phone call or just plain tell him we're not right for each other. I drop my money on the table and I'm out.
3. ...Get to touchy feely. Gentlemen, no matter how long it's been since you've gotten laid, please don't manhandle your dates. Nothing says "Run" to us like a guy with sticky hands. Usually appropriate touching could be classified as a brief touch on the small of her back as a hostess leads you to your table, brief touches while laughing on the hand or arm. Inappropriate usually falls in the line of lingering touches anywhere unless encouraged or anywhere around the breasts/cleavage and anything below the waist and above knees. Best way to gauge this is by her reaction. If she stiffens or shows any signs of discomfort, your touch regardless of where it is, is making her uncomfortable.
4. ...Check other women out during the date. When you're on a date with a woman try to keep eye contact with her instead of checking out the other women around you. When you do it shows that you're paying attention to her, listening to her. When you're not it shows that you're not interested, that you'd rather be on a date or in bed with that woman than the one that's in front of you and even if that's the case it's just plain rude to show it. She might as well call you ugly, tell you about your bad teeth/breath or that she thinks you're lacking some equipment in front of your pants.. yet she doesn't because it's just plain rude lol! And don't think you guys have us fooled with the sly looks you think we can't see because trust me we've noticed we just aren't saying anything. This is how you create jealousy in a woman.. avoid avoid avoid!!!
5. ...Pick up phone calls or texts. Nothing says rude like you picking up calls and returning text messages throughout a date. Focus. This woman is here, everyone else can wait a couple of hours. The only person you should be calling is a babysitter or a child if you have one. And it's polite to give that warning early in the date. A reasonable woman respects and admires the fact that you want to check in and stay in contact with your child. An unreasonable one doesn't. If she shows any signs of being jealous or upset that you're calling your child - abort that date asap! That is an early warning sign that she doesn't want to share you and when you're a parent that's a non-negotiable rule.
6. ...Bring up the Ex. This is a conversation for later. IF it has to come up keep it brief don't dwell on it. Your date with this woman has nothing to do with the last one.Learn from your mistakes but don't hold future women accountable for what your ex did to you. If your ex cheated on you ( that sucks, I know what that's like) it doesn't mean that this woman will. Give her the benefit of the doubt along with a clean slate. There's nothing like being in the shadow of the ex. If you're not over her don't start dating to get over her because it doesn't work. You're just using that woman as a distraction which makes you no better than your ex. Tidy up life and your feelings for your ex BEFORE you start dating again.
7. ...Say you'll call when you have no intention of calling. Keep your word! If you say you're going to do something, DO IT. If you know that you have no intention of calling the woman back or seeing her again don't tell her that you will! Again this creates craziness in some women because you lead them to believe things are good, everything's ok and then you just drop them. It's confusing so what does the woman do?? She starts calling, texting, emailing looking like a psychopath when all she really wants is an answer. If you wait to long then finally give her an answer of course she'll be pissed and ready to tear your head off! Be honest. At the end of the night simply say " It was nice meeting you, have a good evening." Walk her to her door ;) Done. End of story. If she asks about calling or going out on another date simply and gently tell her you don't feel that there's a connection. Most women may not like it but they'll understand it and it allows them to move on from you without invoking the crazy in them! If you do plan on seeing her again and say you'll call/text/email tomorrow, DO IT! Not the day after but the day you said. Keeping your word shows maturity and builds trust. Sometimes you can't but be straightforward. Call ( not text or email) it's more personal this way and say " My meeting's running late at work, I won't be able to make dinner tonight, i'm sorry. Can I make it up to you tomorrow night?" or something to that effect based on your circumstance. This is still trustworthy and shows maturity, respect for her time and a genuine continued interest in her. Stuff happens and we can be understanding if you communicate and talk to us.
First dates are about first impressions and getting to know each other. Stirring interests, excitement, butterflies in your stomach, curiosity and new possibilities. This is the time to start new and fresh and to be open to a new person that may be able to add something to your life :). These Do's and Don'ts aren't etched in stone lol. They're simply a guide based on my own personal experience as well as similar common complaints I hear from other women. The difference is they just don't tell you whereas I, your BFWhisperer will ;) .
I hope this blog was helpful and as always I'm open to questions comments! On a side note, I've noticed I have a strong following in these countries so I'd like to say: Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, and Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands! Thanks for reading and I hope you've found my posts helpful and at the very least entertaining!
Stay tuned for my next post :)...
Mini Story: One of my worst dates was a really nice guy that was super smart, spoke 5 languages, helped kids in Africa .. I mean we're talking on the verge of Sainthood here! lol. I met him online but when I met him in person he was still super smart and sweet but about 50-60 lbs heavier than he said he was and looked like a mess. Just from the oily, greasy, disheveled look his hair had it was in bad need of a wash and cut. His beard was what looked to be an untrimmed bird's nest made of facial hair that had pieces of food in it. I swear I was expecting a squirrel to pop up any minute now! He had a food stain on his shirt. His nails had dirt underneath them.Coffee stain on the khaki's and old man loafer's for shoes. So you're probably thinking I took off on him right?? Wrong! I didn't, I stuck it out and went for a coffee with him but I did tell him he wasn't my type. He is a classic example for this article because he must've been wondering WTF because he doesn't realize his lack of hygiene was a real turn off! To many dating infractions committed and that was his first and last date with me.
I therefore title this blog: First Date Do's and Don'ts
So Let's start with the DO's :
1. Show up on time!! If you're running late don't just show up, call or text. This shows responsibility and awareness of other peoples time. Some people are real sticklers for time and lateness makes them feel like you don't appreciate their time as being just as important as yours.
2. Compliment her! Women go through extraordinary measures to prepare for a date! lol They do their hair, make up, sometimes buy a whole new outfit, shoes etc.. When you don't notice that puts a damper on things. Every woman wants to feel beautiful. That's why she goes through all that madness! She wants to look good for herself but she also wants YOU to think she looks beautiful. And don't be creepy about it! Saying you love her feet instead of her shoes.... Eww! big no no. Saying her ass looks PHAT in those jeans big no no. Saying you like her top as you eye rape her cleavage... big no no. lol. Keep it simple. "Wow, you look really beautiful!" Or "You look stunning ". Keep the compliment about the whole package if possible instead of zeroing in on a particular feature or body part. Lowers the creep factor increases the gentleman factor ;) .
3. Show some sense of chivalry! This doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call but women are often impressed in this day and age if you remember to open her car door, open the door to a restaurant, pull out her seat, pay the bill, walk her to her door etc. I'm not saying you have to do all of them but the more you do the more she pays attention. It's the gentleman's way!
4. Wear clean clothes and be hygenic! I can't believe I have to say that but I do. I have been on a few dates where guys show up with stains on their clothes, dirty shoes, unwashed hair, beards that look like they contain nests etc. Dress appropriately. Make sure everything is clean, pressed or at the very least not wrinkled ( looking like you crawled out of a laundry basket isn't cool either lol). Whatever your style is have some pride in your appearance and look good whether it's a good date or not at least you look hot ;) . Trust me, she sees every little thing.
5. Pay the bill guys! Again, I can't believe I have to say that but I do. So you're thinking, why do I always have to put up for the bill right? Simple this is just part of being a man from a woman's perspective. It shows her you have some decent upbringing when it comes to treating a woman like a lady and that you're not cheap. Here's the thing. Women like me, have careers, pay rent/mortgage/bills etc on our own so if we're going to have a man in our life is that a need or a want? That's a want. She doesn't need you to pay the bill she can pay it herself but when you pay it shows you're displaying old school gentleman qualities and a lot of women really like that. I've been out on dates where the guy will order all this stuff to eat then ask me to pay half the bill! I'm a small eater. Kid's meals fill me up so when a guy does that I never say a word. I always come with money, I pay half then I find my own way home and he never hears from me again. Ever. Erase delete, he's done. Cheapness is inexcusable to a lot of women. Does that mean we'll never pay?? No... but definitely further down the line.
6. Have little to no expectations. At the end of the date, politely put your date in the car, walk her to her doorstep ( for fear of bad people hiding in the shadows! lol), give her a QUICK hug and or kiss and call it a night! I know, I know!!! But you wanna get laid!!! lol If she has any intentions of screwing you... she'll invite you in herself. Some women need time others need hrs. If you feel like just because you paid for dinner she owes you something ( think again!) she'll sense that and be prepared with an excuse in no time however if you give her a quick hug/kiss and leave, it tells her you're interested but you're not expecting her to give you sex for a meal which earns serious points in her book! At that point she may invite you in OR she may not because she's a good a girl and wants to wait to see if you're serious. Both ways leave her with a good impression providing the date went well.
7. Make sure she gets in safely. Always watch her walk through the front door. If she lives in an apartment make sure you see her get in the elevator and she calls or messages you when she's through the front door. A man that's concerned for a woman's safety? Big bonus points. Most guys sulk away and don't pay attention to this little detail. When a guy's concerned for our safety that sets off a primal instinct. "This guy wants to protect me, he cares about my safety." Most women like feeling protected and safe. It's one of those things men can provide which can make a big difference. I once had a woman say to me that if the guy drove off before she got through the door it was an extreme turn off. When I asked why she said it was because he didn't care to see her in safely. She took that as selfishness. Even if the date doesn't go well, be mature and still walk her to the door. At least you can end the night being a gentleman which is more than a lot of other men can say.
On to the DON'Ts... ( and guys, this is not meant to be insulting or offensive to anyone you. Just honest, straightforward and helpful because chances are if you know you've done any of these things then no one's taken the time to be honest and tell you. That's what I'm here for :) )
1. ...Curse or use of vulgar language. It's one of those unnecessary things that some men do on dates. It sounds ignorant, unintelligent and aggressive. It can become an instant turn off and signal possible excessive aggression to a woman. Try to keep the language clean and the conversation flowing.
2. ...Spend all your time talking about yourself. When you're on a date you have to remember it takes two people to be on the date so conversation should be a two way street in terms of learning about each other and not just her learning about you or vice versa. I have actually timed some guys as to how long they can spend talking about themselves without ever asking a question about me! It's unbelievable how long a guy can talk about himself without thinking twice about it! It's such a turn off. And sometimes when the man actually does ask a question about me, often he'll cut me off and redirect the conversation back to himself! He does that simply to say he tried to ask questions about her but if you ask him what he's learned about her, he can't say much of anything because he's spent the evening talking about how wonderful he is, what a great catch he is ( his mom, sisters and female friends ask him why he's still single all the time - Um seriously?!) and how successfully he is and what a nice ride he has blah blah blah.. I'm usually bored enough by this point to create an imaginary phone call or just plain tell him we're not right for each other. I drop my money on the table and I'm out.
3. ...Get to touchy feely. Gentlemen, no matter how long it's been since you've gotten laid, please don't manhandle your dates. Nothing says "Run" to us like a guy with sticky hands. Usually appropriate touching could be classified as a brief touch on the small of her back as a hostess leads you to your table, brief touches while laughing on the hand or arm. Inappropriate usually falls in the line of lingering touches anywhere unless encouraged or anywhere around the breasts/cleavage and anything below the waist and above knees. Best way to gauge this is by her reaction. If she stiffens or shows any signs of discomfort, your touch regardless of where it is, is making her uncomfortable.
4. ...Check other women out during the date. When you're on a date with a woman try to keep eye contact with her instead of checking out the other women around you. When you do it shows that you're paying attention to her, listening to her. When you're not it shows that you're not interested, that you'd rather be on a date or in bed with that woman than the one that's in front of you and even if that's the case it's just plain rude to show it. She might as well call you ugly, tell you about your bad teeth/breath or that she thinks you're lacking some equipment in front of your pants.. yet she doesn't because it's just plain rude lol! And don't think you guys have us fooled with the sly looks you think we can't see because trust me we've noticed we just aren't saying anything. This is how you create jealousy in a woman.. avoid avoid avoid!!!
5. ...Pick up phone calls or texts. Nothing says rude like you picking up calls and returning text messages throughout a date. Focus. This woman is here, everyone else can wait a couple of hours. The only person you should be calling is a babysitter or a child if you have one. And it's polite to give that warning early in the date. A reasonable woman respects and admires the fact that you want to check in and stay in contact with your child. An unreasonable one doesn't. If she shows any signs of being jealous or upset that you're calling your child - abort that date asap! That is an early warning sign that she doesn't want to share you and when you're a parent that's a non-negotiable rule.
6. ...Bring up the Ex. This is a conversation for later. IF it has to come up keep it brief don't dwell on it. Your date with this woman has nothing to do with the last one.Learn from your mistakes but don't hold future women accountable for what your ex did to you. If your ex cheated on you ( that sucks, I know what that's like) it doesn't mean that this woman will. Give her the benefit of the doubt along with a clean slate. There's nothing like being in the shadow of the ex. If you're not over her don't start dating to get over her because it doesn't work. You're just using that woman as a distraction which makes you no better than your ex. Tidy up life and your feelings for your ex BEFORE you start dating again.
7. ...Say you'll call when you have no intention of calling. Keep your word! If you say you're going to do something, DO IT. If you know that you have no intention of calling the woman back or seeing her again don't tell her that you will! Again this creates craziness in some women because you lead them to believe things are good, everything's ok and then you just drop them. It's confusing so what does the woman do?? She starts calling, texting, emailing looking like a psychopath when all she really wants is an answer. If you wait to long then finally give her an answer of course she'll be pissed and ready to tear your head off! Be honest. At the end of the night simply say " It was nice meeting you, have a good evening." Walk her to her door ;) Done. End of story. If she asks about calling or going out on another date simply and gently tell her you don't feel that there's a connection. Most women may not like it but they'll understand it and it allows them to move on from you without invoking the crazy in them! If you do plan on seeing her again and say you'll call/text/email tomorrow, DO IT! Not the day after but the day you said. Keeping your word shows maturity and builds trust. Sometimes you can't but be straightforward. Call ( not text or email) it's more personal this way and say " My meeting's running late at work, I won't be able to make dinner tonight, i'm sorry. Can I make it up to you tomorrow night?" or something to that effect based on your circumstance. This is still trustworthy and shows maturity, respect for her time and a genuine continued interest in her. Stuff happens and we can be understanding if you communicate and talk to us.
First dates are about first impressions and getting to know each other. Stirring interests, excitement, butterflies in your stomach, curiosity and new possibilities. This is the time to start new and fresh and to be open to a new person that may be able to add something to your life :). These Do's and Don'ts aren't etched in stone lol. They're simply a guide based on my own personal experience as well as similar common complaints I hear from other women. The difference is they just don't tell you whereas I, your BFWhisperer will ;) .
I hope this blog was helpful and as always I'm open to questions comments! On a side note, I've noticed I have a strong following in these countries so I'd like to say: Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, and Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands! Thanks for reading and I hope you've found my posts helpful and at the very least entertaining!
Stay tuned for my next post :)...
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Internet Dating and Profiling
Is it just me or do you find it hard to meet someone the good old fashioned way in today's world?! It seems that you can't go out and just meet people randomly, through friends or at a party/club and if you do it's often with the intention of hooking up... but what about men and women that actually want to date and don't have a lot of time for the bar scene or maybe you just don't enjoy it.. what do you do then when you have a busy career, a child or two ..or more, and you want someone to hang out with, talk to, laugh etc?
Welcome to ...INTERNET DATING!!!! lol
For those of you guys saying "whatever I don't need the internet to pick up women!" When you think about it, it's a logical step in the world of technology! We have 3D tv, iPhones, cars with cameras to help you reverse... so why not dating through the internet? Look at it as a virtual bar! Don't take it to seriously but it expands your options! There are tons of dating sites, some are paid some are free. Pick one or two and check them out. What kind of people are there? Do you see a few women that pique your interest? If so sign up! What have you got to lose? Keep it safe, screen the emails and voila! You've just moseyed into the virtual bar!
Here are some of my tips for internet dating:
1. Profiles.. Fill them out! This is the time to introduce yourself, talk about things you like/don't like, what you're looking for and to tell them a bit about your personality. Quite a few people start off their profiles with "I dunno what to say, it's so hard to talk about myself here".. really??? Because you have no problem talking about yourself in person! Just start typing as if you were talking! Also don't just say " hey I hate filling out these things but feel free to ask me anything you like." This is both a very lazy and negative statement. If people are already internet dating it's because time is of the essence. Why do you think they have time to sit down and ask you questions about yourself in which the answers should already be in your profile? And lets not forget it's you plus a million other guys saying the same thing! It doesn't have to be a book but keep it fun, unique, and looking like you genuinely want to meet someone. Women will reply to that more so than "I hate filling out these things."
2. Pictures. Extremely important! Most online profiles actually have the option to not receive emails from people without pics, it's that important. Upload 3-5 shots at the very minimum. At least one clear head shot where you're smiling and facing the camera not the side of your face. One upper body shot and one full length shot. Why? Because she wants to know what your face looks like! Do you have nice teeth, do you have nice eyes hence the head shot. Upper body is good because it gives a good idea from the waist up how you look from a short distance. Full length shot gives the idea of what you look like overall. Make sure that the head or upper body shot does not contain a shadow, is not blurry, and you're not wearing either a hat or sunglasses...why?? Because they block your face! Is she looking to date you or the hat that's covering half of your face?? lol Come on guys let's be real!! Let me guess.. some of you are saying but it's a style!! Ya well she can see that style in a full length shot or in person! Try to avoid goofy pics. Most of the time guys think these pics are funny and show their "fun side" but to a woman most of those pics translate as ridiculous or unattractive next thing you know she's clicked on the next profile. Don't worry guys you'll have plenty of time later to show her this side of you! Make sure the area is well lit and preferably get someone else to take the pic for you. Many women seem to not like self shot pics. Now I don't always agree with this one but I have seen many women complain about it( I don't know why!!) but I'm putting this out there for them. Please keep your shirt on! lol Literally. I've seen a lot of women complain about to many shirtless pics! Personally I'm of the belief that if you have a nice body rock it out! I never mind seeing a nice set of abs but hey some do so there you go lol. Last but not least.. Make sure the pic is recent. As in within the last 3 months. NO ONE likes the shocker when their date shows up and they're 100 lbs heavier and 10 years older than their pics!! :-o !!! Not cool! Whatever you are, BE HONEST about it.
3.Contact. So at some point you start reading profiles looking at pics and decide "hey this girl looks cute, I like what she has to say I'll send her a message." For God's sake men say something worth responding too!! Say more than one or two words rather than just saying Hi or how're you... there are 10 other guys that have already messaged her the same thing! She often won't bother replying. Be polite but brief. " Hi.. I came across your profile and you seem really_______ ( funny, sweet, interesting, intelligent etc) when you have a minute take a look at my profile and if you're interested in getting to know each other I'd love to hear back from you! Thanks_____ (insert your name). What does this say? It means you took the time to read about her not just look at her pics, it shows you have manners and can speak politely and respectfully ( women love gentlemen), and you commented on HER and not how she looks. 9 times out of ten men shoot themselves in the foot by commenting on her looks first. Does that mean never say she's pretty or attractive? No. Just don't make it the first thing. If women think you're just talking to them because you like her ass or their breasts you're dead in the water lol. They don't like being objectified. Most sane, intelligent attractive women want a man that sees what's between her ears and values it as much as he values her smokin body ;) get it? Now does this mean it will always work? Nope. But you're more likely to get a response than if you continue using one or two words. And PLEASE spell out your words!! These U R CUTE messages. I don't care how intelligent you are but it looks like you're dense when you send a message like this. How much time does it save you to leave out a couple of letters?? Take a minute and type the message using real words not fictitious lazy attempts at words.
4. Texting/Calling. If you have gotten to this step Congratulations! You've made a connection! Keep the texting brief but polite! Simply because so many messages lose their translation. How many times have you sent what you thought was a funny message only for the person to be upset, confused or mad? Right. Keep it simple. Calling is very important. Often you can hear things that turn you off or on just by listening to the person's voice, the way they speak, the sound, and their ability to hold a conversation. you'll be surprised how much you can learn by a voice and this will do one of two things. Either you'll feel more encouraged to meet the person or you'll be glad you didn't and saved yourself the time and money lol.
5. Meeting. Guys I have to say... I don't believe in coffee dates. Meeting the person for the first time is all about first impressions! As a woman I'm not going to get myself all dolled up to sit in front of a Starbuck's. it's an absolute waste of time. And I'm going to say it, and some of you won't like it but... it's just plain cheap!! Some of you are pissed now because cheap people don't like being called cheap ( unless you're a recovering addict of any kind--you get a free pass! :) ) but that's the truth of the matter. If you're really interested in a woman do something nice! That doesn't mean you have to break the bank either! Meet for a drink- yes an alcoholic beverage! IF you guys get along share an appetizer :). If she's a vegan or non-drinker source out a nice vegan cafe where you can get a nice pastry or dessert or something ( she'll love that because it shows you're listening to her, you're taking her into consideration, and you care to impress her) . Or a nice coffee place that's more than just a coffee place! For example, here in Toronto there's a great cafe in the downtown core called Snakes and Lattes where you can go get a coffee while playing any one of their over 1000 board games! It's fun, unique, very affordable and a great way to get to know someone :).
6. What to wear. Dress appropriately. How many dates have I been on where the guy just wasn't dressed properly?? Here's a check list:
Remember, when it comes to internet dating, your profile and your pics are your selling tools. So take the time to make it reflect who you are as best as possible. What you're aiming to do is get women interested enough in your profile to stay on your page and email you instead of clicking NEXT! When it's done, if you're still not sure ask a good female friend to review it and give you some HONEST, helpful advice.
Those are my tips for internet dating! I hope they help! Please feel free to ask questions, post comments etc. Good Luck and stay tuned for my next post! :)
Welcome to ...INTERNET DATING!!!! lol
For those of you guys saying "whatever I don't need the internet to pick up women!" When you think about it, it's a logical step in the world of technology! We have 3D tv, iPhones, cars with cameras to help you reverse... so why not dating through the internet? Look at it as a virtual bar! Don't take it to seriously but it expands your options! There are tons of dating sites, some are paid some are free. Pick one or two and check them out. What kind of people are there? Do you see a few women that pique your interest? If so sign up! What have you got to lose? Keep it safe, screen the emails and voila! You've just moseyed into the virtual bar!
Here are some of my tips for internet dating:
1. Profiles.. Fill them out! This is the time to introduce yourself, talk about things you like/don't like, what you're looking for and to tell them a bit about your personality. Quite a few people start off their profiles with "I dunno what to say, it's so hard to talk about myself here".. really??? Because you have no problem talking about yourself in person! Just start typing as if you were talking! Also don't just say " hey I hate filling out these things but feel free to ask me anything you like." This is both a very lazy and negative statement. If people are already internet dating it's because time is of the essence. Why do you think they have time to sit down and ask you questions about yourself in which the answers should already be in your profile? And lets not forget it's you plus a million other guys saying the same thing! It doesn't have to be a book but keep it fun, unique, and looking like you genuinely want to meet someone. Women will reply to that more so than "I hate filling out these things."
2. Pictures. Extremely important! Most online profiles actually have the option to not receive emails from people without pics, it's that important. Upload 3-5 shots at the very minimum. At least one clear head shot where you're smiling and facing the camera not the side of your face. One upper body shot and one full length shot. Why? Because she wants to know what your face looks like! Do you have nice teeth, do you have nice eyes hence the head shot. Upper body is good because it gives a good idea from the waist up how you look from a short distance. Full length shot gives the idea of what you look like overall. Make sure that the head or upper body shot does not contain a shadow, is not blurry, and you're not wearing either a hat or sunglasses...why?? Because they block your face! Is she looking to date you or the hat that's covering half of your face?? lol Come on guys let's be real!! Let me guess.. some of you are saying but it's a style!! Ya well she can see that style in a full length shot or in person! Try to avoid goofy pics. Most of the time guys think these pics are funny and show their "fun side" but to a woman most of those pics translate as ridiculous or unattractive next thing you know she's clicked on the next profile. Don't worry guys you'll have plenty of time later to show her this side of you! Make sure the area is well lit and preferably get someone else to take the pic for you. Many women seem to not like self shot pics. Now I don't always agree with this one but I have seen many women complain about it( I don't know why!!) but I'm putting this out there for them. Please keep your shirt on! lol Literally. I've seen a lot of women complain about to many shirtless pics! Personally I'm of the belief that if you have a nice body rock it out! I never mind seeing a nice set of abs but hey some do so there you go lol. Last but not least.. Make sure the pic is recent. As in within the last 3 months. NO ONE likes the shocker when their date shows up and they're 100 lbs heavier and 10 years older than their pics!! :-o !!! Not cool! Whatever you are, BE HONEST about it.
3.Contact. So at some point you start reading profiles looking at pics and decide "hey this girl looks cute, I like what she has to say I'll send her a message." For God's sake men say something worth responding too!! Say more than one or two words rather than just saying Hi or how're you... there are 10 other guys that have already messaged her the same thing! She often won't bother replying. Be polite but brief. " Hi.. I came across your profile and you seem really_______ ( funny, sweet, interesting, intelligent etc) when you have a minute take a look at my profile and if you're interested in getting to know each other I'd love to hear back from you! Thanks_____ (insert your name). What does this say? It means you took the time to read about her not just look at her pics, it shows you have manners and can speak politely and respectfully ( women love gentlemen), and you commented on HER and not how she looks. 9 times out of ten men shoot themselves in the foot by commenting on her looks first. Does that mean never say she's pretty or attractive? No. Just don't make it the first thing. If women think you're just talking to them because you like her ass or their breasts you're dead in the water lol. They don't like being objectified. Most sane, intelligent attractive women want a man that sees what's between her ears and values it as much as he values her smokin body ;) get it? Now does this mean it will always work? Nope. But you're more likely to get a response than if you continue using one or two words. And PLEASE spell out your words!! These U R CUTE messages. I don't care how intelligent you are but it looks like you're dense when you send a message like this. How much time does it save you to leave out a couple of letters?? Take a minute and type the message using real words not fictitious lazy attempts at words.
4. Texting/Calling. If you have gotten to this step Congratulations! You've made a connection! Keep the texting brief but polite! Simply because so many messages lose their translation. How many times have you sent what you thought was a funny message only for the person to be upset, confused or mad? Right. Keep it simple. Calling is very important. Often you can hear things that turn you off or on just by listening to the person's voice, the way they speak, the sound, and their ability to hold a conversation. you'll be surprised how much you can learn by a voice and this will do one of two things. Either you'll feel more encouraged to meet the person or you'll be glad you didn't and saved yourself the time and money lol.
5. Meeting. Guys I have to say... I don't believe in coffee dates. Meeting the person for the first time is all about first impressions! As a woman I'm not going to get myself all dolled up to sit in front of a Starbuck's. it's an absolute waste of time. And I'm going to say it, and some of you won't like it but... it's just plain cheap!! Some of you are pissed now because cheap people don't like being called cheap ( unless you're a recovering addict of any kind--you get a free pass! :) ) but that's the truth of the matter. If you're really interested in a woman do something nice! That doesn't mean you have to break the bank either! Meet for a drink- yes an alcoholic beverage! IF you guys get along share an appetizer :). If she's a vegan or non-drinker source out a nice vegan cafe where you can get a nice pastry or dessert or something ( she'll love that because it shows you're listening to her, you're taking her into consideration, and you care to impress her) . Or a nice coffee place that's more than just a coffee place! For example, here in Toronto there's a great cafe in the downtown core called Snakes and Lattes where you can go get a coffee while playing any one of their over 1000 board games! It's fun, unique, very affordable and a great way to get to know someone :).
6. What to wear. Dress appropriately. How many dates have I been on where the guy just wasn't dressed properly?? Here's a check list:
- Shirt/pants ironed? - no one likes when a man looks like he's crawled out of a laundry basket lol
- Teeth brushed? No one likes bad breath. Make sure to brush your teeth just BEFORE you go on your date.
- Stain free? Please make sure all your clothing is clean and free of stains.
- Hygiene? Shower, shave, deodorant, clean under the nails, ears, shampoo hair, toe nails trimmed and clean looking if you're wearing sandles and don't think she won't notice! I know what you're saying... Are you serious?? Deadly. A lot of men forget to do one or more of these things believe it or not lol.
- Breath Mints or gum? Always have some on you just in case you eat or drink something that alters your breath. If your breath smells bad at all you can KISS your good night kiss goodbye.. cheesy pun intended :p lol
- If you have a beard make sure it's properly trimmed or well maintained.. if you're not sure ask another woman that's not your mother, sister or family.
- Same goes for your hairstyle whatever it may be keep it clean looking.
Remember, when it comes to internet dating, your profile and your pics are your selling tools. So take the time to make it reflect who you are as best as possible. What you're aiming to do is get women interested enough in your profile to stay on your page and email you instead of clicking NEXT! When it's done, if you're still not sure ask a good female friend to review it and give you some HONEST, helpful advice.
Those are my tips for internet dating! I hope they help! Please feel free to ask questions, post comments etc. Good Luck and stay tuned for my next post! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)