Gray areas of Indiscretion with Married Men

 Indiscretion and the married man.... oooooh dicey topic! lol Back in my 20's I thought I knew it all when it came to this topic. It was simple. When you're in relationship whether it's long term, engagement or marriage.. you just don't cheat. Plain and simple. Black and white.. except it's not, and as the years flew by  I begrudgingly and slowly started to notice that there was this small gray area where the lines of black and white met and became blurred and I no longer had a clear answer. It's like watching the TV show Dexter! You KNOW that murder is wrong! But when Dexter kills a Pedophile or a Rapist we're the first ones with poms poms in our hands cheering him on! Wooohooo! We're actually cheering for someone to do the thing we know to be wrong even though we believe it's justice... did you see it?? That little shade of gray right where the black and white meet? Sneeky little sucker! Over the years I've found myself in situations where I've begun to understand why some men end up cheating on their wives. Do I condone it? GOD NO! I can say however, I'm not so quick to judge any more.

For some reason, the only guys that hit on me are guys that have nothing to lose lol. Married men are  attracted to me like bees on honey! lol Not to mention, men with no jobs and men that live at home with their moms.  Why are these guys attracted to me? The men with no jobs and the ones that live at home with mom see strength and confidence... in other words someone to take care of them. a.k.a. Their Momma lol. But married men? They see that too but they see greener grass. Here's a woman that hasn't given up on her figure. Here's a woman that sees me and not just my wallet or all the imperfections.She's not bitching at me! Here's a woman that will give me affection. Here's a woman that WANTS to fuck me. Did you guys know that most times when guys cheat on their wives they're not usually with overly stunning women. They're with normal or average looking women that give them affection. Both physical and emotional, even if it's just for an hour or two. Often men cheat because this is what they crave. That's when my line between black and white started to get blurred. I thought all these guys cheated because they were just straight up assholes. Guys that wanted more than just the cake, they had to have the pie too! Let's face it, some just like a strange new hole to fuck. I hated these guys. I swore up and down I would NEVER get involved with a married guy because karma would bitch slap me across the face and God knows my life is already like a freaking gong show when it comes to men, who the hell needed another episode of Dating Disasters - Crazy wife edition ??? lol.


Soo of course that meant I had to meet....let's call him Jeremy. Jeremy I met through Craigslist as well. I think I had thrown the fishing line out again into the Craigslist pond again for a FWB and came across Jeremy eventually. Jeremy is not my typical kinda guy. He is in great shape.. but he's hairier than i usually like and he smokes. Smoking is a big turn off for me because honestly guys, for a non-smoker it tastes disgusting. Your whole mouth tastes like nicotine not to mention your other body parts. Yup. The OTHER body parts lol... for the slower guys those are your cock and balls lol ;). Even your skin, if we lick it, we can taste the nicotine coming out of your pores. Yuck. Moving along swiftly.. Jeremy and I meet and we get to talking and I find that I really enjoy his personality. He's super intelligent, laughter and conversation comes easy so I ask a typical question when I meet a nice single guy.. " So tell me, why are you still single?" This is a sink or swim question lol. This is your time to spill the beans or desperately try to hide them lol... Remarkably, he spilled! He fessed up to being married and having four kids. Obviously right off the bat the mood changed. This is the point in time where many women get up and leave but not your dear friend the BFW lol. Curiousity and the cat?? Shoot, That's my middle name! lol.. I think it takes balls to admit to a woman you're on a date with that you have kids and a WIFE?? Jesus, that can go so many ways from a drink to the face, a slap in it's place and you standing alone looking like a sorry case lol. My first instinct was to automatically hate this guy and  judge him for being a bad husband and leave... At the same token he could've been like many other assholes and told me everything I wanted to hear, screw me then leave me like most men would do but he didn't. I felt that for that level of respect I at least owed him an unbiased ear.

We talked for a long time, his story was definitely filled with twists and turns from getting pregnant and married in his early 20's to finding out his wife had been sexually assaulted when she was younger (she never got into details about it with him) to they hadn't had sex in over 6 years! 6 years???? Are you kidding me?? I could not imagine not using my God given parts for 6 YEARS!!! This is where the line gets blurred you see? You start thinking ... What would I do if this were me? I'd start looking. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I would! There's only so long you can try with a partner before you start to feel like you're a chore on a checklist! Take out the garbage, check. Do the laundry, check. Fuck my wife/husband... move to Friday nights To DO list lol. Nothing happened right away. We hung out, we chatted, we vented about life, talked about our passions, the usual stuff. One day, one thing led to the next and bada boom bada bing we got naked and jumped in the sack and it was gooooood lol. There's nothing quite like a man that's been denied sex for years. It's like giving a starving man food! You just can't give him enough and you are the best thing ever! I'm only 5'2 and that guy tossed and manhandled me in all sorts of ways.. it was awesome lol! After that, my conscience started to get in the way and I told him we had to stop the sex part because I didn't want some crazy wife or worse yet a broken hearted wife showing up on my doorstep... except the sex was really good and in a couple months he got a call back for a return engagement lol. Listen, I'm of the age now where I gotta get mine and you gotta get yours. Then there's the taboo of it all that makes it just a tiny bit more scary and exciting! The whole thing becomes more of a turn on. Sometimes lines get crossed, this was one of those times and that went on for a few weeks and then something dreadful happened.... he fell in love with me!


That my friends was when it was finally over. When I could see the look in his eyes and the words coming out his mouth... No, no and hell NO! Love was not aloud in this equation! Sex was barely even allowed let alone love. Love is emotional and emotions are messy. Sex is physical, practical, logical and gratifying. Love complicates everything. This is where I become selfish. He's married, it's not my fault if he's in unhappy marriage. It's his responsibility to get out of it. I deserve to have my own partner one day not be the other woman a man loves because he wants to "stay together for the kids". Screw that. That is when they become selfish because they're to afraid to admit it's not the kids they're worried about but themselves. They don't want to be alone but it's much easier to say it's about the kids than to admit that to themselves. Children are resilient, they will survive with separated or divorced parents but often it's the men that fall apart not the women. If anything the women look better most times lol. Shortly after that I stopped seeing him. I had crossed a line into a taboo world and walked boldly through it but returned to the real world and stepped back across the line.

Would I do it again? Hmmmm I don't know. Maybe if the circumstances and situations aligned themselves in the right way, sure. I did however, learn a lot. Until you find yourself wrapped up in the craziness and experience of infidelity, sexual denial,  lack of affection coupled with desire.... no one has the right to judge. Gray areas are foggy and often it's not until we're actually put in the position that we really come to understand or bend our thinking on the topic. Until then we pick a side Black or White.. Gray is for those individuals that are experienced and have had their morals challenged and made honest decisions. I never said they were the right decisions but honest decisions often lack regret and help us gain insight to move forward and grow into wiser individuals.

Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon with my update! :)




Hello to all my new friends!  Привіт  in the Ukraine, はじめまして  in Japan, Salam in Iran, Bonjour in France,Ni hao and Ni ho in China  and Dobar den in Bulgaria!

Origins of the BFWhisperer

Sex. Dating. Relationships. One Night Stands... Guys you really need some help with all of it! This blog is born not out of anger, bitterness or hatred for the male sex but just pure unadulterated frustration! I  want to create this blog to help me get it out but also through my stories I hope to offer you a perspective you never thought of or realized and to give a you a good laugh in the hopes that you learn something that helps you to understand the women in your life and how your actions affect them but also I hope my stories, advice or recommendations make your life with women a little easier :) .

MY DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert when it comes to anything I speak about in this blog. Everything is based on my experience and perspective. I can not and will not be responsible for the fall out of anything you chose to do based on this blog but I can say I will always be honest, straightforward and will act with the best of intentions. The only thing that will not be true in this blog are names, locations or identities and pics should I chose to include them later. Most likely it will be a pic reflective of the topic but not from any actual person in my stories or blog.

So... what prompted this blog? A guy  who was supposed to have sex with me and stood me up. We therefore title this first blog...

COURTESY

Let me give you some background information about myself. I am 35, attractive, 5' 2, 118 lbs, slim petite, single black female (sbf) and I'm in the gym 3-5 /wk. I work a lot and it's not your typical 9-5 job.I've never smoked a day in my life and I don't do drugs, never even tried one that wasn't an over the counter including weed. Hello and welcome to the rare Black Personis Non-Weedis. A truly  rare and remarkable species.. says the old British Narrator lol. I try to date but it's hard to find the right kind of guy in my age category that hasn't let himself go ( this is a whole other blog). In the meantime I was looking for a fwb and found one in a 28 yrs old student in a Ph.D program. I find intelligent men incredibly  hot! lol.. And he's in the Army Reserves.. more hotness lol. Anyway we've had sex here and there over a couple of years but never anything consistent. We've always stayed in contact.  Well this year I had sex with him earlier in the year but since then I have had a world of health problems.

In December I pulled a muscle in my chest while sneezing! I mean seriously??! who does that??! ME!  So I decided to stop working out so that I wouldn't  re-injure or further injure the muscle. After a month it hadn't gone away and was in fact getting worse. I had also found out in October that my PAP test came back as abnormal and although my doctor assured me that that was normal and happened to a lot of women I was sure it was serious. She said I had 2 options: 1. retake the test in 6 months or 2. see a Gynecologist and get biopsied. Getting the biopsy done would get definitive results and I wanted to waste no time so I chose option number 2. So in January I went in to get the muscle looked at and I had the Gynecologist appointment later in the month. Guess what happened??? I found out that my blood pressure (bp) was consistently to high for my age so I'm sent for a slew of tests. Ultrasound, ECG,  and blood work. Turns out I need to see a Cardiologist! I go to the Gynecologist and the results from the Biopsy say I have Pre-Cancerous cells so I'm scheduled to have a minor surgery done to remove the cells from my cervix... oh and did I mention the doctor was  good enough to give me these results just before I went on vacation for 2 weeks??? OH YA! Good times!!! So.. Recap. I'm 35, take pretty good care of myself, I have high bp, and pre-cancerous cells in my vag jay jay!!! The Cardiologist makes me take home a portable bp monitor where I take my bp every day for 6 weeks AND I get the pre-cancerous cells removed in April (there's nothing fun about being shot up with adrenaline deep deep DEEP in your vag jay jay while you smell the doctor burning off your flesh to remove the pre-cancerous cells!! Oh yum :-s  )  where I spend the next 4  weeks bleeding profusely. I was exhausted, tired and feeling generally crappy and unattractive. And because I was not allowed to work out with all these things going on I gained 12 lbs and got flabby. I hated it. I felt so very unattractive. Now honestly, I didn't get fat. It was just that I was used to my body being firm, tight and toned so losing it and becoming the way I looked, my self esteem tanked. Anyway moving along swiftly.. At the end of May I was cleared to go back to the gym! Yay!!!! I started in June and it has been a process. It's so easy for the body to go from firm to flabby but in our 30's it's so hard to get it back! 6 weeks in and I'm just starting to see signs of my old body coming back. I've lost 6 lbs and things are slowly on the rise for me physically... which brings us to this evening. Why did my health history matter?? It's been 6 months since I've entertained the idea of having sex. 6 MONTHS!!! I am a sexual being!! I need to get laid! I enjoy sex! Both giving and receiving. I'm not shy! My self esteem started to come back and so  did my libido! Gung Ho!! lol So I called upon this guy to help me get mah groove back! Let's call him..Paul. Paul is REALLY good at Fucking. He sucks at foreplay and oral but he's got a great package and knows how to use it! We've had sex before, we've had issues before but I thought for sure he'd come through this time. I even messaged him last night and asked if he was coming and he said "ya why?" And I said " Just checking, wasn't sure if you were still coming." Didn't hear back from him but didn't think anything of it either.


I run home after work today, I tidy up, I shower, scrub, shave, brush my teeth, moisturize my body so that everything is smooth and sleek like silk! I like being touched and when the skin is soft and silky men enjoy touching more and here at BFwhisperer headquarters, I aim to please ;) lol. I get dressed and ready, he should be here any minute.... except he isn't. I wait 5, 10, 20, 30 mins... I realize.. he's not coming. I text him no reply. I call him, the phone's off. I am royally pissed! After 6 months of no sex I really wanted to let loose some of this built up tension. In short, I need to get fucked.  Not to mention.. first time with this new vag jay jay! I wanted to know if it would change things! Would I feel more? less? Could I still have sex the way I had before? I've read so many other women's comments on other sites post surgery and there are so many different views on what happens afterward that I wanted to experience it for myself. Finally know... All he had to do was call or text. At least respect the fact that I'm at home waiting for him to rock my world! I get that life is busy but guys, life is NEVER so busy that you don't have 2 mins to send a message and say " Hi, sorry I can't make it tonight... any chance I can make it up to you tomorrow?" or whenever is best to reschedule. It all just comes down to common courtesy. Even better yet is having the courtesy to be man enough to pick up the phone in this day and age of text and email to personally deliver a heartfelt apology for the cancellation with the offer to make it up. Most sane women will be perfectly understanding about that given the reason is a good one. The crazy ones will bite your head off no matter what the reason lol. I can't help with that part, crazy is crazy! lol


The Moral of the story is: Show the woman a little respect and courtesy and you're bound to save yourself the emotional break downs, cursing, silent treatment etc. and possibly ensure that you continue to get laid lol. No matter what type of relationship you have with a woman from (no strings attached) NSA to Marriage, a little respect and courtesy go a long way.



As for Paul? He's been sacked. That's the end of his season. His contract will not be renewed. I can burn his jersey and pitch it off the top of a building lol. He's Done.

So there you have it gentlemen! That is how the birth of the BoyFriend Whisperer came to be. A legend to be told far and wide until the end of  time. What does the future hold for our  dear BFW? ... says the Old British Narrator lol <--- I love this guy! lol


Until next time folks... :)