Ahhh first date! Excitement, fun, curiosity, our minds wander all over the place! What will tonight be about and how will it end? You're really hoping things go well. So you pick up the lady, head out on your date but as the night goes on the date doesn't go well. Later you take her home and you're wondering WTF happened and then you never hear from her again?? Has this ever happened to you? Lol well if it has, you've probably committed some dating infraction that you weren't aware of.
Mini Story: One of my worst dates was a really nice guy that was super
smart, spoke 5 languages, helped kids in Africa .. I mean we're talking on
the verge of Sainthood here! lol. I met him online but when I met him in
person he was still super smart and sweet but about 50-60 lbs heavier
than he said he was and looked like a mess. Just from the oily, greasy, disheveled look his hair had it was in bad need of a wash and cut. His
beard was what looked to be an untrimmed bird's nest made of facial hair
that had pieces of food in it. I swear I was expecting a squirrel to pop
up any minute now! He had a food stain on his shirt. His nails had dirt
underneath them.Coffee stain on the khaki's and old man loafer's for
shoes. So you're probably thinking I took off on him right?? Wrong! I didn't, I
stuck it out and went for a coffee with him but I did tell him he
wasn't my type. He is a classic example for this article because he
must've been wondering WTF because he doesn't realize his lack of
hygiene was a real turn off! To many dating infractions committed and that was his first and last date with me.
I therefore title this blog: First Date Do's and Don'ts
So Let's start with the DO's :
1. Show up on time!! If you're running late don't just show up, call or text. This shows responsibility and awareness of other peoples time. Some people are real sticklers for time and lateness makes them feel like you don't appreciate their time as being just as important as yours.
2. Compliment her! Women go through extraordinary measures to prepare
for a date! lol They do their hair, make up, sometimes buy a whole new
outfit, shoes etc.. When you don't notice that puts a damper on things.
Every woman wants to feel beautiful. That's why she goes through all
that madness! She wants to look good for herself but she also wants YOU to think she looks beautiful. And don't be
creepy about it! Saying you love her feet instead of her shoes.... Eww! big
no no. Saying her ass looks PHAT in those jeans big no no. Saying you
like her top as you eye rape her cleavage... big no no. lol. Keep it
simple. "Wow, you look really beautiful!" Or "You look stunning ". Keep
the compliment about the whole package if possible instead of zeroing in
on a particular feature or body part. Lowers the creep factor increases the gentleman factor ;) .
3. Show some sense of chivalry! This doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call but women are often impressed in this day and age if you remember to open her car door, open the door to a restaurant, pull out her seat, pay the bill, walk her to her door etc. I'm not saying you have to do all of them but the more you do the more she pays attention. It's the gentleman's way!
4. Wear clean clothes and be hygenic! I can't believe I have to say that but I do. I have been on a few dates where guys show up with stains on their clothes, dirty shoes, unwashed hair, beards that look like they contain nests etc. Dress appropriately. Make sure everything is clean, pressed or at the very least not wrinkled ( looking like you crawled out of a laundry basket isn't cool either lol). Whatever your style is have some pride in your appearance and look good whether it's a good date or not at least you look hot ;) . Trust me, she sees every little thing.
5. Pay the bill guys! Again, I can't believe I have to say that but I do. So you're thinking, why do I always have to put up for the bill right? Simple this is just part of being a man from a woman's perspective. It shows her you have some decent upbringing when it comes to treating a woman like a lady and that you're not cheap. Here's the thing. Women like me, have careers, pay rent/mortgage/bills etc on our own so if we're going to have a man in our life is that a need or a want? That's a want. She doesn't need you to pay the bill she can pay it herself but when you pay it shows you're displaying old school gentleman qualities and a lot of women really like that. I've been out on dates where the guy will order all this stuff to eat then ask me to pay half the bill! I'm a small eater. Kid's meals fill me up so when a guy does that I never say a word. I always come with money, I pay half then I find my own way home and he never hears from me again. Ever. Erase delete, he's done. Cheapness is inexcusable to a lot of women. Does that mean we'll never pay?? No... but definitely further down the line.
6. Have little to no expectations. At the end of the date, politely put your date in the car, walk her to her doorstep ( for fear of bad people hiding in the shadows! lol), give her a QUICK hug and or kiss and call it a night! I know, I know!!! But you wanna get laid!!! lol If she has any intentions of screwing you... she'll invite you in herself. Some women need time others need hrs. If you feel like just because you paid for dinner she owes you something ( think again!) she'll sense that and be prepared with an excuse in no time however if you give her a quick hug/kiss and leave, it tells her you're interested but you're not expecting her to give you sex for a meal which earns serious points in her book! At that point she may invite you in OR she may not because she's a good a girl and wants to wait to see if you're serious. Both ways leave her with a good impression providing the date went well.
7. Make sure she gets in safely. Always watch her walk through the front door. If she lives in an apartment make sure you see her get in the elevator and she calls or messages you when she's through the front door. A man that's concerned for a woman's safety? Big bonus points. Most guys sulk away and don't pay attention to this little detail. When a guy's concerned for our safety that sets off a primal instinct. "This guy wants to protect me, he cares about my safety." Most women like feeling protected and safe. It's one of those things men can provide which can make a big difference. I once had a woman say to me that if the guy drove off before she got through the door it was an extreme turn off. When I asked why she said it was because he didn't care to see her in safely. She took that as selfishness. Even if the date doesn't go well, be mature and still walk her to the door. At least you can end the night being a gentleman which is more than a lot of other men can say.
On to the DON'Ts... ( and guys, this is not meant to be insulting or offensive to anyone you. Just honest, straightforward and helpful because chances are if you know you've done any of these things then no one's taken the time to be honest and tell you. That's what I'm here for :) )
1. ...Curse or use of vulgar language. It's one of those unnecessary things that some men do on dates. It sounds ignorant, unintelligent and aggressive. It can become an instant turn off and signal possible excessive aggression to a woman. Try to keep the language clean and the conversation flowing.
2. ...Spend all your time talking about yourself. When you're on a date you have to remember it takes two people to be on the date so conversation should be a two way street in terms of learning about each other and not just her learning about you or vice versa. I have actually timed some guys as to how long they can spend talking about themselves without ever asking a question about me! It's unbelievable how long a guy can talk about himself without thinking twice about it! It's such a turn off. And sometimes when the man actually does ask a question about me, often he'll cut me off and redirect the conversation back to himself! He does that simply to say he tried to ask questions about her but if you ask him what he's learned about her, he can't say much of anything because he's spent the evening talking about how wonderful he is, what a great catch he is ( his mom, sisters and female friends ask him why he's still single all the time - Um seriously?!) and how successfully he is and what a nice ride he has blah blah blah.. I'm usually bored enough by this point to create an imaginary phone call or just plain tell him we're not right for each other. I drop my money on the table and I'm out.
3. ...Get to touchy feely. Gentlemen, no matter how long it's been since you've gotten laid, please don't manhandle your dates. Nothing says "Run" to us like a guy with sticky hands. Usually appropriate touching could be classified as a brief touch on the small of her back as a hostess leads you to your table, brief touches while laughing on the hand or arm. Inappropriate usually falls in the line of lingering touches anywhere unless encouraged or anywhere around the breasts/cleavage and anything below the waist and above knees. Best way to gauge this is by her reaction. If she stiffens or shows any signs of discomfort, your touch regardless of where it is, is making her uncomfortable.
4. ...Check other women out during the date. When you're on a date with a woman try to keep eye contact with her instead of checking out the other women around you. When you do it shows that you're paying attention to her, listening to her. When you're not it shows that you're not interested, that you'd rather be on a date or in bed with that woman than the one that's in front of you and even if that's the case it's just plain rude to show it. She might as well call you ugly, tell you about your bad teeth/breath or that she thinks you're lacking some equipment in front of your pants.. yet she doesn't because it's just plain rude lol! And don't think you guys have us fooled with the sly looks you think we can't see because trust me we've noticed we just aren't saying anything. This is how you create jealousy in a woman.. avoid avoid avoid!!!
5. ...Pick up phone calls or texts. Nothing says rude like you picking up calls and returning text messages throughout a date. Focus. This woman is here, everyone else can wait a couple of hours. The only person you should be calling is a babysitter or a child if you have one. And it's polite to give that warning early in the date. A reasonable woman respects and admires the fact that you want to check in and stay in contact with your child. An unreasonable one doesn't. If she shows any signs of being jealous or upset that you're calling your child - abort that date asap! That is an early warning sign that she doesn't want to share you and when you're a parent that's a non-negotiable rule.
6. ...Bring up the Ex. This is a conversation for later. IF it has to come up keep it brief don't dwell on it. Your date with this woman has nothing to do with the last one.Learn from your mistakes but don't hold future women accountable for what your ex did to you. If your ex cheated on you ( that sucks, I know what that's like) it doesn't mean that this woman will. Give her the benefit of the doubt along with a clean slate. There's nothing like being in the shadow of the ex. If you're not over her don't start dating to get over her because it doesn't work. You're just using that woman as a distraction which makes you no better than your ex. Tidy up life and your feelings for your ex BEFORE you start dating again.
7. ...Say you'll call when you have no intention of calling. Keep your word! If you say you're going to do something, DO IT. If you know that you have no intention of calling the woman back or seeing her again don't tell her that you will! Again this creates craziness in some women because you lead them to believe things are good, everything's ok and then you just drop them. It's confusing so what does the woman do?? She starts calling, texting, emailing looking like a psychopath when all she really wants is an answer. If you wait to long then finally give her an answer of course she'll be pissed and ready to tear your head off! Be honest. At the end of the night simply say " It was nice meeting you, have a good evening." Walk her to her door ;) Done. End of story. If she asks about calling or going out on another date simply and gently tell her you don't feel that there's a connection. Most women may not like it but they'll understand it and it allows them to move on from you without invoking the crazy in them! If you do plan on seeing her again and say you'll call/text/email tomorrow, DO IT! Not the day after but the day you said. Keeping your word shows maturity and builds trust. Sometimes you can't but be straightforward. Call ( not text or email) it's more personal this way and say " My meeting's running late at work, I won't be able to make dinner tonight, i'm sorry. Can I make it up to you tomorrow night?" or something to that effect based on your circumstance. This is still trustworthy and shows maturity, respect for her time and a genuine continued interest in her. Stuff happens and we can be understanding if you communicate and talk to us.
First dates are about first impressions and getting to know each other. Stirring interests, excitement, butterflies in your stomach, curiosity and new possibilities. This is the time to start new and fresh and to be open to a new person that may be able to add something to your life :). These Do's and Don'ts aren't etched in stone lol. They're simply a guide based on my own personal experience as well as similar common complaints I hear from other women. The difference is they just don't tell you whereas I, your BFWhisperer will ;) .
I hope this blog was helpful and as always I'm open to questions comments! On a side note, I've noticed I have a strong following in these countries so I'd like to say: Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, and Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands! Thanks for reading and I hope you've found my posts helpful and at the very least entertaining!
Stay tuned for my next post :)...
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Internet Dating and Profiling
Is it just me or do you find it hard to meet someone the good old fashioned way in today's world?! It seems that you can't go out and just meet people randomly, through friends or at a party/club and if you do it's often with the intention of hooking up... but what about men and women that actually want to date and don't have a lot of time for the bar scene or maybe you just don't enjoy it.. what do you do then when you have a busy career, a child or two ..or more, and you want someone to hang out with, talk to, laugh etc?
Welcome to ...INTERNET DATING!!!! lol
For those of you guys saying "whatever I don't need the internet to pick up women!" When you think about it, it's a logical step in the world of technology! We have 3D tv, iPhones, cars with cameras to help you reverse... so why not dating through the internet? Look at it as a virtual bar! Don't take it to seriously but it expands your options! There are tons of dating sites, some are paid some are free. Pick one or two and check them out. What kind of people are there? Do you see a few women that pique your interest? If so sign up! What have you got to lose? Keep it safe, screen the emails and voila! You've just moseyed into the virtual bar!
Here are some of my tips for internet dating:
1. Profiles.. Fill them out! This is the time to introduce yourself, talk about things you like/don't like, what you're looking for and to tell them a bit about your personality. Quite a few people start off their profiles with "I dunno what to say, it's so hard to talk about myself here".. really??? Because you have no problem talking about yourself in person! Just start typing as if you were talking! Also don't just say " hey I hate filling out these things but feel free to ask me anything you like." This is both a very lazy and negative statement. If people are already internet dating it's because time is of the essence. Why do you think they have time to sit down and ask you questions about yourself in which the answers should already be in your profile? And lets not forget it's you plus a million other guys saying the same thing! It doesn't have to be a book but keep it fun, unique, and looking like you genuinely want to meet someone. Women will reply to that more so than "I hate filling out these things."
2. Pictures. Extremely important! Most online profiles actually have the option to not receive emails from people without pics, it's that important. Upload 3-5 shots at the very minimum. At least one clear head shot where you're smiling and facing the camera not the side of your face. One upper body shot and one full length shot. Why? Because she wants to know what your face looks like! Do you have nice teeth, do you have nice eyes hence the head shot. Upper body is good because it gives a good idea from the waist up how you look from a short distance. Full length shot gives the idea of what you look like overall. Make sure that the head or upper body shot does not contain a shadow, is not blurry, and you're not wearing either a hat or sunglasses...why?? Because they block your face! Is she looking to date you or the hat that's covering half of your face?? lol Come on guys let's be real!! Let me guess.. some of you are saying but it's a style!! Ya well she can see that style in a full length shot or in person! Try to avoid goofy pics. Most of the time guys think these pics are funny and show their "fun side" but to a woman most of those pics translate as ridiculous or unattractive next thing you know she's clicked on the next profile. Don't worry guys you'll have plenty of time later to show her this side of you! Make sure the area is well lit and preferably get someone else to take the pic for you. Many women seem to not like self shot pics. Now I don't always agree with this one but I have seen many women complain about it( I don't know why!!) but I'm putting this out there for them. Please keep your shirt on! lol Literally. I've seen a lot of women complain about to many shirtless pics! Personally I'm of the belief that if you have a nice body rock it out! I never mind seeing a nice set of abs but hey some do so there you go lol. Last but not least.. Make sure the pic is recent. As in within the last 3 months. NO ONE likes the shocker when their date shows up and they're 100 lbs heavier and 10 years older than their pics!! :-o !!! Not cool! Whatever you are, BE HONEST about it.
3.Contact. So at some point you start reading profiles looking at pics and decide "hey this girl looks cute, I like what she has to say I'll send her a message." For God's sake men say something worth responding too!! Say more than one or two words rather than just saying Hi or how're you... there are 10 other guys that have already messaged her the same thing! She often won't bother replying. Be polite but brief. " Hi.. I came across your profile and you seem really_______ ( funny, sweet, interesting, intelligent etc) when you have a minute take a look at my profile and if you're interested in getting to know each other I'd love to hear back from you! Thanks_____ (insert your name). What does this say? It means you took the time to read about her not just look at her pics, it shows you have manners and can speak politely and respectfully ( women love gentlemen), and you commented on HER and not how she looks. 9 times out of ten men shoot themselves in the foot by commenting on her looks first. Does that mean never say she's pretty or attractive? No. Just don't make it the first thing. If women think you're just talking to them because you like her ass or their breasts you're dead in the water lol. They don't like being objectified. Most sane, intelligent attractive women want a man that sees what's between her ears and values it as much as he values her smokin body ;) get it? Now does this mean it will always work? Nope. But you're more likely to get a response than if you continue using one or two words. And PLEASE spell out your words!! These U R CUTE messages. I don't care how intelligent you are but it looks like you're dense when you send a message like this. How much time does it save you to leave out a couple of letters?? Take a minute and type the message using real words not fictitious lazy attempts at words.
4. Texting/Calling. If you have gotten to this step Congratulations! You've made a connection! Keep the texting brief but polite! Simply because so many messages lose their translation. How many times have you sent what you thought was a funny message only for the person to be upset, confused or mad? Right. Keep it simple. Calling is very important. Often you can hear things that turn you off or on just by listening to the person's voice, the way they speak, the sound, and their ability to hold a conversation. you'll be surprised how much you can learn by a voice and this will do one of two things. Either you'll feel more encouraged to meet the person or you'll be glad you didn't and saved yourself the time and money lol.
5. Meeting. Guys I have to say... I don't believe in coffee dates. Meeting the person for the first time is all about first impressions! As a woman I'm not going to get myself all dolled up to sit in front of a Starbuck's. it's an absolute waste of time. And I'm going to say it, and some of you won't like it but... it's just plain cheap!! Some of you are pissed now because cheap people don't like being called cheap ( unless you're a recovering addict of any kind--you get a free pass! :) ) but that's the truth of the matter. If you're really interested in a woman do something nice! That doesn't mean you have to break the bank either! Meet for a drink- yes an alcoholic beverage! IF you guys get along share an appetizer :). If she's a vegan or non-drinker source out a nice vegan cafe where you can get a nice pastry or dessert or something ( she'll love that because it shows you're listening to her, you're taking her into consideration, and you care to impress her) . Or a nice coffee place that's more than just a coffee place! For example, here in Toronto there's a great cafe in the downtown core called Snakes and Lattes where you can go get a coffee while playing any one of their over 1000 board games! It's fun, unique, very affordable and a great way to get to know someone :).
6. What to wear. Dress appropriately. How many dates have I been on where the guy just wasn't dressed properly?? Here's a check list:
Remember, when it comes to internet dating, your profile and your pics are your selling tools. So take the time to make it reflect who you are as best as possible. What you're aiming to do is get women interested enough in your profile to stay on your page and email you instead of clicking NEXT! When it's done, if you're still not sure ask a good female friend to review it and give you some HONEST, helpful advice.
Those are my tips for internet dating! I hope they help! Please feel free to ask questions, post comments etc. Good Luck and stay tuned for my next post! :)
Welcome to ...INTERNET DATING!!!! lol
For those of you guys saying "whatever I don't need the internet to pick up women!" When you think about it, it's a logical step in the world of technology! We have 3D tv, iPhones, cars with cameras to help you reverse... so why not dating through the internet? Look at it as a virtual bar! Don't take it to seriously but it expands your options! There are tons of dating sites, some are paid some are free. Pick one or two and check them out. What kind of people are there? Do you see a few women that pique your interest? If so sign up! What have you got to lose? Keep it safe, screen the emails and voila! You've just moseyed into the virtual bar!
Here are some of my tips for internet dating:
1. Profiles.. Fill them out! This is the time to introduce yourself, talk about things you like/don't like, what you're looking for and to tell them a bit about your personality. Quite a few people start off their profiles with "I dunno what to say, it's so hard to talk about myself here".. really??? Because you have no problem talking about yourself in person! Just start typing as if you were talking! Also don't just say " hey I hate filling out these things but feel free to ask me anything you like." This is both a very lazy and negative statement. If people are already internet dating it's because time is of the essence. Why do you think they have time to sit down and ask you questions about yourself in which the answers should already be in your profile? And lets not forget it's you plus a million other guys saying the same thing! It doesn't have to be a book but keep it fun, unique, and looking like you genuinely want to meet someone. Women will reply to that more so than "I hate filling out these things."
2. Pictures. Extremely important! Most online profiles actually have the option to not receive emails from people without pics, it's that important. Upload 3-5 shots at the very minimum. At least one clear head shot where you're smiling and facing the camera not the side of your face. One upper body shot and one full length shot. Why? Because she wants to know what your face looks like! Do you have nice teeth, do you have nice eyes hence the head shot. Upper body is good because it gives a good idea from the waist up how you look from a short distance. Full length shot gives the idea of what you look like overall. Make sure that the head or upper body shot does not contain a shadow, is not blurry, and you're not wearing either a hat or sunglasses...why?? Because they block your face! Is she looking to date you or the hat that's covering half of your face?? lol Come on guys let's be real!! Let me guess.. some of you are saying but it's a style!! Ya well she can see that style in a full length shot or in person! Try to avoid goofy pics. Most of the time guys think these pics are funny and show their "fun side" but to a woman most of those pics translate as ridiculous or unattractive next thing you know she's clicked on the next profile. Don't worry guys you'll have plenty of time later to show her this side of you! Make sure the area is well lit and preferably get someone else to take the pic for you. Many women seem to not like self shot pics. Now I don't always agree with this one but I have seen many women complain about it( I don't know why!!) but I'm putting this out there for them. Please keep your shirt on! lol Literally. I've seen a lot of women complain about to many shirtless pics! Personally I'm of the belief that if you have a nice body rock it out! I never mind seeing a nice set of abs but hey some do so there you go lol. Last but not least.. Make sure the pic is recent. As in within the last 3 months. NO ONE likes the shocker when their date shows up and they're 100 lbs heavier and 10 years older than their pics!! :-o !!! Not cool! Whatever you are, BE HONEST about it.
3.Contact. So at some point you start reading profiles looking at pics and decide "hey this girl looks cute, I like what she has to say I'll send her a message." For God's sake men say something worth responding too!! Say more than one or two words rather than just saying Hi or how're you... there are 10 other guys that have already messaged her the same thing! She often won't bother replying. Be polite but brief. " Hi.. I came across your profile and you seem really_______ ( funny, sweet, interesting, intelligent etc) when you have a minute take a look at my profile and if you're interested in getting to know each other I'd love to hear back from you! Thanks_____ (insert your name). What does this say? It means you took the time to read about her not just look at her pics, it shows you have manners and can speak politely and respectfully ( women love gentlemen), and you commented on HER and not how she looks. 9 times out of ten men shoot themselves in the foot by commenting on her looks first. Does that mean never say she's pretty or attractive? No. Just don't make it the first thing. If women think you're just talking to them because you like her ass or their breasts you're dead in the water lol. They don't like being objectified. Most sane, intelligent attractive women want a man that sees what's between her ears and values it as much as he values her smokin body ;) get it? Now does this mean it will always work? Nope. But you're more likely to get a response than if you continue using one or two words. And PLEASE spell out your words!! These U R CUTE messages. I don't care how intelligent you are but it looks like you're dense when you send a message like this. How much time does it save you to leave out a couple of letters?? Take a minute and type the message using real words not fictitious lazy attempts at words.
4. Texting/Calling. If you have gotten to this step Congratulations! You've made a connection! Keep the texting brief but polite! Simply because so many messages lose their translation. How many times have you sent what you thought was a funny message only for the person to be upset, confused or mad? Right. Keep it simple. Calling is very important. Often you can hear things that turn you off or on just by listening to the person's voice, the way they speak, the sound, and their ability to hold a conversation. you'll be surprised how much you can learn by a voice and this will do one of two things. Either you'll feel more encouraged to meet the person or you'll be glad you didn't and saved yourself the time and money lol.
5. Meeting. Guys I have to say... I don't believe in coffee dates. Meeting the person for the first time is all about first impressions! As a woman I'm not going to get myself all dolled up to sit in front of a Starbuck's. it's an absolute waste of time. And I'm going to say it, and some of you won't like it but... it's just plain cheap!! Some of you are pissed now because cheap people don't like being called cheap ( unless you're a recovering addict of any kind--you get a free pass! :) ) but that's the truth of the matter. If you're really interested in a woman do something nice! That doesn't mean you have to break the bank either! Meet for a drink- yes an alcoholic beverage! IF you guys get along share an appetizer :). If she's a vegan or non-drinker source out a nice vegan cafe where you can get a nice pastry or dessert or something ( she'll love that because it shows you're listening to her, you're taking her into consideration, and you care to impress her) . Or a nice coffee place that's more than just a coffee place! For example, here in Toronto there's a great cafe in the downtown core called Snakes and Lattes where you can go get a coffee while playing any one of their over 1000 board games! It's fun, unique, very affordable and a great way to get to know someone :).
6. What to wear. Dress appropriately. How many dates have I been on where the guy just wasn't dressed properly?? Here's a check list:
- Shirt/pants ironed? - no one likes when a man looks like he's crawled out of a laundry basket lol
- Teeth brushed? No one likes bad breath. Make sure to brush your teeth just BEFORE you go on your date.
- Stain free? Please make sure all your clothing is clean and free of stains.
- Hygiene? Shower, shave, deodorant, clean under the nails, ears, shampoo hair, toe nails trimmed and clean looking if you're wearing sandles and don't think she won't notice! I know what you're saying... Are you serious?? Deadly. A lot of men forget to do one or more of these things believe it or not lol.
- Breath Mints or gum? Always have some on you just in case you eat or drink something that alters your breath. If your breath smells bad at all you can KISS your good night kiss goodbye.. cheesy pun intended :p lol
- If you have a beard make sure it's properly trimmed or well maintained.. if you're not sure ask another woman that's not your mother, sister or family.
- Same goes for your hairstyle whatever it may be keep it clean looking.
Remember, when it comes to internet dating, your profile and your pics are your selling tools. So take the time to make it reflect who you are as best as possible. What you're aiming to do is get women interested enough in your profile to stay on your page and email you instead of clicking NEXT! When it's done, if you're still not sure ask a good female friend to review it and give you some HONEST, helpful advice.
Those are my tips for internet dating! I hope they help! Please feel free to ask questions, post comments etc. Good Luck and stay tuned for my next post! :)
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Origins of the BFWhisperer
Sex. Dating. Relationships. One Night Stands... Guys you really need
some help with all of it! This blog is born not out of anger, bitterness
or hatred for the male sex but just pure unadulterated frustration! I
want to create this blog to help me get it out but also through my
stories I hope to offer you a perspective you never thought of or
realized and to give a you a good laugh in the hopes that you learn
something that helps you to understand the women in your life and how
your actions affect them but also I hope my stories, advice or
recommendations make your life with women a little easier :) .
MY DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert when it comes to anything I speak about in this blog. Everything is based on my experience and perspective. I can not and will not be responsible for the fall out of anything you chose to do based on this blog but I can say I will always be honest, straightforward and will act with the best of intentions. The only thing that will not be true in this blog are names, locations or identities and pics should I chose to include them later. Most likely it will be a pic reflective of the topic but not from any actual person in my stories or blog.
So... what prompted this blog? A guy who was supposed to have sex with me and stood me up. We therefore title this first blog...
COURTESY
Let me give you some background information about myself. I am 35, attractive, 5' 2, 118 lbs, slim petite, single black female (sbf) and I'm in the gym 3-5 /wk. I work a lot and it's not your typical 9-5 job.I've never smoked a day in my life and I don't do drugs, never even tried one that wasn't an over the counter including weed. Hello and welcome to the rare Black Personis Non-Weedis. A truly rare and remarkable species.. says the old British Narrator lol. I try to date but it's hard to find the right kind of guy in my age category that hasn't let himself go ( this is a whole other blog). In the meantime I was looking for a fwb and found one in a 28 yrs old student in a Ph.D program. I find intelligent men incredibly hot! lol.. And he's in the Army Reserves.. more hotness lol. Anyway we've had sex here and there over a couple of years but never anything consistent. We've always stayed in contact. Well this year I had sex with him earlier in the year but since then I have had a world of health problems.
In December I pulled a muscle in my chest while sneezing! I mean seriously??! who does that??! ME! So I decided to stop working out so that I wouldn't re-injure or further injure the muscle. After a month it hadn't gone away and was in fact getting worse. I had also found out in October that my PAP test came back as abnormal and although my doctor assured me that that was normal and happened to a lot of women I was sure it was serious. She said I had 2 options: 1. retake the test in 6 months or 2. see a Gynecologist and get biopsied. Getting the biopsy done would get definitive results and I wanted to waste no time so I chose option number 2. So in January I went in to get the muscle looked at and I had the Gynecologist appointment later in the month. Guess what happened??? I found out that my blood pressure (bp) was consistently to high for my age so I'm sent for a slew of tests. Ultrasound, ECG, and blood work. Turns out I need to see a Cardiologist! I go to the Gynecologist and the results from the Biopsy say I have Pre-Cancerous cells so I'm scheduled to have a minor surgery done to remove the cells from my cervix... oh and did I mention the doctor was good enough to give me these results just before I went on vacation for 2 weeks??? OH YA! Good times!!! So.. Recap. I'm 35, take pretty good care of myself, I have high bp, and pre-cancerous cells in my vag jay jay!!! The Cardiologist makes me take home a portable bp monitor where I take my bp every day for 6 weeks AND I get the pre-cancerous cells removed in April (there's nothing fun about being shot up with adrenaline deep deep DEEP in your vag jay jay while you smell the doctor burning off your flesh to remove the pre-cancerous cells!! Oh yum :-s ) where I spend the next 4 weeks bleeding profusely. I was exhausted, tired and feeling generally crappy and unattractive. And because I was not allowed to work out with all these things going on I gained 12 lbs and got flabby. I hated it. I felt so very unattractive. Now honestly, I didn't get fat. It was just that I was used to my body being firm, tight and toned so losing it and becoming the way I looked, my self esteem tanked. Anyway moving along swiftly.. At the end of May I was cleared to go back to the gym! Yay!!!! I started in June and it has been a process. It's so easy for the body to go from firm to flabby but in our 30's it's so hard to get it back! 6 weeks in and I'm just starting to see signs of my old body coming back. I've lost 6 lbs and things are slowly on the rise for me physically... which brings us to this evening. Why did my health history matter?? It's been 6 months since I've entertained the idea of having sex. 6 MONTHS!!! I am a sexual being!! I need to get laid! I enjoy sex! Both giving and receiving. I'm not shy! My self esteem started to come back and so did my libido! Gung Ho!! lol So I called upon this guy to help me get mah groove back! Let's call him..Paul. Paul is REALLY good at Fucking. He sucks at foreplay and oral but he's got a great package and knows how to use it! We've had sex before, we've had issues before but I thought for sure he'd come through this time. I even messaged him last night and asked if he was coming and he said "ya why?" And I said " Just checking, wasn't sure if you were still coming." Didn't hear back from him but didn't think anything of it either.
I run home after work today, I tidy up, I shower, scrub, shave, brush my teeth, moisturize my body so that everything is smooth and sleek like silk! I like being touched and when the skin is soft and silky men enjoy touching more and here at BFwhisperer headquarters, I aim to please ;) lol. I get dressed and ready, he should be here any minute.... except he isn't. I wait 5, 10, 20, 30 mins... I realize.. he's not coming. I text him no reply. I call him, the phone's off. I am royally pissed! After 6 months of no sex I really wanted to let loose some of this built up tension. In short, I need to get fucked. Not to mention.. first time with this new vag jay jay! I wanted to know if it would change things! Would I feel more? less? Could I still have sex the way I had before? I've read so many other women's comments on other sites post surgery and there are so many different views on what happens afterward that I wanted to experience it for myself. Finally know... All he had to do was call or text. At least respect the fact that I'm at home waiting for him to rock my world! I get that life is busy but guys, life is NEVER so busy that you don't have 2 mins to send a message and say " Hi, sorry I can't make it tonight... any chance I can make it up to you tomorrow?" or whenever is best to reschedule. It all just comes down to common courtesy. Even better yet is having the courtesy to be man enough to pick up the phone in this day and age of text and email to personally deliver a heartfelt apology for the cancellation with the offer to make it up. Most sane women will be perfectly understanding about that given the reason is a good one. The crazy ones will bite your head off no matter what the reason lol. I can't help with that part, crazy is crazy! lol
The Moral of the story is: Show the woman a little respect and courtesy and you're bound to save yourself the emotional break downs, cursing, silent treatment etc. and possibly ensure that you continue to get laid lol. No matter what type of relationship you have with a woman from (no strings attached) NSA to Marriage, a little respect and courtesy go a long way.
As for Paul? He's been sacked. That's the end of his season. His contract will not be renewed. I can burn his jersey and pitch it off the top of a building lol. He's Done.
So there you have it gentlemen! That is how the birth of the BoyFriend Whisperer came to be. A legend to be told far and wide until the end of time. What does the future hold for our dear BFW? ... says the Old British Narrator lol <--- I love this guy! lol
Until next time folks... :)
MY DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert when it comes to anything I speak about in this blog. Everything is based on my experience and perspective. I can not and will not be responsible for the fall out of anything you chose to do based on this blog but I can say I will always be honest, straightforward and will act with the best of intentions. The only thing that will not be true in this blog are names, locations or identities and pics should I chose to include them later. Most likely it will be a pic reflective of the topic but not from any actual person in my stories or blog.
So... what prompted this blog? A guy who was supposed to have sex with me and stood me up. We therefore title this first blog...
COURTESY
Let me give you some background information about myself. I am 35, attractive, 5' 2, 118 lbs, slim petite, single black female (sbf) and I'm in the gym 3-5 /wk. I work a lot and it's not your typical 9-5 job.I've never smoked a day in my life and I don't do drugs, never even tried one that wasn't an over the counter including weed. Hello and welcome to the rare Black Personis Non-Weedis. A truly rare and remarkable species.. says the old British Narrator lol. I try to date but it's hard to find the right kind of guy in my age category that hasn't let himself go ( this is a whole other blog). In the meantime I was looking for a fwb and found one in a 28 yrs old student in a Ph.D program. I find intelligent men incredibly hot! lol.. And he's in the Army Reserves.. more hotness lol. Anyway we've had sex here and there over a couple of years but never anything consistent. We've always stayed in contact. Well this year I had sex with him earlier in the year but since then I have had a world of health problems.
In December I pulled a muscle in my chest while sneezing! I mean seriously??! who does that??! ME! So I decided to stop working out so that I wouldn't re-injure or further injure the muscle. After a month it hadn't gone away and was in fact getting worse. I had also found out in October that my PAP test came back as abnormal and although my doctor assured me that that was normal and happened to a lot of women I was sure it was serious. She said I had 2 options: 1. retake the test in 6 months or 2. see a Gynecologist and get biopsied. Getting the biopsy done would get definitive results and I wanted to waste no time so I chose option number 2. So in January I went in to get the muscle looked at and I had the Gynecologist appointment later in the month. Guess what happened??? I found out that my blood pressure (bp) was consistently to high for my age so I'm sent for a slew of tests. Ultrasound, ECG, and blood work. Turns out I need to see a Cardiologist! I go to the Gynecologist and the results from the Biopsy say I have Pre-Cancerous cells so I'm scheduled to have a minor surgery done to remove the cells from my cervix... oh and did I mention the doctor was good enough to give me these results just before I went on vacation for 2 weeks??? OH YA! Good times!!! So.. Recap. I'm 35, take pretty good care of myself, I have high bp, and pre-cancerous cells in my vag jay jay!!! The Cardiologist makes me take home a portable bp monitor where I take my bp every day for 6 weeks AND I get the pre-cancerous cells removed in April (there's nothing fun about being shot up with adrenaline deep deep DEEP in your vag jay jay while you smell the doctor burning off your flesh to remove the pre-cancerous cells!! Oh yum :-s ) where I spend the next 4 weeks bleeding profusely. I was exhausted, tired and feeling generally crappy and unattractive. And because I was not allowed to work out with all these things going on I gained 12 lbs and got flabby. I hated it. I felt so very unattractive. Now honestly, I didn't get fat. It was just that I was used to my body being firm, tight and toned so losing it and becoming the way I looked, my self esteem tanked. Anyway moving along swiftly.. At the end of May I was cleared to go back to the gym! Yay!!!! I started in June and it has been a process. It's so easy for the body to go from firm to flabby but in our 30's it's so hard to get it back! 6 weeks in and I'm just starting to see signs of my old body coming back. I've lost 6 lbs and things are slowly on the rise for me physically... which brings us to this evening. Why did my health history matter?? It's been 6 months since I've entertained the idea of having sex. 6 MONTHS!!! I am a sexual being!! I need to get laid! I enjoy sex! Both giving and receiving. I'm not shy! My self esteem started to come back and so did my libido! Gung Ho!! lol So I called upon this guy to help me get mah groove back! Let's call him..Paul. Paul is REALLY good at Fucking. He sucks at foreplay and oral but he's got a great package and knows how to use it! We've had sex before, we've had issues before but I thought for sure he'd come through this time. I even messaged him last night and asked if he was coming and he said "ya why?" And I said " Just checking, wasn't sure if you were still coming." Didn't hear back from him but didn't think anything of it either.
I run home after work today, I tidy up, I shower, scrub, shave, brush my teeth, moisturize my body so that everything is smooth and sleek like silk! I like being touched and when the skin is soft and silky men enjoy touching more and here at BFwhisperer headquarters, I aim to please ;) lol. I get dressed and ready, he should be here any minute.... except he isn't. I wait 5, 10, 20, 30 mins... I realize.. he's not coming. I text him no reply. I call him, the phone's off. I am royally pissed! After 6 months of no sex I really wanted to let loose some of this built up tension. In short, I need to get fucked. Not to mention.. first time with this new vag jay jay! I wanted to know if it would change things! Would I feel more? less? Could I still have sex the way I had before? I've read so many other women's comments on other sites post surgery and there are so many different views on what happens afterward that I wanted to experience it for myself. Finally know... All he had to do was call or text. At least respect the fact that I'm at home waiting for him to rock my world! I get that life is busy but guys, life is NEVER so busy that you don't have 2 mins to send a message and say " Hi, sorry I can't make it tonight... any chance I can make it up to you tomorrow?" or whenever is best to reschedule. It all just comes down to common courtesy. Even better yet is having the courtesy to be man enough to pick up the phone in this day and age of text and email to personally deliver a heartfelt apology for the cancellation with the offer to make it up. Most sane women will be perfectly understanding about that given the reason is a good one. The crazy ones will bite your head off no matter what the reason lol. I can't help with that part, crazy is crazy! lol
The Moral of the story is: Show the woman a little respect and courtesy and you're bound to save yourself the emotional break downs, cursing, silent treatment etc. and possibly ensure that you continue to get laid lol. No matter what type of relationship you have with a woman from (no strings attached) NSA to Marriage, a little respect and courtesy go a long way.
As for Paul? He's been sacked. That's the end of his season. His contract will not be renewed. I can burn his jersey and pitch it off the top of a building lol. He's Done.
So there you have it gentlemen! That is how the birth of the BoyFriend Whisperer came to be. A legend to be told far and wide until the end of time. What does the future hold for our dear BFW? ... says the Old British Narrator lol <--- I love this guy! lol
Until next time folks... :)
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