I was out on a date the other day and the guy said " Ask me anything you want and I'll be 100 % honest and tell you what you want to know." Hmmmm I'm generally curious so when a question comes to mind I usually just ask so I thought, "What could I possibly want to know about that I haven't asked?" and then the bell went off, BING! And my question was " Why do guys wanna cum on girls faces???" The look of sheer and utter shock on this guys face was absolutely priceless! He actually had to walk away to laugh out loud and cum back because the shock hit him so hard. When he was done he finally came back, tears welling up in his eyes and he said "I don't know! I've never done it but I've always wanted to but I'm not sure why! " As sexually experimental as I am, this is one thing I just can't seem to wrap my brain around trying. The funny thing is, a lot of men want to do this to women and a lot of women are absolutely repulsed by the idea. I set out to do some research and find out if I could convince myself to eventually take a cum shot to the face lol.
BUKKAKE: direct translation "act of splashing" from the verb Bukkakeru " to splash with a liquid rudely.
What I was curious about was where did this come from and why? I started looking online and found that there was a lot of specualtion about it's origins.
Apparently from about the 12th to 19th century of Feudal Japan, if a wife was accused of adultery, the punishment was that a group of guys came on her face. The idea being, if you're getting it from someone else then you're going to take it from everyone. The humiliation of it all often caused the woman to commit suicide. This starts to explain why so many women see it as a humiliating act! The act itself came out of punishment, humiliation, trying to put a woman in her place...imagine that fear passed on through generations and we land in today's world where bukkake videos often portray it much like that. When I watched my first ever bukkake video years ago I thought " Omg that poor girl! " All these guys standing around her, calling her names, degrading her, then cumming all over her especially her face, the ultimate sign of degradation! I mean it's her face they're covering in sperm! As if trying to hide her shameful face under a mask of sperm. Today's bukkake videos often have women that look like they enjoy it, want it, revel in it along with the humiliating ones... Not my cup of tea but to each their own! lol
Another speculation was that sometimes they would parade the naked wife through her parents village and the men would dishonour her by cumming all over her face and body. Other times she would would be led to the town center, tied to a post in a kneeling position and the men would cum on her. Sometimes paper screens were used to hide the men so that only the cheating wife would be visible. It was said that sometimes there was so much semen the woman drowned.... Sperm drowning?? Ugh! God that's a terrible way to go! Death by to many cum shots! :-o lol
And last but not least.. sometimes the wife was buried up to her neck in dirt where the guys would gather around for a circle jerk and after cumming all over her face the husband would not only be the last one to cum on her face but sometimes he'd chop off her head. Jesus freaking Christ! What if the first chop doesn't work? Does it look like that dude trying to hit his golf ball out of a sand dune?? Whack! Whack! Whack! Man yet another terrible way to go!
Although the punishment was intended for cheating wives, it was noted that some men were forced to undergo the same punishment. Lmao... How many of YOU would let a dude shoot his load on your face??? Ya exactly! Most of you are saying " No fucking way." So guess what? Maybe when you ask some chick to do it, think about why the idea repulses you first and maybe try to understand why she has the same look on her face when you mention it lol.
Why did it get so popular over the years? Back in the day, porn was about threesomes, bj's, anal was just coming about as well and dp ( double penetration). Dudes were trying to get their women to try these things, threesomes, anal etc.. and then their focus shifted because porn shifted. Once again going back to Japan, in the mid to late 80's there was a mandatory censorship of all male and female genitalia, they had to be blurred out. That posed a problem, how could you still create porn without seeing any of the good stuff and stay within the letter of the law? They had to find another way and since cum was not censored and the focus was often the woman's face and body .. Eureka! They had found a loop hole and Bukkake videos were born. The popularity of this shifted into North America around late 90's and men's dirty little requests of us shifted as well. You guys wanted dirtier, sluttier acts.. just like porn.
So, I was curious, and at first started to ask male friends this question BUT then I thought let me put this out there on a bigger scale. I put up a post on good ol' Craigslist lol. I wanted to get some variety so I posted in Toronto, NYC and Moscow. I have the biggest following from the countries of these cities so I thought, why not?
I got some of the answers that I expected like, dominance, a feeling of control or power, humiliation, porn (monkey see monkey do kinda thing), it's taboo. Then there were some really good answers. Ones where guys put real thought into it but it made sense! Some guys said it was about the act of submitting. The fact that she was willing and with some begging for the guy to cum all over her face. The turn on being 100% submission. I believe it to be a confident submission. This kind of woman doesn't see it as a humiliating act. It's a turn on for her and that turns the guy on.
Porn is interesting because like I said earlier, monkey see monkey do. It's not the sole reason but I do believe the porn industry has a great
power over shaping a man's desire, curiousities and fantasies so this
reasoning also makes sense. When you guys see things in porn that you've never done before, in some it seems to create this urge to get out and find a woman to do this taboo, naughty thing with ... like a woman after this season's Prada bag, she just has to have it! Lol
Dominance, control, power, humiliation, submission, degradation all tie in together. This is a complex relationship. The Dom gets a feeling of power and control over this woman as she submits to him. He gets her to do what ever he wants. Many find this a turn off and often wonder "How could you do that to another human being?" Often he's the one that's crucified. In a healthy Dom/sub relationship there's always the secret underlying knowledge that the Dom is never the one in control, the sub is. Nothing goes further than the sub allows. Healthy Dom/sub relationships that include punishment, humiliation, degradation... only happen if the sub agrees or requests. There is always that level of respect so don't be so quick to judge the Dom/sub dynamic. They both get what the need and want out of the relationship. Him, power, control, satisfaction and even affection. Her, to leave her control at the door, to be the object of attention, push her limits, to explore this side of herself freely, and sometimes affection.The sub submits willingly. She chooses to give over herself to please him, make him happy... because in the end it makes her happy. To be submissive takes more strength than being a Dom.
Some said they thought it came from a more primal instinctual urge to mark territory. One guy put it really well when he said " We have the face of a woman that we are attracted to or are intimate with and we wish to mark it as our territory with cum, placing it where no one else may have done or would normally do and knowing that she carries our seed in a place where many will look but no one will know." I think the answer was well put! We're sneaky little creatures lol. And that IS quite taboo! The idea that this woman walks into her job everyday, sees friends, family, kids and only a few hours ago had a face full of cum. Hehehe. Like a woman walking around with Ben Wa balls.. how many women are walking around getting that kind of pleasure every day and we don't know about it? It's her dirty little secret! SHhhhh! lol
Some said it was a visual thing. Most men seemed to want to do it MORE if the woman was attractive lol. Many men mentioned that when the woman had a more attractive face, the urge to do it was stronger so I think this would also tie in with territory marking. I get the appeal. Hmmm by this logic I must be pretty fucking hot then!! I've had quite a few requests in the past lol. Woohoo! Wait a minute..So... if he doesn't ask, should I be insulted? Lmao that would be a great scene. Me in bed, just after sex, throwing the guys clothes at him, telling him to get out. The confusion as he tried to figure out WTF?! So he asks, " What happened??" And I yell at him as I push him half way out the door " You think I'm ugly! You didn't ask to cum on my face!"... Priceless lmao.
Interestingly enough, a few men said they either had no interest, didn't understand why other men wanted to or have never asked a woman to do it. Ya, I know some of you are saying Bullshit! Lol.. Maybe some really don't. It's not impossible to believe, we're not all hard wired the same. I do believe some won't admit it to themselves. They might think that by wanting to do this act it might mean they enjoy degrading women when really they love and respect women. It would seem like an oxymoron to this man. How can he degrade and respect her at the same time? By understanding that part of the turn on for her IS the humiliation and she trusts and respects you enough to tell you and want to explore it with you. By giving it to her, you humiliate her on her own terms but you respect her for exploring a taboo with you when others would hide it from you out of fear of being rejected.
That being said... How do you try to help a woman get over it or try to get her to try it. I'm not saying these tips or ideas will work for sure but they might help.
1. Feel out the topic. Guys, don't just straight up ask her if you can cum on her face Lmao.. so many of you are saying WHY NOT?? Because of our natural reaction to be repulsed by it and see it as a humiliating act, many women will automatically say no because they think you WANT to humiliate them. That may not be the case though. For a lot of men seeing their cum on a woman's body is a huge turn on for them. Like you've conquered something.. but you don't know why lol. So talk. Feel her out. If you always cum in a condom, try asking her if you can cum on her. Most women will let you do that. If she's good with that ask if you can try some new places. She'll say "Like what?" Don't just say the face lol. Throw it in with some other areas you actually want to try.. her ass, her breasts, her stomach, the small of her back.
2. Stroke the ego. Many women just want to feel like the most desired woman when she's with you. HELLO! Do any of you pay attention to RomCom (Romantic Comedies) ? Why do you think it's such a thriving industry? They want the guy that's going to be romantic, sacrifice for her ( in the movies it's a job or another woman, or telling off the controlling mother in law lol). You have to make her feel like she's the only person that matters right there at that moment, even one nighters. By doing this, you create security and get rid of some insecurity. If she thinks you're going to think she's a whore ( and I mean a real whore not dirty talk whore) for letting you cum on her face chances are she's going to take a pass.
3. Explain yourself. Before you have this conversation, think. Women like to know the why and many, not all will want to know why you want to cum on her face. Don't say "I don't know!" Lol.. For every guy that has said this I've never let him do it because if you don't know why why should I let you?? If you can't explain the turn on then it's just me with cum on my face literally for no reason lol. So have a good a reason.
4. Be the clean up crew. If you get the chance to do it, guys be a gentleman and go get a nice warm wash cloth to help her wipe it off. Heck, if you ask her to lie back while you gently remove it she's more inclined to do it again because it would be an act of kindness after an act of humiliation. Don't have her wandering around half blind trying to find the washroom but bumping into walls lol. And don't throw the wash cloth at her. That's more degrading! Like telling a dog to eat your shit... ugh!
All in all, If you can get her to believe that the act itself is a turn on and not that you want to treat her like shit, your chances will improve immensely. As for me, did any of this change my mind? Hmmm I can't say I'd do it for sure but I definitely have a better understanding. I think with the right partner one day I will but for now I think I'll keep my face virginity in tact! lol
As usual, thanks for reading and continuing to visit my blog :)
Hello to my new friends! Buon giorno in Italy, Guten Tag/Bonjour/and Buon giorno in Switerland, Hola in Venezuela and Puerto Rico!
Showing posts with label date. Show all posts
Showing posts with label date. Show all posts
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
First Date Do's and Don'ts
Ahhh first date! Excitement, fun, curiosity, our minds wander all over the place! What will tonight be about and how will it end? You're really hoping things go well. So you pick up the lady, head out on your date but as the night goes on the date doesn't go well. Later you take her home and you're wondering WTF happened and then you never hear from her again?? Has this ever happened to you? Lol well if it has, you've probably committed some dating infraction that you weren't aware of.
Mini Story: One of my worst dates was a really nice guy that was super smart, spoke 5 languages, helped kids in Africa .. I mean we're talking on the verge of Sainthood here! lol. I met him online but when I met him in person he was still super smart and sweet but about 50-60 lbs heavier than he said he was and looked like a mess. Just from the oily, greasy, disheveled look his hair had it was in bad need of a wash and cut. His beard was what looked to be an untrimmed bird's nest made of facial hair that had pieces of food in it. I swear I was expecting a squirrel to pop up any minute now! He had a food stain on his shirt. His nails had dirt underneath them.Coffee stain on the khaki's and old man loafer's for shoes. So you're probably thinking I took off on him right?? Wrong! I didn't, I stuck it out and went for a coffee with him but I did tell him he wasn't my type. He is a classic example for this article because he must've been wondering WTF because he doesn't realize his lack of hygiene was a real turn off! To many dating infractions committed and that was his first and last date with me.
I therefore title this blog: First Date Do's and Don'ts
So Let's start with the DO's :
1. Show up on time!! If you're running late don't just show up, call or text. This shows responsibility and awareness of other peoples time. Some people are real sticklers for time and lateness makes them feel like you don't appreciate their time as being just as important as yours.
2. Compliment her! Women go through extraordinary measures to prepare for a date! lol They do their hair, make up, sometimes buy a whole new outfit, shoes etc.. When you don't notice that puts a damper on things. Every woman wants to feel beautiful. That's why she goes through all that madness! She wants to look good for herself but she also wants YOU to think she looks beautiful. And don't be creepy about it! Saying you love her feet instead of her shoes.... Eww! big no no. Saying her ass looks PHAT in those jeans big no no. Saying you like her top as you eye rape her cleavage... big no no. lol. Keep it simple. "Wow, you look really beautiful!" Or "You look stunning ". Keep the compliment about the whole package if possible instead of zeroing in on a particular feature or body part. Lowers the creep factor increases the gentleman factor ;) .
3. Show some sense of chivalry! This doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call but women are often impressed in this day and age if you remember to open her car door, open the door to a restaurant, pull out her seat, pay the bill, walk her to her door etc. I'm not saying you have to do all of them but the more you do the more she pays attention. It's the gentleman's way!
4. Wear clean clothes and be hygenic! I can't believe I have to say that but I do. I have been on a few dates where guys show up with stains on their clothes, dirty shoes, unwashed hair, beards that look like they contain nests etc. Dress appropriately. Make sure everything is clean, pressed or at the very least not wrinkled ( looking like you crawled out of a laundry basket isn't cool either lol). Whatever your style is have some pride in your appearance and look good whether it's a good date or not at least you look hot ;) . Trust me, she sees every little thing.
5. Pay the bill guys! Again, I can't believe I have to say that but I do. So you're thinking, why do I always have to put up for the bill right? Simple this is just part of being a man from a woman's perspective. It shows her you have some decent upbringing when it comes to treating a woman like a lady and that you're not cheap. Here's the thing. Women like me, have careers, pay rent/mortgage/bills etc on our own so if we're going to have a man in our life is that a need or a want? That's a want. She doesn't need you to pay the bill she can pay it herself but when you pay it shows you're displaying old school gentleman qualities and a lot of women really like that. I've been out on dates where the guy will order all this stuff to eat then ask me to pay half the bill! I'm a small eater. Kid's meals fill me up so when a guy does that I never say a word. I always come with money, I pay half then I find my own way home and he never hears from me again. Ever. Erase delete, he's done. Cheapness is inexcusable to a lot of women. Does that mean we'll never pay?? No... but definitely further down the line.
6. Have little to no expectations. At the end of the date, politely put your date in the car, walk her to her doorstep ( for fear of bad people hiding in the shadows! lol), give her a QUICK hug and or kiss and call it a night! I know, I know!!! But you wanna get laid!!! lol If she has any intentions of screwing you... she'll invite you in herself. Some women need time others need hrs. If you feel like just because you paid for dinner she owes you something ( think again!) she'll sense that and be prepared with an excuse in no time however if you give her a quick hug/kiss and leave, it tells her you're interested but you're not expecting her to give you sex for a meal which earns serious points in her book! At that point she may invite you in OR she may not because she's a good a girl and wants to wait to see if you're serious. Both ways leave her with a good impression providing the date went well.
7. Make sure she gets in safely. Always watch her walk through the front door. If she lives in an apartment make sure you see her get in the elevator and she calls or messages you when she's through the front door. A man that's concerned for a woman's safety? Big bonus points. Most guys sulk away and don't pay attention to this little detail. When a guy's concerned for our safety that sets off a primal instinct. "This guy wants to protect me, he cares about my safety." Most women like feeling protected and safe. It's one of those things men can provide which can make a big difference. I once had a woman say to me that if the guy drove off before she got through the door it was an extreme turn off. When I asked why she said it was because he didn't care to see her in safely. She took that as selfishness. Even if the date doesn't go well, be mature and still walk her to the door. At least you can end the night being a gentleman which is more than a lot of other men can say.
On to the DON'Ts... ( and guys, this is not meant to be insulting or offensive to anyone you. Just honest, straightforward and helpful because chances are if you know you've done any of these things then no one's taken the time to be honest and tell you. That's what I'm here for :) )
1. ...Curse or use of vulgar language. It's one of those unnecessary things that some men do on dates. It sounds ignorant, unintelligent and aggressive. It can become an instant turn off and signal possible excessive aggression to a woman. Try to keep the language clean and the conversation flowing.
2. ...Spend all your time talking about yourself. When you're on a date you have to remember it takes two people to be on the date so conversation should be a two way street in terms of learning about each other and not just her learning about you or vice versa. I have actually timed some guys as to how long they can spend talking about themselves without ever asking a question about me! It's unbelievable how long a guy can talk about himself without thinking twice about it! It's such a turn off. And sometimes when the man actually does ask a question about me, often he'll cut me off and redirect the conversation back to himself! He does that simply to say he tried to ask questions about her but if you ask him what he's learned about her, he can't say much of anything because he's spent the evening talking about how wonderful he is, what a great catch he is ( his mom, sisters and female friends ask him why he's still single all the time - Um seriously?!) and how successfully he is and what a nice ride he has blah blah blah.. I'm usually bored enough by this point to create an imaginary phone call or just plain tell him we're not right for each other. I drop my money on the table and I'm out.
3. ...Get to touchy feely. Gentlemen, no matter how long it's been since you've gotten laid, please don't manhandle your dates. Nothing says "Run" to us like a guy with sticky hands. Usually appropriate touching could be classified as a brief touch on the small of her back as a hostess leads you to your table, brief touches while laughing on the hand or arm. Inappropriate usually falls in the line of lingering touches anywhere unless encouraged or anywhere around the breasts/cleavage and anything below the waist and above knees. Best way to gauge this is by her reaction. If she stiffens or shows any signs of discomfort, your touch regardless of where it is, is making her uncomfortable.
4. ...Check other women out during the date. When you're on a date with a woman try to keep eye contact with her instead of checking out the other women around you. When you do it shows that you're paying attention to her, listening to her. When you're not it shows that you're not interested, that you'd rather be on a date or in bed with that woman than the one that's in front of you and even if that's the case it's just plain rude to show it. She might as well call you ugly, tell you about your bad teeth/breath or that she thinks you're lacking some equipment in front of your pants.. yet she doesn't because it's just plain rude lol! And don't think you guys have us fooled with the sly looks you think we can't see because trust me we've noticed we just aren't saying anything. This is how you create jealousy in a woman.. avoid avoid avoid!!!
5. ...Pick up phone calls or texts. Nothing says rude like you picking up calls and returning text messages throughout a date. Focus. This woman is here, everyone else can wait a couple of hours. The only person you should be calling is a babysitter or a child if you have one. And it's polite to give that warning early in the date. A reasonable woman respects and admires the fact that you want to check in and stay in contact with your child. An unreasonable one doesn't. If she shows any signs of being jealous or upset that you're calling your child - abort that date asap! That is an early warning sign that she doesn't want to share you and when you're a parent that's a non-negotiable rule.
6. ...Bring up the Ex. This is a conversation for later. IF it has to come up keep it brief don't dwell on it. Your date with this woman has nothing to do with the last one.Learn from your mistakes but don't hold future women accountable for what your ex did to you. If your ex cheated on you ( that sucks, I know what that's like) it doesn't mean that this woman will. Give her the benefit of the doubt along with a clean slate. There's nothing like being in the shadow of the ex. If you're not over her don't start dating to get over her because it doesn't work. You're just using that woman as a distraction which makes you no better than your ex. Tidy up life and your feelings for your ex BEFORE you start dating again.
7. ...Say you'll call when you have no intention of calling. Keep your word! If you say you're going to do something, DO IT. If you know that you have no intention of calling the woman back or seeing her again don't tell her that you will! Again this creates craziness in some women because you lead them to believe things are good, everything's ok and then you just drop them. It's confusing so what does the woman do?? She starts calling, texting, emailing looking like a psychopath when all she really wants is an answer. If you wait to long then finally give her an answer of course she'll be pissed and ready to tear your head off! Be honest. At the end of the night simply say " It was nice meeting you, have a good evening." Walk her to her door ;) Done. End of story. If she asks about calling or going out on another date simply and gently tell her you don't feel that there's a connection. Most women may not like it but they'll understand it and it allows them to move on from you without invoking the crazy in them! If you do plan on seeing her again and say you'll call/text/email tomorrow, DO IT! Not the day after but the day you said. Keeping your word shows maturity and builds trust. Sometimes you can't but be straightforward. Call ( not text or email) it's more personal this way and say " My meeting's running late at work, I won't be able to make dinner tonight, i'm sorry. Can I make it up to you tomorrow night?" or something to that effect based on your circumstance. This is still trustworthy and shows maturity, respect for her time and a genuine continued interest in her. Stuff happens and we can be understanding if you communicate and talk to us.
First dates are about first impressions and getting to know each other. Stirring interests, excitement, butterflies in your stomach, curiosity and new possibilities. This is the time to start new and fresh and to be open to a new person that may be able to add something to your life :). These Do's and Don'ts aren't etched in stone lol. They're simply a guide based on my own personal experience as well as similar common complaints I hear from other women. The difference is they just don't tell you whereas I, your BFWhisperer will ;) .
I hope this blog was helpful and as always I'm open to questions comments! On a side note, I've noticed I have a strong following in these countries so I'd like to say: Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, and Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands! Thanks for reading and I hope you've found my posts helpful and at the very least entertaining!
Stay tuned for my next post :)...
Mini Story: One of my worst dates was a really nice guy that was super smart, spoke 5 languages, helped kids in Africa .. I mean we're talking on the verge of Sainthood here! lol. I met him online but when I met him in person he was still super smart and sweet but about 50-60 lbs heavier than he said he was and looked like a mess. Just from the oily, greasy, disheveled look his hair had it was in bad need of a wash and cut. His beard was what looked to be an untrimmed bird's nest made of facial hair that had pieces of food in it. I swear I was expecting a squirrel to pop up any minute now! He had a food stain on his shirt. His nails had dirt underneath them.Coffee stain on the khaki's and old man loafer's for shoes. So you're probably thinking I took off on him right?? Wrong! I didn't, I stuck it out and went for a coffee with him but I did tell him he wasn't my type. He is a classic example for this article because he must've been wondering WTF because he doesn't realize his lack of hygiene was a real turn off! To many dating infractions committed and that was his first and last date with me.
I therefore title this blog: First Date Do's and Don'ts
So Let's start with the DO's :
1. Show up on time!! If you're running late don't just show up, call or text. This shows responsibility and awareness of other peoples time. Some people are real sticklers for time and lateness makes them feel like you don't appreciate their time as being just as important as yours.
2. Compliment her! Women go through extraordinary measures to prepare for a date! lol They do their hair, make up, sometimes buy a whole new outfit, shoes etc.. When you don't notice that puts a damper on things. Every woman wants to feel beautiful. That's why she goes through all that madness! She wants to look good for herself but she also wants YOU to think she looks beautiful. And don't be creepy about it! Saying you love her feet instead of her shoes.... Eww! big no no. Saying her ass looks PHAT in those jeans big no no. Saying you like her top as you eye rape her cleavage... big no no. lol. Keep it simple. "Wow, you look really beautiful!" Or "You look stunning ". Keep the compliment about the whole package if possible instead of zeroing in on a particular feature or body part. Lowers the creep factor increases the gentleman factor ;) .
3. Show some sense of chivalry! This doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call but women are often impressed in this day and age if you remember to open her car door, open the door to a restaurant, pull out her seat, pay the bill, walk her to her door etc. I'm not saying you have to do all of them but the more you do the more she pays attention. It's the gentleman's way!
4. Wear clean clothes and be hygenic! I can't believe I have to say that but I do. I have been on a few dates where guys show up with stains on their clothes, dirty shoes, unwashed hair, beards that look like they contain nests etc. Dress appropriately. Make sure everything is clean, pressed or at the very least not wrinkled ( looking like you crawled out of a laundry basket isn't cool either lol). Whatever your style is have some pride in your appearance and look good whether it's a good date or not at least you look hot ;) . Trust me, she sees every little thing.
5. Pay the bill guys! Again, I can't believe I have to say that but I do. So you're thinking, why do I always have to put up for the bill right? Simple this is just part of being a man from a woman's perspective. It shows her you have some decent upbringing when it comes to treating a woman like a lady and that you're not cheap. Here's the thing. Women like me, have careers, pay rent/mortgage/bills etc on our own so if we're going to have a man in our life is that a need or a want? That's a want. She doesn't need you to pay the bill she can pay it herself but when you pay it shows you're displaying old school gentleman qualities and a lot of women really like that. I've been out on dates where the guy will order all this stuff to eat then ask me to pay half the bill! I'm a small eater. Kid's meals fill me up so when a guy does that I never say a word. I always come with money, I pay half then I find my own way home and he never hears from me again. Ever. Erase delete, he's done. Cheapness is inexcusable to a lot of women. Does that mean we'll never pay?? No... but definitely further down the line.
6. Have little to no expectations. At the end of the date, politely put your date in the car, walk her to her doorstep ( for fear of bad people hiding in the shadows! lol), give her a QUICK hug and or kiss and call it a night! I know, I know!!! But you wanna get laid!!! lol If she has any intentions of screwing you... she'll invite you in herself. Some women need time others need hrs. If you feel like just because you paid for dinner she owes you something ( think again!) she'll sense that and be prepared with an excuse in no time however if you give her a quick hug/kiss and leave, it tells her you're interested but you're not expecting her to give you sex for a meal which earns serious points in her book! At that point she may invite you in OR she may not because she's a good a girl and wants to wait to see if you're serious. Both ways leave her with a good impression providing the date went well.
7. Make sure she gets in safely. Always watch her walk through the front door. If she lives in an apartment make sure you see her get in the elevator and she calls or messages you when she's through the front door. A man that's concerned for a woman's safety? Big bonus points. Most guys sulk away and don't pay attention to this little detail. When a guy's concerned for our safety that sets off a primal instinct. "This guy wants to protect me, he cares about my safety." Most women like feeling protected and safe. It's one of those things men can provide which can make a big difference. I once had a woman say to me that if the guy drove off before she got through the door it was an extreme turn off. When I asked why she said it was because he didn't care to see her in safely. She took that as selfishness. Even if the date doesn't go well, be mature and still walk her to the door. At least you can end the night being a gentleman which is more than a lot of other men can say.
On to the DON'Ts... ( and guys, this is not meant to be insulting or offensive to anyone you. Just honest, straightforward and helpful because chances are if you know you've done any of these things then no one's taken the time to be honest and tell you. That's what I'm here for :) )
1. ...Curse or use of vulgar language. It's one of those unnecessary things that some men do on dates. It sounds ignorant, unintelligent and aggressive. It can become an instant turn off and signal possible excessive aggression to a woman. Try to keep the language clean and the conversation flowing.
2. ...Spend all your time talking about yourself. When you're on a date you have to remember it takes two people to be on the date so conversation should be a two way street in terms of learning about each other and not just her learning about you or vice versa. I have actually timed some guys as to how long they can spend talking about themselves without ever asking a question about me! It's unbelievable how long a guy can talk about himself without thinking twice about it! It's such a turn off. And sometimes when the man actually does ask a question about me, often he'll cut me off and redirect the conversation back to himself! He does that simply to say he tried to ask questions about her but if you ask him what he's learned about her, he can't say much of anything because he's spent the evening talking about how wonderful he is, what a great catch he is ( his mom, sisters and female friends ask him why he's still single all the time - Um seriously?!) and how successfully he is and what a nice ride he has blah blah blah.. I'm usually bored enough by this point to create an imaginary phone call or just plain tell him we're not right for each other. I drop my money on the table and I'm out.
3. ...Get to touchy feely. Gentlemen, no matter how long it's been since you've gotten laid, please don't manhandle your dates. Nothing says "Run" to us like a guy with sticky hands. Usually appropriate touching could be classified as a brief touch on the small of her back as a hostess leads you to your table, brief touches while laughing on the hand or arm. Inappropriate usually falls in the line of lingering touches anywhere unless encouraged or anywhere around the breasts/cleavage and anything below the waist and above knees. Best way to gauge this is by her reaction. If she stiffens or shows any signs of discomfort, your touch regardless of where it is, is making her uncomfortable.
4. ...Check other women out during the date. When you're on a date with a woman try to keep eye contact with her instead of checking out the other women around you. When you do it shows that you're paying attention to her, listening to her. When you're not it shows that you're not interested, that you'd rather be on a date or in bed with that woman than the one that's in front of you and even if that's the case it's just plain rude to show it. She might as well call you ugly, tell you about your bad teeth/breath or that she thinks you're lacking some equipment in front of your pants.. yet she doesn't because it's just plain rude lol! And don't think you guys have us fooled with the sly looks you think we can't see because trust me we've noticed we just aren't saying anything. This is how you create jealousy in a woman.. avoid avoid avoid!!!
5. ...Pick up phone calls or texts. Nothing says rude like you picking up calls and returning text messages throughout a date. Focus. This woman is here, everyone else can wait a couple of hours. The only person you should be calling is a babysitter or a child if you have one. And it's polite to give that warning early in the date. A reasonable woman respects and admires the fact that you want to check in and stay in contact with your child. An unreasonable one doesn't. If she shows any signs of being jealous or upset that you're calling your child - abort that date asap! That is an early warning sign that she doesn't want to share you and when you're a parent that's a non-negotiable rule.
6. ...Bring up the Ex. This is a conversation for later. IF it has to come up keep it brief don't dwell on it. Your date with this woman has nothing to do with the last one.Learn from your mistakes but don't hold future women accountable for what your ex did to you. If your ex cheated on you ( that sucks, I know what that's like) it doesn't mean that this woman will. Give her the benefit of the doubt along with a clean slate. There's nothing like being in the shadow of the ex. If you're not over her don't start dating to get over her because it doesn't work. You're just using that woman as a distraction which makes you no better than your ex. Tidy up life and your feelings for your ex BEFORE you start dating again.
7. ...Say you'll call when you have no intention of calling. Keep your word! If you say you're going to do something, DO IT. If you know that you have no intention of calling the woman back or seeing her again don't tell her that you will! Again this creates craziness in some women because you lead them to believe things are good, everything's ok and then you just drop them. It's confusing so what does the woman do?? She starts calling, texting, emailing looking like a psychopath when all she really wants is an answer. If you wait to long then finally give her an answer of course she'll be pissed and ready to tear your head off! Be honest. At the end of the night simply say " It was nice meeting you, have a good evening." Walk her to her door ;) Done. End of story. If she asks about calling or going out on another date simply and gently tell her you don't feel that there's a connection. Most women may not like it but they'll understand it and it allows them to move on from you without invoking the crazy in them! If you do plan on seeing her again and say you'll call/text/email tomorrow, DO IT! Not the day after but the day you said. Keeping your word shows maturity and builds trust. Sometimes you can't but be straightforward. Call ( not text or email) it's more personal this way and say " My meeting's running late at work, I won't be able to make dinner tonight, i'm sorry. Can I make it up to you tomorrow night?" or something to that effect based on your circumstance. This is still trustworthy and shows maturity, respect for her time and a genuine continued interest in her. Stuff happens and we can be understanding if you communicate and talk to us.
First dates are about first impressions and getting to know each other. Stirring interests, excitement, butterflies in your stomach, curiosity and new possibilities. This is the time to start new and fresh and to be open to a new person that may be able to add something to your life :). These Do's and Don'ts aren't etched in stone lol. They're simply a guide based on my own personal experience as well as similar common complaints I hear from other women. The difference is they just don't tell you whereas I, your BFWhisperer will ;) .
I hope this blog was helpful and as always I'm open to questions comments! On a side note, I've noticed I have a strong following in these countries so I'd like to say: Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, and Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands! Thanks for reading and I hope you've found my posts helpful and at the very least entertaining!
Stay tuned for my next post :)...
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Internet Dating and Profiling
Is it just me or do you find it hard to meet someone the good old fashioned way in today's world?! It seems that you can't go out and just meet people randomly, through friends or at a party/club and if you do it's often with the intention of hooking up... but what about men and women that actually want to date and don't have a lot of time for the bar scene or maybe you just don't enjoy it.. what do you do then when you have a busy career, a child or two ..or more, and you want someone to hang out with, talk to, laugh etc?
Welcome to ...INTERNET DATING!!!! lol
For those of you guys saying "whatever I don't need the internet to pick up women!" When you think about it, it's a logical step in the world of technology! We have 3D tv, iPhones, cars with cameras to help you reverse... so why not dating through the internet? Look at it as a virtual bar! Don't take it to seriously but it expands your options! There are tons of dating sites, some are paid some are free. Pick one or two and check them out. What kind of people are there? Do you see a few women that pique your interest? If so sign up! What have you got to lose? Keep it safe, screen the emails and voila! You've just moseyed into the virtual bar!
Here are some of my tips for internet dating:
1. Profiles.. Fill them out! This is the time to introduce yourself, talk about things you like/don't like, what you're looking for and to tell them a bit about your personality. Quite a few people start off their profiles with "I dunno what to say, it's so hard to talk about myself here".. really??? Because you have no problem talking about yourself in person! Just start typing as if you were talking! Also don't just say " hey I hate filling out these things but feel free to ask me anything you like." This is both a very lazy and negative statement. If people are already internet dating it's because time is of the essence. Why do you think they have time to sit down and ask you questions about yourself in which the answers should already be in your profile? And lets not forget it's you plus a million other guys saying the same thing! It doesn't have to be a book but keep it fun, unique, and looking like you genuinely want to meet someone. Women will reply to that more so than "I hate filling out these things."
2. Pictures. Extremely important! Most online profiles actually have the option to not receive emails from people without pics, it's that important. Upload 3-5 shots at the very minimum. At least one clear head shot where you're smiling and facing the camera not the side of your face. One upper body shot and one full length shot. Why? Because she wants to know what your face looks like! Do you have nice teeth, do you have nice eyes hence the head shot. Upper body is good because it gives a good idea from the waist up how you look from a short distance. Full length shot gives the idea of what you look like overall. Make sure that the head or upper body shot does not contain a shadow, is not blurry, and you're not wearing either a hat or sunglasses...why?? Because they block your face! Is she looking to date you or the hat that's covering half of your face?? lol Come on guys let's be real!! Let me guess.. some of you are saying but it's a style!! Ya well she can see that style in a full length shot or in person! Try to avoid goofy pics. Most of the time guys think these pics are funny and show their "fun side" but to a woman most of those pics translate as ridiculous or unattractive next thing you know she's clicked on the next profile. Don't worry guys you'll have plenty of time later to show her this side of you! Make sure the area is well lit and preferably get someone else to take the pic for you. Many women seem to not like self shot pics. Now I don't always agree with this one but I have seen many women complain about it( I don't know why!!) but I'm putting this out there for them. Please keep your shirt on! lol Literally. I've seen a lot of women complain about to many shirtless pics! Personally I'm of the belief that if you have a nice body rock it out! I never mind seeing a nice set of abs but hey some do so there you go lol. Last but not least.. Make sure the pic is recent. As in within the last 3 months. NO ONE likes the shocker when their date shows up and they're 100 lbs heavier and 10 years older than their pics!! :-o !!! Not cool! Whatever you are, BE HONEST about it.
3.Contact. So at some point you start reading profiles looking at pics and decide "hey this girl looks cute, I like what she has to say I'll send her a message." For God's sake men say something worth responding too!! Say more than one or two words rather than just saying Hi or how're you... there are 10 other guys that have already messaged her the same thing! She often won't bother replying. Be polite but brief. " Hi.. I came across your profile and you seem really_______ ( funny, sweet, interesting, intelligent etc) when you have a minute take a look at my profile and if you're interested in getting to know each other I'd love to hear back from you! Thanks_____ (insert your name). What does this say? It means you took the time to read about her not just look at her pics, it shows you have manners and can speak politely and respectfully ( women love gentlemen), and you commented on HER and not how she looks. 9 times out of ten men shoot themselves in the foot by commenting on her looks first. Does that mean never say she's pretty or attractive? No. Just don't make it the first thing. If women think you're just talking to them because you like her ass or their breasts you're dead in the water lol. They don't like being objectified. Most sane, intelligent attractive women want a man that sees what's between her ears and values it as much as he values her smokin body ;) get it? Now does this mean it will always work? Nope. But you're more likely to get a response than if you continue using one or two words. And PLEASE spell out your words!! These U R CUTE messages. I don't care how intelligent you are but it looks like you're dense when you send a message like this. How much time does it save you to leave out a couple of letters?? Take a minute and type the message using real words not fictitious lazy attempts at words.
4. Texting/Calling. If you have gotten to this step Congratulations! You've made a connection! Keep the texting brief but polite! Simply because so many messages lose their translation. How many times have you sent what you thought was a funny message only for the person to be upset, confused or mad? Right. Keep it simple. Calling is very important. Often you can hear things that turn you off or on just by listening to the person's voice, the way they speak, the sound, and their ability to hold a conversation. you'll be surprised how much you can learn by a voice and this will do one of two things. Either you'll feel more encouraged to meet the person or you'll be glad you didn't and saved yourself the time and money lol.
5. Meeting. Guys I have to say... I don't believe in coffee dates. Meeting the person for the first time is all about first impressions! As a woman I'm not going to get myself all dolled up to sit in front of a Starbuck's. it's an absolute waste of time. And I'm going to say it, and some of you won't like it but... it's just plain cheap!! Some of you are pissed now because cheap people don't like being called cheap ( unless you're a recovering addict of any kind--you get a free pass! :) ) but that's the truth of the matter. If you're really interested in a woman do something nice! That doesn't mean you have to break the bank either! Meet for a drink- yes an alcoholic beverage! IF you guys get along share an appetizer :). If she's a vegan or non-drinker source out a nice vegan cafe where you can get a nice pastry or dessert or something ( she'll love that because it shows you're listening to her, you're taking her into consideration, and you care to impress her) . Or a nice coffee place that's more than just a coffee place! For example, here in Toronto there's a great cafe in the downtown core called Snakes and Lattes where you can go get a coffee while playing any one of their over 1000 board games! It's fun, unique, very affordable and a great way to get to know someone :).
6. What to wear. Dress appropriately. How many dates have I been on where the guy just wasn't dressed properly?? Here's a check list:
Remember, when it comes to internet dating, your profile and your pics are your selling tools. So take the time to make it reflect who you are as best as possible. What you're aiming to do is get women interested enough in your profile to stay on your page and email you instead of clicking NEXT! When it's done, if you're still not sure ask a good female friend to review it and give you some HONEST, helpful advice.
Those are my tips for internet dating! I hope they help! Please feel free to ask questions, post comments etc. Good Luck and stay tuned for my next post! :)
Welcome to ...INTERNET DATING!!!! lol
For those of you guys saying "whatever I don't need the internet to pick up women!" When you think about it, it's a logical step in the world of technology! We have 3D tv, iPhones, cars with cameras to help you reverse... so why not dating through the internet? Look at it as a virtual bar! Don't take it to seriously but it expands your options! There are tons of dating sites, some are paid some are free. Pick one or two and check them out. What kind of people are there? Do you see a few women that pique your interest? If so sign up! What have you got to lose? Keep it safe, screen the emails and voila! You've just moseyed into the virtual bar!
Here are some of my tips for internet dating:
1. Profiles.. Fill them out! This is the time to introduce yourself, talk about things you like/don't like, what you're looking for and to tell them a bit about your personality. Quite a few people start off their profiles with "I dunno what to say, it's so hard to talk about myself here".. really??? Because you have no problem talking about yourself in person! Just start typing as if you were talking! Also don't just say " hey I hate filling out these things but feel free to ask me anything you like." This is both a very lazy and negative statement. If people are already internet dating it's because time is of the essence. Why do you think they have time to sit down and ask you questions about yourself in which the answers should already be in your profile? And lets not forget it's you plus a million other guys saying the same thing! It doesn't have to be a book but keep it fun, unique, and looking like you genuinely want to meet someone. Women will reply to that more so than "I hate filling out these things."
2. Pictures. Extremely important! Most online profiles actually have the option to not receive emails from people without pics, it's that important. Upload 3-5 shots at the very minimum. At least one clear head shot where you're smiling and facing the camera not the side of your face. One upper body shot and one full length shot. Why? Because she wants to know what your face looks like! Do you have nice teeth, do you have nice eyes hence the head shot. Upper body is good because it gives a good idea from the waist up how you look from a short distance. Full length shot gives the idea of what you look like overall. Make sure that the head or upper body shot does not contain a shadow, is not blurry, and you're not wearing either a hat or sunglasses...why?? Because they block your face! Is she looking to date you or the hat that's covering half of your face?? lol Come on guys let's be real!! Let me guess.. some of you are saying but it's a style!! Ya well she can see that style in a full length shot or in person! Try to avoid goofy pics. Most of the time guys think these pics are funny and show their "fun side" but to a woman most of those pics translate as ridiculous or unattractive next thing you know she's clicked on the next profile. Don't worry guys you'll have plenty of time later to show her this side of you! Make sure the area is well lit and preferably get someone else to take the pic for you. Many women seem to not like self shot pics. Now I don't always agree with this one but I have seen many women complain about it( I don't know why!!) but I'm putting this out there for them. Please keep your shirt on! lol Literally. I've seen a lot of women complain about to many shirtless pics! Personally I'm of the belief that if you have a nice body rock it out! I never mind seeing a nice set of abs but hey some do so there you go lol. Last but not least.. Make sure the pic is recent. As in within the last 3 months. NO ONE likes the shocker when their date shows up and they're 100 lbs heavier and 10 years older than their pics!! :-o !!! Not cool! Whatever you are, BE HONEST about it.
3.Contact. So at some point you start reading profiles looking at pics and decide "hey this girl looks cute, I like what she has to say I'll send her a message." For God's sake men say something worth responding too!! Say more than one or two words rather than just saying Hi or how're you... there are 10 other guys that have already messaged her the same thing! She often won't bother replying. Be polite but brief. " Hi.. I came across your profile and you seem really_______ ( funny, sweet, interesting, intelligent etc) when you have a minute take a look at my profile and if you're interested in getting to know each other I'd love to hear back from you! Thanks_____ (insert your name). What does this say? It means you took the time to read about her not just look at her pics, it shows you have manners and can speak politely and respectfully ( women love gentlemen), and you commented on HER and not how she looks. 9 times out of ten men shoot themselves in the foot by commenting on her looks first. Does that mean never say she's pretty or attractive? No. Just don't make it the first thing. If women think you're just talking to them because you like her ass or their breasts you're dead in the water lol. They don't like being objectified. Most sane, intelligent attractive women want a man that sees what's between her ears and values it as much as he values her smokin body ;) get it? Now does this mean it will always work? Nope. But you're more likely to get a response than if you continue using one or two words. And PLEASE spell out your words!! These U R CUTE messages. I don't care how intelligent you are but it looks like you're dense when you send a message like this. How much time does it save you to leave out a couple of letters?? Take a minute and type the message using real words not fictitious lazy attempts at words.
4. Texting/Calling. If you have gotten to this step Congratulations! You've made a connection! Keep the texting brief but polite! Simply because so many messages lose their translation. How many times have you sent what you thought was a funny message only for the person to be upset, confused or mad? Right. Keep it simple. Calling is very important. Often you can hear things that turn you off or on just by listening to the person's voice, the way they speak, the sound, and their ability to hold a conversation. you'll be surprised how much you can learn by a voice and this will do one of two things. Either you'll feel more encouraged to meet the person or you'll be glad you didn't and saved yourself the time and money lol.
5. Meeting. Guys I have to say... I don't believe in coffee dates. Meeting the person for the first time is all about first impressions! As a woman I'm not going to get myself all dolled up to sit in front of a Starbuck's. it's an absolute waste of time. And I'm going to say it, and some of you won't like it but... it's just plain cheap!! Some of you are pissed now because cheap people don't like being called cheap ( unless you're a recovering addict of any kind--you get a free pass! :) ) but that's the truth of the matter. If you're really interested in a woman do something nice! That doesn't mean you have to break the bank either! Meet for a drink- yes an alcoholic beverage! IF you guys get along share an appetizer :). If she's a vegan or non-drinker source out a nice vegan cafe where you can get a nice pastry or dessert or something ( she'll love that because it shows you're listening to her, you're taking her into consideration, and you care to impress her) . Or a nice coffee place that's more than just a coffee place! For example, here in Toronto there's a great cafe in the downtown core called Snakes and Lattes where you can go get a coffee while playing any one of their over 1000 board games! It's fun, unique, very affordable and a great way to get to know someone :).
6. What to wear. Dress appropriately. How many dates have I been on where the guy just wasn't dressed properly?? Here's a check list:
- Shirt/pants ironed? - no one likes when a man looks like he's crawled out of a laundry basket lol
- Teeth brushed? No one likes bad breath. Make sure to brush your teeth just BEFORE you go on your date.
- Stain free? Please make sure all your clothing is clean and free of stains.
- Hygiene? Shower, shave, deodorant, clean under the nails, ears, shampoo hair, toe nails trimmed and clean looking if you're wearing sandles and don't think she won't notice! I know what you're saying... Are you serious?? Deadly. A lot of men forget to do one or more of these things believe it or not lol.
- Breath Mints or gum? Always have some on you just in case you eat or drink something that alters your breath. If your breath smells bad at all you can KISS your good night kiss goodbye.. cheesy pun intended :p lol
- If you have a beard make sure it's properly trimmed or well maintained.. if you're not sure ask another woman that's not your mother, sister or family.
- Same goes for your hairstyle whatever it may be keep it clean looking.
Remember, when it comes to internet dating, your profile and your pics are your selling tools. So take the time to make it reflect who you are as best as possible. What you're aiming to do is get women interested enough in your profile to stay on your page and email you instead of clicking NEXT! When it's done, if you're still not sure ask a good female friend to review it and give you some HONEST, helpful advice.
Those are my tips for internet dating! I hope they help! Please feel free to ask questions, post comments etc. Good Luck and stay tuned for my next post! :)
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