I was out on a date the other day and the guy said " Ask me anything you want and I'll be 100 % honest and tell you what you want to know." Hmmmm I'm generally curious so when a question comes to mind I usually just ask so I thought, "What could I possibly want to know about that I haven't asked?" and then the bell went off, BING! And my question was " Why do guys wanna cum on girls faces???" The look of sheer and utter shock on this guys face was absolutely priceless! He actually had to walk away to laugh out loud and cum back because the shock hit him so hard. When he was done he finally came back, tears welling up in his eyes and he said "I don't know! I've never done it but I've always wanted to but I'm not sure why! " As sexually experimental as I am, this is one thing I just can't seem to wrap my brain around trying. The funny thing is, a lot of men want to do this to women and a lot of women are absolutely repulsed by the idea. I set out to do some research and find out if I could convince myself to eventually take a cum shot to the face lol.
BUKKAKE: direct translation "act of splashing" from the verb Bukkakeru " to splash with a liquid rudely.
What I was curious about was where did this come from and why? I started looking online and found that there was a lot of specualtion about it's origins.
Apparently from about the 12th to 19th century of Feudal Japan, if a wife was accused of adultery, the punishment was that a group of guys came on her face. The idea being, if you're getting it from someone else then you're going to take it from everyone. The humiliation of it all often caused the woman to commit suicide. This starts to explain why so many women see it as a humiliating act! The act itself came out of punishment, humiliation, trying to put a woman in her place...imagine that fear passed on through generations and we land in today's world where bukkake videos often portray it much like that. When I watched my first ever bukkake video years ago I thought " Omg that poor girl! " All these guys standing around her, calling her names, degrading her, then cumming all over her especially her face, the ultimate sign of degradation! I mean it's her face they're covering in sperm! As if trying to hide her shameful face under a mask of sperm. Today's bukkake videos often have women that look like they enjoy it, want it, revel in it along with the humiliating ones... Not my cup of tea but to each their own! lol
Another speculation was that sometimes they would parade the naked wife through her parents village and the men would dishonour her by cumming all over her face and body. Other times she would would be led to the town center, tied to a post in a kneeling position and the men would cum on her. Sometimes paper screens were used to hide the men so that only the cheating wife would be visible. It was said that sometimes there was so much semen the woman drowned.... Sperm drowning?? Ugh! God that's a terrible way to go! Death by to many cum shots! :-o lol
And last but not least.. sometimes the wife was buried up to her neck in dirt where the guys would gather around for a circle jerk and after cumming all over her face the husband would not only be the last one to cum on her face but sometimes he'd chop off her head. Jesus freaking Christ! What if the first chop doesn't work? Does it look like that dude trying to hit his golf ball out of a sand dune?? Whack! Whack! Whack! Man yet another terrible way to go!
Although the punishment was intended for cheating wives, it was noted that some men were forced to undergo the same punishment. Lmao... How many of YOU would let a dude shoot his load on your face??? Ya exactly! Most of you are saying " No fucking way." So guess what? Maybe when you ask some chick to do it, think about why the idea repulses you first and maybe try to understand why she has the same look on her face when you mention it lol.
Why did it get so popular over the years? Back in the day, porn was about threesomes, bj's, anal was just coming about as well and dp ( double penetration). Dudes were trying to get their women to try these things, threesomes, anal etc.. and then their focus shifted because porn shifted. Once again going back to Japan, in the mid to late 80's there was a mandatory censorship of all male and female genitalia, they had to be blurred out. That posed a problem, how could you still create porn without seeing any of the good stuff and stay within the letter of the law? They had to find another way and since cum was not censored and the focus was often the woman's face and body .. Eureka! They had found a loop hole and Bukkake videos were born. The popularity of this shifted into North America around late 90's and men's dirty little requests of us shifted as well. You guys wanted dirtier, sluttier acts.. just like porn.
So, I was curious, and at first started to ask male friends this question BUT then I thought let me put this out there on a bigger scale. I put up a post on good ol' Craigslist lol. I wanted to get some variety so I posted in Toronto, NYC and Moscow. I have the biggest following from the countries of these cities so I thought, why not?
I got some of the answers that I expected like, dominance, a feeling of control or power, humiliation, porn (monkey see monkey do kinda thing), it's taboo. Then there were some really good answers. Ones where guys put real thought into it but it made sense! Some guys said it was about the act of submitting. The fact that she was willing and with some begging for the guy to cum all over her face. The turn on being 100% submission. I believe it to be a confident submission. This kind of woman doesn't see it as a humiliating act. It's a turn on for her and that turns the guy on.
Porn is interesting because like I said earlier, monkey see monkey do. It's not the sole reason but I do believe the porn industry has a great
power over shaping a man's desire, curiousities and fantasies so this
reasoning also makes sense. When you guys see things in porn that you've never done before, in some it seems to create this urge to get out and find a woman to do this taboo, naughty thing with ... like a woman after this season's Prada bag, she just has to have it! Lol
Dominance, control, power, humiliation, submission, degradation all tie in together. This is a complex relationship. The Dom gets a feeling of power and control over this woman as she submits to him. He gets her to do what ever he wants. Many find this a turn off and often wonder "How could you do that to another human being?" Often he's the one that's crucified. In a healthy Dom/sub relationship there's always the secret underlying knowledge that the Dom is never the one in control, the sub is. Nothing goes further than the sub allows. Healthy Dom/sub relationships that include punishment, humiliation, degradation... only happen if the sub agrees or requests. There is always that level of respect so don't be so quick to judge the Dom/sub dynamic. They both get what the need and want out of the relationship. Him, power, control, satisfaction and even affection. Her, to leave her control at the door, to be the object of attention, push her limits, to explore this side of herself freely, and sometimes affection.The sub submits willingly. She chooses to give over herself to please him, make him happy... because in the end it makes her happy. To be submissive takes more strength than being a Dom.
Some said they thought it came from a more primal instinctual urge to mark territory. One guy put it really well when he said " We have the face of a woman that we are attracted to or are intimate with and we wish to mark it as our territory with cum, placing it where no one else may have done or would normally do and knowing that she carries our seed in a place where many will look but no one will know." I think the answer was well put! We're sneaky little creatures lol. And that IS quite taboo! The idea that this woman walks into her job everyday, sees friends, family, kids and only a few hours ago had a face full of cum. Hehehe. Like a woman walking around with Ben Wa balls.. how many women are walking around getting that kind of pleasure every day and we don't know about it? It's her dirty little secret! SHhhhh! lol
Some said it was a visual thing. Most men seemed to want to do it MORE if the woman was attractive lol. Many men mentioned that when the woman had a more attractive face, the urge to do it was stronger so I think this would also tie in with territory marking. I get the appeal. Hmmm by this logic I must be pretty fucking hot then!! I've had quite a few requests in the past lol. Woohoo! Wait a minute..So... if he doesn't ask, should I be insulted? Lmao that would be a great scene. Me in bed, just after sex, throwing the guys clothes at him, telling him to get out. The confusion as he tried to figure out WTF?! So he asks, " What happened??" And I yell at him as I push him half way out the door " You think I'm ugly! You didn't ask to cum on my face!"... Priceless lmao.
Interestingly enough, a few men said they either had no interest, didn't understand why other men wanted to or have never asked a woman to do it. Ya, I know some of you are saying Bullshit! Lol.. Maybe some really don't. It's not impossible to believe, we're not all hard wired the same. I do believe some won't admit it to themselves. They might think that by wanting to do this act it might mean they enjoy degrading women when really they love and respect women. It would seem like an oxymoron to this man. How can he degrade and respect her at the same time? By understanding that part of the turn on for her IS the humiliation and she trusts and respects you enough to tell you and want to explore it with you. By giving it to her, you humiliate her on her own terms but you respect her for exploring a taboo with you when others would hide it from you out of fear of being rejected.
That being said... How do you try to help a woman get over it or try to get her to try it. I'm not saying these tips or ideas will work for sure but they might help.
1. Feel out the topic. Guys, don't just straight up ask her if you can cum on her face Lmao.. so many of you are saying WHY NOT?? Because of our natural reaction to be repulsed by it and see it as a humiliating act, many women will automatically say no because they think you WANT to humiliate them. That may not be the case though. For a lot of men seeing their cum on a woman's body is a huge turn on for them. Like you've conquered something.. but you don't know why lol. So talk. Feel her out. If you always cum in a condom, try asking her if you can cum on her. Most women will let you do that. If she's good with that ask if you can try some new places. She'll say "Like what?" Don't just say the face lol. Throw it in with some other areas you actually want to try.. her ass, her breasts, her stomach, the small of her back.
2. Stroke the ego. Many women just want to feel like the most desired woman when she's with you. HELLO! Do any of you pay attention to RomCom (Romantic Comedies) ? Why do you think it's such a thriving industry? They want the guy that's going to be romantic, sacrifice for her ( in the movies it's a job or another woman, or telling off the controlling mother in law lol). You have to make her feel like she's the only person that matters right there at that moment, even one nighters. By doing this, you create security and get rid of some insecurity. If she thinks you're going to think she's a whore ( and I mean a real whore not dirty talk whore) for letting you cum on her face chances are she's going to take a pass.
3. Explain yourself. Before you have this conversation, think. Women like to know the why and many, not all will want to know why you want to cum on her face. Don't say "I don't know!" Lol.. For every guy that has said this I've never let him do it because if you don't know why why should I let you?? If you can't explain the turn on then it's just me with cum on my face literally for no reason lol. So have a good a reason.
4. Be the clean up crew. If you get the chance to do it, guys be a gentleman and go get a nice warm wash cloth to help her wipe it off. Heck, if you ask her to lie back while you gently remove it she's more inclined to do it again because it would be an act of kindness after an act of humiliation. Don't have her wandering around half blind trying to find the washroom but bumping into walls lol. And don't throw the wash cloth at her. That's more degrading! Like telling a dog to eat your shit... ugh!
All in all, If you can get her to believe that the act itself is a turn on and not that you want to treat her like shit, your chances will improve immensely. As for me, did any of this change my mind? Hmmm I can't say I'd do it for sure but I definitely have a better understanding. I think with the right partner one day I will but for now I think I'll keep my face virginity in tact! lol
As usual, thanks for reading and continuing to visit my blog :)
Hello to my new friends! Buon giorno in Italy, Guten Tag/Bonjour/and Buon giorno in Switerland, Hola in Venezuela and Puerto Rico!
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
BFW Personal Mini Blog: The Cuban Misleading Crisis
As most of you have come to learn, I have a very shall we say "colourful" dating life lol. Many people asked "Are you still writing?" "What's going on?" I am still writing, I've just been on quite the journey. I needed to take a hiatus. Grow. Become stronger, wiser, get my emotions under control.There are so many roads we're on at the same time, career paths, life, friendship,for some dating, for others love and the other others sex. At times these paths cross. Sometimes the path leads to somewhere great, sometimes we realize we went down the wrong one and have to start over and some lead us to a cliff. This is the beginning of how I was pushed over the edge of my cliff.
Back in December most of you read about how I lost my best friend, someone I still miss everyday. He was my first loss so I still find myself looking for ways to deal with my grief but in December it was all still very fresh. We buried him the day before my birthday and Christmas was on it's way. Life was emotionally stressful while still putting a smile on my face, showing up to work, family etc without showing my grief. A lot was bottled up and I decided this was finally the time to take a man's advice to solving problems... I needed to get laid lol.
I was open but not genuinely looking because I was still trying to get over my anger towards the earlier men ( for new readers, if you haven't read them yet, the articles : Origins of a BFW and the BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy will help get you up to speed :) ). My anger was finally starting to simmer down. Less and less was I feeling the urge to punch a guy in the face, I call that...Progress!!! lol. After the Trilogy, although much of my anger had disappeared, the idea of having sex with a man would piss me off! I would see this image in my mind of me sitting on top of a guy in lingerie, mid sex, just wailing on his face! I mean, I was really beating the crap out of his face while enjoying every second of it and I thought " Hmmmm, you know, I just don't think that's healthy!". So, responsibly I pulled myself out of the game. I benched myself until I thought I could play nicely with others... well until at least I found a willing participant to take the pain but that's another story and another article coming soon ;)!
A friend decides to throw a party at her place and I decide to go because I think the positive energy will do me some good. I end up hanging out with some friends but meeting a lot of new people and of course some characters. There was Rape-y 1, Rape-y 2, and we'll call this guy Guido. The Italian that spoke Spanish but not Italian...Go figure! Ahhhh Rape-y 1 and 2 were THOSE guys. You know, the ones that drink just a little to much, get a little to much liquid courage and start saying any creepy assed thing that comes to mind thinking they're making the situation better but in a normal woman's mind we're thinking " Hit the ground and run!". As the night goes on, anything that doesn't smell male is getting hit on lol. Randomly throughout the night they come by whisper a few creepy nothings into my ear or they'll stop by and attempt what they believe to be normal conversation with comments like " You know, my dick gets hard when I think about the last time I had sex with a black girl." :-s Oh ya, I mean these guys were the creme de la creme of creepy assed fuckers lol. I spend some of my night dodging and weaving these two idiots and other parts with friends and then Guido. Eventually Guido catches on to Rape-y 1 and 2 since they consistently interrupt our conversation. Guido decides to become the knight in shining armour and suggests we hang out in our friend's room. I give him "the look" you know, the "are-you-serious?" look. Now guys, I am accustomed to the Rape-y's of this world, I'm a big little woman and can take care of myself BUT I still think it's great when a guy swoops in to save the damsel in distress lol. He swears up and down we're just gonna chill and hang out... which true to his word, we actually do! He doesn't make any moves we just have some good conversation but of course Rape-y 1 has noticed that I have gone missing and searches the house for me until he finds me!
Sidenote: Guys, if you're talking to a woman and she consistently disappears on you, keeps trying to make eye contact with her friends, joins other peoples conversations, excuses herself from your conversation repeatedly, and is not giving you any clear information to questions like, where do you live? where do you work? where do you like to hang out? etc.. Those are SIGNS!!! Chances are she's deemed you a creepy mofo and is dodging you. She is NOT interested! Let it go lol.. and while you're at it, work on lowering the creep factor.
He asks what we're doing and we say we're talking. That throws him off, he wasn't expecting that answer lol. He decides he wants to join the conversation. He comes in, sits in a chair in a corner and never joins the conversation. He just sits there watching us like a creepy Rape-y psycho! Eventually he comes to the conclusion that we're really just talking and leaves very confused. Whew. The party seems to be ending and we get ready to leave. As we're leaving we notice our friend's having an emotional break. She was upset over some man drama. What I found interesting was that this was the point in time that Guido became attractive to me. Once again he wasn't my usual physical type. A little chubbier than I'd like and overly manicured eyebrows. I think he was self conscious because he was incredibly hairy all over to the point that he had regular appointments for back, chest and God knows what other kind of waxing lol. Anyway, he started to console my friend. He was actually giving her real and sound advice. I was shocked! Most guys tell you get over it and get laid lol. The cure to all men's ailments! Except he didn't and for some reason his caring became a real turn on for me. When we'd calmed my friend down we left and he walked me to my car, literally picked me up and kissed me. Shock. It all happened so fast! It was an even bigger turn on because he's a tall guy and I'm small so to pick me up like I weigh next to nothing... Oooh the things I could do with this man! Before I knew it I had wrapped my legs around him and we were making out in the middle of the street, across from my friend's house! It was cold as hell outside but all the important parts were hot and on fire.
Somehow, I honestly have no memory of how but we made it into the backseat of my tiny car.. lmao. Ya ya I know. Listen, the backseat is not an ideal place for things to go down but sometimes you gotta work with your surroundings and you guys all know I'm very free with my sexuality. I can be very uninhibited and this was one of those times.Seize the moment and enjoy it for what it is. No regrets just good times ;). Clothes don't come off they just get pushed to the side, unzipped, pushed up... whatever it takes to get to the goods. Somehow, in the confines of my tiny car we get each other off without actually having sex and it's a well deserved fucking orgasm! It had been months since I'd done anything sexual with a man! And then, this is the time where reality kicks in. The lust starts to fade, the cold starts to seep in and I realize " Hmmm I'm in the backseat of my car. Did anyone see us?" Lol. As I look around all the windows are foggy. We start, pulling, pushing and zipping up clothes and that's when I see the lady walking by with her dog! I start laughing my ass off. He pauses, slightly confused.. ( he's in the middle of zipping up his pants so I get the confusion lol) I point and he sees the lady and her dog slowly walking by! Nosey old bat was trying to get a peep lol. Finally we get ourselves together and he asks for my number and says we should get together sometime. Ya ya, I've heard that before and after what and where we just did what we did, I don't expect a call and I'm cool with that. It was a seize the moment thing right?! All the more reason I was shocked when he messaged me a few days later.
We chit chat back and forth a little bit and straight off the bat he lets me know he likes my personality, he thinks I'd be great to hang out with and see where things go but he can't do a relationship right now because he recently got out of one and he's not looking to jump into anything any time soon. He asks what I think about that and let's me know it's cool if I don't want to go any further. I say I'm ok with it because I'm at that point in the process of trying to let men back into my good graces. I'm trying to let go of my anger and I believe that something slow, friendly and with the added bonus of being sexual is probably what I need.The honesty of what he was saying was also appreciated and needed. I knew what I was getting into and I was ok with that. I called my friend and we talked, I needed some advice. She's one of very few women I truly get along with and respect because she's much like me. She's probably even freer than I am when it comes to sex and sexuality, she's educated, intelligent, funny, good head on her shoulders (except in the men dept but I think that comes with our gender lol), she has a big heart and a good soul and just like me she delivers straight truth. No bullshit. My kinda woman lol. She vouches for the guy. She tells me he's a great guy, not like other guys. He's kind, he's honest, very picky when it comes to women, he's intelligent, a big teddy bear lol. I say ok, sounds like a guy I can take a chance on. See, even though I wanted to get on to the sex part, I was still having trouble. I felt like I was walking on a tightrope and that rope was my faith in men. If I could make it to the other side I'd be fine but if that rope broke who knew what hell might be unleashed. I really needed to make it to the other side and from what my friend was saying, Guido here, might be able to help me get across.
On our first night out we go to a comedy club, have a great time, then to a board game cafe I love for some tea and a chat. We lay down the ground rules. He tells me about what happened in his past relationship and I tell him about my recent experiences with men. He lets me know that he's looking for something easy going, where he can get to know the person really well not just sex. He missed companionship and so did I. He's not interested in a fuck buddy but he can't do a relationship right now so we were more like friends with benefits but the kind where we actually do get to know each other. He didn't want anything exclusive and although he was not compelled to stick his dick into everything that moved he just wanted to be able to explore an option if it came up. If an option was explored we would have to let the other know out of respect and honesty. I was completely cool with that because it was honest, it was straightforward and FINALLY some guy wasn't trying to pull the wool over my eyes. We agree to those terms and for the next couple of weeks everything is fantastic. We hang out, we hit a swinger's club just because, we chill at my place, sometimes at his and it's always followed by amazing sex lol. He got nick named the Stallion by my friends and he lived up to it. This man was a giver in every kind of way! We bonded very quickly not just sexually but intellectually as well. It's a hard pairing to find because it's the person's mind that turns you on and when you add incredible sexual chemistry to it, that is a recipe for body and mind blowing sex. Like Retro Batman BLAM! KAPOW! Lol.
Christmas comes and goes and New Years Eve (NYE) is fast approaching. Guido tells me he's going away to Cuba for two weeks on NYE.... with his Ex- girlfriend. Lol ya I know, sounds fishy right? Of course! We talk about this one night and he tells me how much he loves Cuban lifestyle.He spent quite a bit of time over there and every time he goes back it feels like home. He owns two moving companies but he's also a professional Salsa dancer. He loves everything there is about Cuban culture except the relationships. He says over there cheating is a way of life. They have spouses, they cheat on them, there's drama everywhere, it's a real live Telemundo! lol He says that's not the life for him but he hopes to retire there one day with any woman but a Cuban woman. He says he couldn't take the drama or the heartbreak. NYE comes and they leave but before he leaves he tells me to clear my schedule the Monday he gets back because he's going to need to see me after being away for two weeks for some much needed sexual relief. Done and done! In that 2 week time my friend and I go out a couple times and she's ecstatic for us. She's practically got us married with kids and planning the wedding lol. I tell her to calm her horses. We're good, things are good and we're just keeping it simple. Except I have a weird feeling. She tells me don't worry about the Ex, they've been friends for years and it's over. I say ok and give him the benefit of the doubt because Xavier is my ex ( briefly mentioned in BFW Trilogy) and we've been friends for years so I can't fault him for that. The two weeks pass at an excruciatingly slow pace. I had been dying to see this guy because I honestly enjoyed his company, the conversation, his companionship and I was looking forward to some amazing fucking sex. When you're getting it good, two weeks is a long time to go without it so of course I did the whole drill Monday evening. Showered, scrubbed, shaved, moisturized, the recipe for incredibly soft and smooth skin ;).
Monday evening came and went. No call, no message. Hmmmmm. Tuesday comes and I message my friend. That weird feeling I had a little while ago had become stronger. Did I mention another thing about her that I love is her optimism? lol .She tries her best to calm my suspicions. Maybe he's working, he's been gone for a while so the paperwork has probably piled up, maybe he's jet lagged..etc etc.. She tries really hard to keep me optimistic but I am me and I've never been in the business of fooling myself. Jet lag, paperwork, work.. whatever. When a man wants to get laid almost nothing will stop him. I have learned that time and time again. After feeding themselves, a man's next primal instinct is fucking so when the guy doesn't come knocking.. something's up.
Wednesday rolls around and I finally get a call. I answer the phone warily and we get to chatting. For an hour we talk about random nonsense, laugh and catch up... I'm waiting. It's been an hour and we've talked about everything but his trip. I finally lay down some ground work to get him started as he seems to be having a hard time bringing up the subject. I tell him we should check out the swinger's club that weekend and bring our friend, she'd love it. Silence. I've gently forced his hand. I could've just all out asked " So, did you end up sleeping with your ex?" but I didn't want to be that woman. After a pause he tells me we can go but just as friend's. He kind of met someone in Cuba. :-o. Now I'm silent, stunned actually. " What do you mean, you met someone in Cuba? As in another tourist? I thought you went with your ex?" He says he did but she only stayed for one week. The second week he moved into town and ended up renting a room with a nice family. In that week he hung out with a woman that lived there. They had great conversation, they babysat her nephew together, as the days passed they got closer and closer together. He said right from the get go he had the same conversation with her that he had with me about not being ready for a relationship.... except he left Cuba in a relationship with this woman! My heart plummets as I feel myself falling off the cliff into white, hot, searing, anger. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Who falls in love with the locals??? Everyone knows that! Everyone's looking for a Green Card out there! What the hell is the matter with this guy?? From my silence he can tell that I'm pissed right the fuck off.
He starts telling me that he doesn't know what happened. When he was here and we were together he caught himself imagining him and I together. Our closeness, my nature, my intelligence, my body, everything.. he wondered what it would be like to be involved with me but he figured he had time to figure it out when he got back.. except he didn't. He didn't expect to meet another woman and fall for her. And now he was giving me the "Good Woman" speech. I shut him right down. How dare he. He has the nerve to tell me that I'm a good woman, an amazing woman in fact and so was she but when he had to choose, he chose the woman that was a 5 hour flight away??? The amazing woman that was a half hour drive away loses but the woman that you have to get on a plane for, who comes from a place where people are almost programmed to look for Green Card suckers, and after ONE whole week, with the kind of woman he said he would NEVER be involved with... this is the woman that wins?? This is the woman that's better than me? The insult was like a kick in the face.
Snap. There goes the rope. My faith in men crumbles right here.
He was apologetic, he really was sorry, in hindsight I see that but at the time I didn't want to hear it. The anger I was feeling was so overwhelming and without ever raising my voice or swearing I tear this guy a new ass hole. Why? Because I am at DEFCON 1 and I'm about to blow! I believed in this guy. I had hoped that this would be a beginning to me restoring my faith in men. Why give the amazing woman speech? BULLSHIT guys, BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. If I'm such an amazing woman why was he taking a pass on me for a woman he met a week ago and who doesn't even live in the same fucking country. Unbelievable! I told him to keep his speech, I didn't need it. It wasn't making me feel any less insulted or betrayed. Yes betrayed. HE said nothing exclusive. HE said he wasn't ready for a long term relationship any time soon. I believed him. I agreed. I thought I had time.. but I didn't and that's why I think I felt betrayed. He robbed me of that time, time I needed to heal, to be right with men. He had also robbed me of my faith. I felt like I had been misled. The very thing that was the basis of our arrangement, the very thing he said he couldn't handle was the same thing I was being left behind for. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough. He made me feel like a fool. I know it wasn't fair for me to put my anger for all of man kind on him but I knew I couldn't handle another situation like this. I told him I couldn't, that's why this was supposed to work. We were on the same path traveling together but when we got to the cliff he pushed me off.
I can take a lot but this was a big blow to my ego especially after the last few guys. How did this happen? I tried so hard to avoid this moment. I write this blog to help men not recreate these types of moments, I'm usually the one offering advice, cheering you guys on, trying with all my might to make some other woman's life better through you guys and in turn make your lives a little easier or less dramatic but all I get back is disappointment from men no matter how hard I try to believe. And that's when She began to wake up.
Who is She? She, I think, is the real me. My inner bitch. She took over and the regular me took a backseat. We all have different sides of our personality. You know, there's the one you keep in reserve for certain family members, there's work you, party girl/guy you, gym you... all different parts of us. I have an inner bitch. Usually I keep her in check, for stereotype purposes lol, but there are times when she gets out and when she does watch out. She's not as nice with her words as I am. She doesn't care about much. She gets what she wants.She has little patience and whatever is the source of my anger becomes her main focus.. But don't worry you'll get to meet her in the next BFW Personal Mini Blog-BDSM Edition: Whips, Chains, Locks and Things.
Until I write that blog I may go back to a couple of regular articles before that one hits but stay tuned and thanks to everyone all over the world who continue to read my blog! :)
Hello to some new friends!Chào inVietnam, 안녕하세요 in South Korea, Hei in Norway, and Hej in Denmark! :)
Back in December most of you read about how I lost my best friend, someone I still miss everyday. He was my first loss so I still find myself looking for ways to deal with my grief but in December it was all still very fresh. We buried him the day before my birthday and Christmas was on it's way. Life was emotionally stressful while still putting a smile on my face, showing up to work, family etc without showing my grief. A lot was bottled up and I decided this was finally the time to take a man's advice to solving problems... I needed to get laid lol.
I was open but not genuinely looking because I was still trying to get over my anger towards the earlier men ( for new readers, if you haven't read them yet, the articles : Origins of a BFW and the BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy will help get you up to speed :) ). My anger was finally starting to simmer down. Less and less was I feeling the urge to punch a guy in the face, I call that...Progress!!! lol. After the Trilogy, although much of my anger had disappeared, the idea of having sex with a man would piss me off! I would see this image in my mind of me sitting on top of a guy in lingerie, mid sex, just wailing on his face! I mean, I was really beating the crap out of his face while enjoying every second of it and I thought " Hmmmm, you know, I just don't think that's healthy!". So, responsibly I pulled myself out of the game. I benched myself until I thought I could play nicely with others... well until at least I found a willing participant to take the pain but that's another story and another article coming soon ;)!
A friend decides to throw a party at her place and I decide to go because I think the positive energy will do me some good. I end up hanging out with some friends but meeting a lot of new people and of course some characters. There was Rape-y 1, Rape-y 2, and we'll call this guy Guido. The Italian that spoke Spanish but not Italian...Go figure! Ahhhh Rape-y 1 and 2 were THOSE guys. You know, the ones that drink just a little to much, get a little to much liquid courage and start saying any creepy assed thing that comes to mind thinking they're making the situation better but in a normal woman's mind we're thinking " Hit the ground and run!". As the night goes on, anything that doesn't smell male is getting hit on lol. Randomly throughout the night they come by whisper a few creepy nothings into my ear or they'll stop by and attempt what they believe to be normal conversation with comments like " You know, my dick gets hard when I think about the last time I had sex with a black girl." :-s Oh ya, I mean these guys were the creme de la creme of creepy assed fuckers lol. I spend some of my night dodging and weaving these two idiots and other parts with friends and then Guido. Eventually Guido catches on to Rape-y 1 and 2 since they consistently interrupt our conversation. Guido decides to become the knight in shining armour and suggests we hang out in our friend's room. I give him "the look" you know, the "are-you-serious?" look. Now guys, I am accustomed to the Rape-y's of this world, I'm a big little woman and can take care of myself BUT I still think it's great when a guy swoops in to save the damsel in distress lol. He swears up and down we're just gonna chill and hang out... which true to his word, we actually do! He doesn't make any moves we just have some good conversation but of course Rape-y 1 has noticed that I have gone missing and searches the house for me until he finds me!
Sidenote: Guys, if you're talking to a woman and she consistently disappears on you, keeps trying to make eye contact with her friends, joins other peoples conversations, excuses herself from your conversation repeatedly, and is not giving you any clear information to questions like, where do you live? where do you work? where do you like to hang out? etc.. Those are SIGNS!!! Chances are she's deemed you a creepy mofo and is dodging you. She is NOT interested! Let it go lol.. and while you're at it, work on lowering the creep factor.
He asks what we're doing and we say we're talking. That throws him off, he wasn't expecting that answer lol. He decides he wants to join the conversation. He comes in, sits in a chair in a corner and never joins the conversation. He just sits there watching us like a creepy Rape-y psycho! Eventually he comes to the conclusion that we're really just talking and leaves very confused. Whew. The party seems to be ending and we get ready to leave. As we're leaving we notice our friend's having an emotional break. She was upset over some man drama. What I found interesting was that this was the point in time that Guido became attractive to me. Once again he wasn't my usual physical type. A little chubbier than I'd like and overly manicured eyebrows. I think he was self conscious because he was incredibly hairy all over to the point that he had regular appointments for back, chest and God knows what other kind of waxing lol. Anyway, he started to console my friend. He was actually giving her real and sound advice. I was shocked! Most guys tell you get over it and get laid lol. The cure to all men's ailments! Except he didn't and for some reason his caring became a real turn on for me. When we'd calmed my friend down we left and he walked me to my car, literally picked me up and kissed me. Shock. It all happened so fast! It was an even bigger turn on because he's a tall guy and I'm small so to pick me up like I weigh next to nothing... Oooh the things I could do with this man! Before I knew it I had wrapped my legs around him and we were making out in the middle of the street, across from my friend's house! It was cold as hell outside but all the important parts were hot and on fire.
Somehow, I honestly have no memory of how but we made it into the backseat of my tiny car.. lmao. Ya ya I know. Listen, the backseat is not an ideal place for things to go down but sometimes you gotta work with your surroundings and you guys all know I'm very free with my sexuality. I can be very uninhibited and this was one of those times.Seize the moment and enjoy it for what it is. No regrets just good times ;). Clothes don't come off they just get pushed to the side, unzipped, pushed up... whatever it takes to get to the goods. Somehow, in the confines of my tiny car we get each other off without actually having sex and it's a well deserved fucking orgasm! It had been months since I'd done anything sexual with a man! And then, this is the time where reality kicks in. The lust starts to fade, the cold starts to seep in and I realize " Hmmm I'm in the backseat of my car. Did anyone see us?" Lol. As I look around all the windows are foggy. We start, pulling, pushing and zipping up clothes and that's when I see the lady walking by with her dog! I start laughing my ass off. He pauses, slightly confused.. ( he's in the middle of zipping up his pants so I get the confusion lol) I point and he sees the lady and her dog slowly walking by! Nosey old bat was trying to get a peep lol. Finally we get ourselves together and he asks for my number and says we should get together sometime. Ya ya, I've heard that before and after what and where we just did what we did, I don't expect a call and I'm cool with that. It was a seize the moment thing right?! All the more reason I was shocked when he messaged me a few days later.
We chit chat back and forth a little bit and straight off the bat he lets me know he likes my personality, he thinks I'd be great to hang out with and see where things go but he can't do a relationship right now because he recently got out of one and he's not looking to jump into anything any time soon. He asks what I think about that and let's me know it's cool if I don't want to go any further. I say I'm ok with it because I'm at that point in the process of trying to let men back into my good graces. I'm trying to let go of my anger and I believe that something slow, friendly and with the added bonus of being sexual is probably what I need.The honesty of what he was saying was also appreciated and needed. I knew what I was getting into and I was ok with that. I called my friend and we talked, I needed some advice. She's one of very few women I truly get along with and respect because she's much like me. She's probably even freer than I am when it comes to sex and sexuality, she's educated, intelligent, funny, good head on her shoulders (except in the men dept but I think that comes with our gender lol), she has a big heart and a good soul and just like me she delivers straight truth. No bullshit. My kinda woman lol. She vouches for the guy. She tells me he's a great guy, not like other guys. He's kind, he's honest, very picky when it comes to women, he's intelligent, a big teddy bear lol. I say ok, sounds like a guy I can take a chance on. See, even though I wanted to get on to the sex part, I was still having trouble. I felt like I was walking on a tightrope and that rope was my faith in men. If I could make it to the other side I'd be fine but if that rope broke who knew what hell might be unleashed. I really needed to make it to the other side and from what my friend was saying, Guido here, might be able to help me get across.
On our first night out we go to a comedy club, have a great time, then to a board game cafe I love for some tea and a chat. We lay down the ground rules. He tells me about what happened in his past relationship and I tell him about my recent experiences with men. He lets me know that he's looking for something easy going, where he can get to know the person really well not just sex. He missed companionship and so did I. He's not interested in a fuck buddy but he can't do a relationship right now so we were more like friends with benefits but the kind where we actually do get to know each other. He didn't want anything exclusive and although he was not compelled to stick his dick into everything that moved he just wanted to be able to explore an option if it came up. If an option was explored we would have to let the other know out of respect and honesty. I was completely cool with that because it was honest, it was straightforward and FINALLY some guy wasn't trying to pull the wool over my eyes. We agree to those terms and for the next couple of weeks everything is fantastic. We hang out, we hit a swinger's club just because, we chill at my place, sometimes at his and it's always followed by amazing sex lol. He got nick named the Stallion by my friends and he lived up to it. This man was a giver in every kind of way! We bonded very quickly not just sexually but intellectually as well. It's a hard pairing to find because it's the person's mind that turns you on and when you add incredible sexual chemistry to it, that is a recipe for body and mind blowing sex. Like Retro Batman BLAM! KAPOW! Lol.
Christmas comes and goes and New Years Eve (NYE) is fast approaching. Guido tells me he's going away to Cuba for two weeks on NYE.... with his Ex- girlfriend. Lol ya I know, sounds fishy right? Of course! We talk about this one night and he tells me how much he loves Cuban lifestyle.He spent quite a bit of time over there and every time he goes back it feels like home. He owns two moving companies but he's also a professional Salsa dancer. He loves everything there is about Cuban culture except the relationships. He says over there cheating is a way of life. They have spouses, they cheat on them, there's drama everywhere, it's a real live Telemundo! lol He says that's not the life for him but he hopes to retire there one day with any woman but a Cuban woman. He says he couldn't take the drama or the heartbreak. NYE comes and they leave but before he leaves he tells me to clear my schedule the Monday he gets back because he's going to need to see me after being away for two weeks for some much needed sexual relief. Done and done! In that 2 week time my friend and I go out a couple times and she's ecstatic for us. She's practically got us married with kids and planning the wedding lol. I tell her to calm her horses. We're good, things are good and we're just keeping it simple. Except I have a weird feeling. She tells me don't worry about the Ex, they've been friends for years and it's over. I say ok and give him the benefit of the doubt because Xavier is my ex ( briefly mentioned in BFW Trilogy) and we've been friends for years so I can't fault him for that. The two weeks pass at an excruciatingly slow pace. I had been dying to see this guy because I honestly enjoyed his company, the conversation, his companionship and I was looking forward to some amazing fucking sex. When you're getting it good, two weeks is a long time to go without it so of course I did the whole drill Monday evening. Showered, scrubbed, shaved, moisturized, the recipe for incredibly soft and smooth skin ;).
Monday evening came and went. No call, no message. Hmmmmm. Tuesday comes and I message my friend. That weird feeling I had a little while ago had become stronger. Did I mention another thing about her that I love is her optimism? lol .She tries her best to calm my suspicions. Maybe he's working, he's been gone for a while so the paperwork has probably piled up, maybe he's jet lagged..etc etc.. She tries really hard to keep me optimistic but I am me and I've never been in the business of fooling myself. Jet lag, paperwork, work.. whatever. When a man wants to get laid almost nothing will stop him. I have learned that time and time again. After feeding themselves, a man's next primal instinct is fucking so when the guy doesn't come knocking.. something's up.
Wednesday rolls around and I finally get a call. I answer the phone warily and we get to chatting. For an hour we talk about random nonsense, laugh and catch up... I'm waiting. It's been an hour and we've talked about everything but his trip. I finally lay down some ground work to get him started as he seems to be having a hard time bringing up the subject. I tell him we should check out the swinger's club that weekend and bring our friend, she'd love it. Silence. I've gently forced his hand. I could've just all out asked " So, did you end up sleeping with your ex?" but I didn't want to be that woman. After a pause he tells me we can go but just as friend's. He kind of met someone in Cuba. :-o. Now I'm silent, stunned actually. " What do you mean, you met someone in Cuba? As in another tourist? I thought you went with your ex?" He says he did but she only stayed for one week. The second week he moved into town and ended up renting a room with a nice family. In that week he hung out with a woman that lived there. They had great conversation, they babysat her nephew together, as the days passed they got closer and closer together. He said right from the get go he had the same conversation with her that he had with me about not being ready for a relationship.... except he left Cuba in a relationship with this woman! My heart plummets as I feel myself falling off the cliff into white, hot, searing, anger. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Who falls in love with the locals??? Everyone knows that! Everyone's looking for a Green Card out there! What the hell is the matter with this guy?? From my silence he can tell that I'm pissed right the fuck off.
He starts telling me that he doesn't know what happened. When he was here and we were together he caught himself imagining him and I together. Our closeness, my nature, my intelligence, my body, everything.. he wondered what it would be like to be involved with me but he figured he had time to figure it out when he got back.. except he didn't. He didn't expect to meet another woman and fall for her. And now he was giving me the "Good Woman" speech. I shut him right down. How dare he. He has the nerve to tell me that I'm a good woman, an amazing woman in fact and so was she but when he had to choose, he chose the woman that was a 5 hour flight away??? The amazing woman that was a half hour drive away loses but the woman that you have to get on a plane for, who comes from a place where people are almost programmed to look for Green Card suckers, and after ONE whole week, with the kind of woman he said he would NEVER be involved with... this is the woman that wins?? This is the woman that's better than me? The insult was like a kick in the face.
Snap. There goes the rope. My faith in men crumbles right here.
He was apologetic, he really was sorry, in hindsight I see that but at the time I didn't want to hear it. The anger I was feeling was so overwhelming and without ever raising my voice or swearing I tear this guy a new ass hole. Why? Because I am at DEFCON 1 and I'm about to blow! I believed in this guy. I had hoped that this would be a beginning to me restoring my faith in men. Why give the amazing woman speech? BULLSHIT guys, BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. If I'm such an amazing woman why was he taking a pass on me for a woman he met a week ago and who doesn't even live in the same fucking country. Unbelievable! I told him to keep his speech, I didn't need it. It wasn't making me feel any less insulted or betrayed. Yes betrayed. HE said nothing exclusive. HE said he wasn't ready for a long term relationship any time soon. I believed him. I agreed. I thought I had time.. but I didn't and that's why I think I felt betrayed. He robbed me of that time, time I needed to heal, to be right with men. He had also robbed me of my faith. I felt like I had been misled. The very thing that was the basis of our arrangement, the very thing he said he couldn't handle was the same thing I was being left behind for. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough. He made me feel like a fool. I know it wasn't fair for me to put my anger for all of man kind on him but I knew I couldn't handle another situation like this. I told him I couldn't, that's why this was supposed to work. We were on the same path traveling together but when we got to the cliff he pushed me off.
I can take a lot but this was a big blow to my ego especially after the last few guys. How did this happen? I tried so hard to avoid this moment. I write this blog to help men not recreate these types of moments, I'm usually the one offering advice, cheering you guys on, trying with all my might to make some other woman's life better through you guys and in turn make your lives a little easier or less dramatic but all I get back is disappointment from men no matter how hard I try to believe. And that's when She began to wake up.
Who is She? She, I think, is the real me. My inner bitch. She took over and the regular me took a backseat. We all have different sides of our personality. You know, there's the one you keep in reserve for certain family members, there's work you, party girl/guy you, gym you... all different parts of us. I have an inner bitch. Usually I keep her in check, for stereotype purposes lol, but there are times when she gets out and when she does watch out. She's not as nice with her words as I am. She doesn't care about much. She gets what she wants.She has little patience and whatever is the source of my anger becomes her main focus.. But don't worry you'll get to meet her in the next BFW Personal Mini Blog-BDSM Edition: Whips, Chains, Locks and Things.
Until I write that blog I may go back to a couple of regular articles before that one hits but stay tuned and thanks to everyone all over the world who continue to read my blog! :)
Hello to some new friends!Chào inVietnam, 안녕하세요 in South Korea, Hei in Norway, and Hej in Denmark! :)
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
Gray areas of Indiscretion with Married Men
Indiscretion and the married man.... oooooh dicey topic! lol Back in my 20's I thought I knew it all when it came to this topic. It was simple. When you're in relationship whether it's long term, engagement or marriage.. you just don't cheat. Plain and simple. Black and white.. except it's not, and as the years flew by I begrudgingly and slowly started to notice that there was this small gray area where the lines of black and white met and became blurred and I no longer had a clear answer. It's like watching the TV show Dexter! You KNOW that murder is wrong! But when Dexter kills a Pedophile or a Rapist we're the first ones with poms poms in our hands cheering him on! Wooohooo! We're actually cheering for someone to do the thing we know to be wrong even though we believe it's justice... did you see it?? That little shade of gray right where the black and white meet? Sneeky little sucker! Over the years I've found myself in situations where I've begun to understand why some men end up cheating on their wives. Do I condone it? GOD NO! I can say however, I'm not so quick to judge any more.
For some reason, the only guys that hit on me are guys that have nothing to lose lol. Married men are attracted to me like bees on honey! lol Not to mention, men with no jobs and men that live at home with their moms. Why are these guys attracted to me? The men with no jobs and the ones that live at home with mom see strength and confidence... in other words someone to take care of them. a.k.a. Their Momma lol. But married men? They see that too but they see greener grass. Here's a woman that hasn't given up on her figure. Here's a woman that sees me and not just my wallet or all the imperfections.She's not bitching at me! Here's a woman that will give me affection. Here's a woman that WANTS to fuck me. Did you guys know that most times when guys cheat on their wives they're not usually with overly stunning women. They're with normal or average looking women that give them affection. Both physical and emotional, even if it's just for an hour or two. Often men cheat because this is what they crave. That's when my line between black and white started to get blurred. I thought all these guys cheated because they were just straight up assholes. Guys that wanted more than just the cake, they had to have the pie too! Let's face it, some just like a strange new hole to fuck. I hated these guys. I swore up and down I would NEVER get involved with a married guy because karma would bitch slap me across the face and God knows my life is already like a freaking gong show when it comes to men, who the hell needed another episode of Dating Disasters - Crazy wife edition ??? lol.
Soo of course that meant I had to meet....let's call him Jeremy. Jeremy I met through Craigslist as well. I think I had thrown the fishing line out again into the Craigslist pond again for a FWB and came across Jeremy eventually. Jeremy is not my typical kinda guy. He is in great shape.. but he's hairier than i usually like and he smokes. Smoking is a big turn off for me because honestly guys, for a non-smoker it tastes disgusting. Your whole mouth tastes like nicotine not to mention your other body parts. Yup. The OTHER body parts lol... for the slower guys those are your cock and balls lol ;). Even your skin, if we lick it, we can taste the nicotine coming out of your pores. Yuck. Moving along swiftly.. Jeremy and I meet and we get to talking and I find that I really enjoy his personality. He's super intelligent, laughter and conversation comes easy so I ask a typical question when I meet a nice single guy.. " So tell me, why are you still single?" This is a sink or swim question lol. This is your time to spill the beans or desperately try to hide them lol... Remarkably, he spilled! He fessed up to being married and having four kids. Obviously right off the bat the mood changed. This is the point in time where many women get up and leave but not your dear friend the BFW lol. Curiousity and the cat?? Shoot, That's my middle name! lol.. I think it takes balls to admit to a woman you're on a date with that you have kids and a WIFE?? Jesus, that can go so many ways from a drink to the face, a slap in it's place and you standing alone looking like a sorry case lol. My first instinct was to automatically hate this guy and judge him for being a bad husband and leave... At the same token he could've been like many other assholes and told me everything I wanted to hear, screw me then leave me like most men would do but he didn't. I felt that for that level of respect I at least owed him an unbiased ear.
We talked for a long time, his story was definitely filled with twists and turns from getting pregnant and married in his early 20's to finding out his wife had been sexually assaulted when she was younger (she never got into details about it with him) to they hadn't had sex in over 6 years! 6 years???? Are you kidding me?? I could not imagine not using my God given parts for 6 YEARS!!! This is where the line gets blurred you see? You start thinking ... What would I do if this were me? I'd start looking. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I would! There's only so long you can try with a partner before you start to feel like you're a chore on a checklist! Take out the garbage, check. Do the laundry, check. Fuck my wife/husband... move to Friday nights To DO list lol. Nothing happened right away. We hung out, we chatted, we vented about life, talked about our passions, the usual stuff. One day, one thing led to the next and bada boom bada bing we got naked and jumped in the sack and it was gooooood lol. There's nothing quite like a man that's been denied sex for years. It's like giving a starving man food! You just can't give him enough and you are the best thing ever! I'm only 5'2 and that guy tossed and manhandled me in all sorts of ways.. it was awesome lol! After that, my conscience started to get in the way and I told him we had to stop the sex part because I didn't want some crazy wife or worse yet a broken hearted wife showing up on my doorstep... except the sex was really good and in a couple months he got a call back for a return engagement lol. Listen, I'm of the age now where I gotta get mine and you gotta get yours. Then there's the taboo of it all that makes it just a tiny bit more scary and exciting! The whole thing becomes more of a turn on. Sometimes lines get crossed, this was one of those times and that went on for a few weeks and then something dreadful happened.... he fell in love with me!
That my friends was when it was finally over. When I could see the look in his eyes and the words coming out his mouth... No, no and hell NO! Love was not aloud in this equation! Sex was barely even allowed let alone love. Love is emotional and emotions are messy. Sex is physical, practical, logical and gratifying. Love complicates everything. This is where I become selfish. He's married, it's not my fault if he's in unhappy marriage. It's his responsibility to get out of it. I deserve to have my own partner one day not be the other woman a man loves because he wants to "stay together for the kids". Screw that. That is when they become selfish because they're to afraid to admit it's not the kids they're worried about but themselves. They don't want to be alone but it's much easier to say it's about the kids than to admit that to themselves. Children are resilient, they will survive with separated or divorced parents but often it's the men that fall apart not the women. If anything the women look better most times lol. Shortly after that I stopped seeing him. I had crossed a line into a taboo world and walked boldly through it but returned to the real world and stepped back across the line.
Would I do it again? Hmmmm I don't know. Maybe if the circumstances and situations aligned themselves in the right way, sure. I did however, learn a lot. Until you find yourself wrapped up in the craziness and experience of infidelity, sexual denial, lack of affection coupled with desire.... no one has the right to judge. Gray areas are foggy and often it's not until we're actually put in the position that we really come to understand or bend our thinking on the topic. Until then we pick a side Black or White.. Gray is for those individuals that are experienced and have had their morals challenged and made honest decisions. I never said they were the right decisions but honest decisions often lack regret and help us gain insight to move forward and grow into wiser individuals.
Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon with my update! :)
Hello to all my new friends! Привіт in the Ukraine, はじめまして in Japan, Salam in Iran, Bonjour in France,Ni hao and Ni ho in China and Dobar den in Bulgaria!
For some reason, the only guys that hit on me are guys that have nothing to lose lol. Married men are attracted to me like bees on honey! lol Not to mention, men with no jobs and men that live at home with their moms. Why are these guys attracted to me? The men with no jobs and the ones that live at home with mom see strength and confidence... in other words someone to take care of them. a.k.a. Their Momma lol. But married men? They see that too but they see greener grass. Here's a woman that hasn't given up on her figure. Here's a woman that sees me and not just my wallet or all the imperfections.She's not bitching at me! Here's a woman that will give me affection. Here's a woman that WANTS to fuck me. Did you guys know that most times when guys cheat on their wives they're not usually with overly stunning women. They're with normal or average looking women that give them affection. Both physical and emotional, even if it's just for an hour or two. Often men cheat because this is what they crave. That's when my line between black and white started to get blurred. I thought all these guys cheated because they were just straight up assholes. Guys that wanted more than just the cake, they had to have the pie too! Let's face it, some just like a strange new hole to fuck. I hated these guys. I swore up and down I would NEVER get involved with a married guy because karma would bitch slap me across the face and God knows my life is already like a freaking gong show when it comes to men, who the hell needed another episode of Dating Disasters - Crazy wife edition ??? lol.
Soo of course that meant I had to meet....let's call him Jeremy. Jeremy I met through Craigslist as well. I think I had thrown the fishing line out again into the Craigslist pond again for a FWB and came across Jeremy eventually. Jeremy is not my typical kinda guy. He is in great shape.. but he's hairier than i usually like and he smokes. Smoking is a big turn off for me because honestly guys, for a non-smoker it tastes disgusting. Your whole mouth tastes like nicotine not to mention your other body parts. Yup. The OTHER body parts lol... for the slower guys those are your cock and balls lol ;). Even your skin, if we lick it, we can taste the nicotine coming out of your pores. Yuck. Moving along swiftly.. Jeremy and I meet and we get to talking and I find that I really enjoy his personality. He's super intelligent, laughter and conversation comes easy so I ask a typical question when I meet a nice single guy.. " So tell me, why are you still single?" This is a sink or swim question lol. This is your time to spill the beans or desperately try to hide them lol... Remarkably, he spilled! He fessed up to being married and having four kids. Obviously right off the bat the mood changed. This is the point in time where many women get up and leave but not your dear friend the BFW lol. Curiousity and the cat?? Shoot, That's my middle name! lol.. I think it takes balls to admit to a woman you're on a date with that you have kids and a WIFE?? Jesus, that can go so many ways from a drink to the face, a slap in it's place and you standing alone looking like a sorry case lol. My first instinct was to automatically hate this guy and judge him for being a bad husband and leave... At the same token he could've been like many other assholes and told me everything I wanted to hear, screw me then leave me like most men would do but he didn't. I felt that for that level of respect I at least owed him an unbiased ear.
We talked for a long time, his story was definitely filled with twists and turns from getting pregnant and married in his early 20's to finding out his wife had been sexually assaulted when she was younger (she never got into details about it with him) to they hadn't had sex in over 6 years! 6 years???? Are you kidding me?? I could not imagine not using my God given parts for 6 YEARS!!! This is where the line gets blurred you see? You start thinking ... What would I do if this were me? I'd start looking. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I would! There's only so long you can try with a partner before you start to feel like you're a chore on a checklist! Take out the garbage, check. Do the laundry, check. Fuck my wife/husband... move to Friday nights To DO list lol. Nothing happened right away. We hung out, we chatted, we vented about life, talked about our passions, the usual stuff. One day, one thing led to the next and bada boom bada bing we got naked and jumped in the sack and it was gooooood lol. There's nothing quite like a man that's been denied sex for years. It's like giving a starving man food! You just can't give him enough and you are the best thing ever! I'm only 5'2 and that guy tossed and manhandled me in all sorts of ways.. it was awesome lol! After that, my conscience started to get in the way and I told him we had to stop the sex part because I didn't want some crazy wife or worse yet a broken hearted wife showing up on my doorstep... except the sex was really good and in a couple months he got a call back for a return engagement lol. Listen, I'm of the age now where I gotta get mine and you gotta get yours. Then there's the taboo of it all that makes it just a tiny bit more scary and exciting! The whole thing becomes more of a turn on. Sometimes lines get crossed, this was one of those times and that went on for a few weeks and then something dreadful happened.... he fell in love with me!
That my friends was when it was finally over. When I could see the look in his eyes and the words coming out his mouth... No, no and hell NO! Love was not aloud in this equation! Sex was barely even allowed let alone love. Love is emotional and emotions are messy. Sex is physical, practical, logical and gratifying. Love complicates everything. This is where I become selfish. He's married, it's not my fault if he's in unhappy marriage. It's his responsibility to get out of it. I deserve to have my own partner one day not be the other woman a man loves because he wants to "stay together for the kids". Screw that. That is when they become selfish because they're to afraid to admit it's not the kids they're worried about but themselves. They don't want to be alone but it's much easier to say it's about the kids than to admit that to themselves. Children are resilient, they will survive with separated or divorced parents but often it's the men that fall apart not the women. If anything the women look better most times lol. Shortly after that I stopped seeing him. I had crossed a line into a taboo world and walked boldly through it but returned to the real world and stepped back across the line.
Would I do it again? Hmmmm I don't know. Maybe if the circumstances and situations aligned themselves in the right way, sure. I did however, learn a lot. Until you find yourself wrapped up in the craziness and experience of infidelity, sexual denial, lack of affection coupled with desire.... no one has the right to judge. Gray areas are foggy and often it's not until we're actually put in the position that we really come to understand or bend our thinking on the topic. Until then we pick a side Black or White.. Gray is for those individuals that are experienced and have had their morals challenged and made honest decisions. I never said they were the right decisions but honest decisions often lack regret and help us gain insight to move forward and grow into wiser individuals.
Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon with my update! :)
Hello to all my new friends! Привіт in the Ukraine, はじめまして in Japan, Salam in Iran, Bonjour in France,Ni hao and Ni ho in China and Dobar den in Bulgaria!
Aaaaand I'm Back!
So, I know I've been M.I.A. ( missing in action) for the last 6 months but a lot has happened! You guys know I'm big supporters of yours right? Well, I went from having faith in men, to losing my faith in men and back to my faith being mildly rekindled... I'm working on it. What can I say?? I'm almost a born again believer in men lol... almost. Don't break out the holy water aka as beer just yet!
I'd like to take a quick sec and say Guten Tag and Danke again to my audience in Germany that seems to continue to follow my blog faithfully even though I was M.I.A :).
I'm going to be typing up a few articles over the next little while so stay tuned as I get you guys caught up! :) Until then I'll post another article in a few mins.
BFW
I'd like to take a quick sec and say Guten Tag and Danke again to my audience in Germany that seems to continue to follow my blog faithfully even though I was M.I.A :).
I'm going to be typing up a few articles over the next little while so stay tuned as I get you guys caught up! :) Until then I'll post another article in a few mins.
BFW
Sunday, 2 December 2012
A Continuous Spiral...
I feel like I've been caught up in a tornado of craziness this year. This particular post isn't about dating and may be one of the very few posts that aren't but I needed to write, to express myself.Work has been overwhelmingly busy this season and it's been hard to find the time to write and post. On Thursday, I was delivered a devastating blow. My best friend died.
I have never in my life lost someone that I was close too. This was a hard first blow. He was 37, young, healthy, non-smoker. Last week he had a stomach flu type thing and was experiencing vomiting, diarrhea, dehydration and migraines. He went to the doctor and the doc said he had a Gastrointestinal Infection. Saturday night he had a seizure. He has never had one before. A friend was with him and called 911 right away and started performing CPR. Paramedics showed up and shocked his heart back to life. It took half an hour to bring him back but they did. He had a CT Scan done and everything was clear. Angiogram (to check his heart) also came back as clear. He was placed on a sedative and had a ventilator put in to help him breathe since it was so strong that it could actually sedate you so heavily your body forgets to breathe. He was looking good after his tests so they decided to slowly ween him off the sedative to bring him back so he'd wake up. Unfortunately he never did.On Tuesday, I got the call that he was not doing well. His body stopped breathing on it's own when they tried to take him off the ventilator. His brain started swelling. I went to visit him in the hospital and it was unbelievable.I was told that that was it. There was nothing more they could do. I was going into that room to say good bye to the best friend I've ever known. When I walked into that room to say what I had to say it was like being in a strange universe. All around me were other patients, in other beds, looking like death. Who were these people? So many of them old, having lived long lives. My friend did not belong here. When I saw him my heart broke. I didn't recognize him. The man that was so full of life and love was just a shell with tubes in his nose and sticking out of his mouth. His face, tongue and eyes were swollen along with his body. Computer screens beeping and buzzing all around him. I didn't recognize him, I recognized another friend sitting beside him. Everything I had to say got caught up in my throat. I bawled. It was painful to see him like that knowing that he will never recover. No hope. No answers. No one knew why he had the seizure. No one knew why as a young, healthy male he wasn't responding to treatment. Once the word got out the visitor rate was insane. People were coming from everywhere to say their good byes. A nurse said to us " I'm sorry to ask this but is he a celebrity?? I've never seen this many visitors for one patient.." . On Thursday afternoon my best friend died. I have never felt emotional pain like that before.
When people die everyone always says how special the person was. I mean you see it on the news all the time! You have no idea who these people are and although when their picture flashes on the screen and you hear things like "involved in a gang shooting" etc I don't know about you but I start to question the validity of how special that person was lol. My best friend truly was an amazing individual. He was intelligent, funny, he listened, he loved, he extended anything he had to you. He lived his life with passion, zest, and connectivity. A community builder, volunteer, Vice-Principal, Dance teacher, a friend, a son, a brother, and nephew. He was the glue that kept us all together. There was never a time he wasn't willing to make time for you. As another friend said " He was a man that loved us all as a whole but as individuals as well." This is the truest summarizing statement that embodies the essence of who he was as a person more than you will ever know.
He loved me better than any other man ever has because he accepted me as I am. He made me a better person. He helped me through my struggles and always had kind things to say to motivate me. He told me when I was wrong lol ( which is very rare by the way ;) lol) . He made me think things through. He was always patient with me and God knows I can tax a man's patience lol..He gave me the bare balls truth on everything because he knew that's what I needed to grow as a human being. I know who I am and I am not easy to love but he did anyway, effortlessly. For those of you saying " Why wasn't he your boyfriend?" ... because he was gay lol. He was my homosexual life mate lol. He accepted my crassness, blunt, loud, honest, open and challenging parts of my personality like no other person ever has. He was one the few individuals that saw what I truly was and loved me all the more.
I have learned a few things since his passing last week that I would like to share with you all.
Take Pictures. Even if you hate them. Pictures aren't for you but for the ones you love because when you're gone we only have pictures, memories and each other to hold on to to help us through our hard times.
Erase any dirty pics you have! God knows we had to get rid of tons before his mom found them on his iPhone or MACBook lol.
Celebrate Birthdays. On the day that person is born, that was the day your life changed whether you were alive or not because on that day your paths were fated to collide and whatever this person added to your life it changed you, shaped you and helped make you who you are today. If they had not been born how would their lack of influence changed your life? Celebrate their birth so you can thank them for being who they are and helping to make you who you are.
Tell their parents/family members about the impact they had on your life. This seems to make them feel better. That they brought someone into the world that touched and changed lives. It provides a bit of solace. Often, we give them our condolences but we don't give back the connection their child/family member gave to us.
Live life! I know that sounds cliche but my friend lived a short but full life. He did so much and affected SO many people! He truly seized the day lol.
With that said, I bid my best friend good-bye. I thank the friend that was with him because without him performing CPR I never would've had the opportunity to say good-bye and make peace with him. I was given a rare gift. Most people just lose their loved ones, I at least got the chance to say good-bye and wish him well with the next stage of his journey, after life or whatever happens after we're gone. Maybe he's just peeping over my shoulder as I type lol. He loved Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson and I'm sure that's why he forgot to come back, to busy dancing and having the time of his after life lol. I bet he asked Whitney " Bobbi Brown? I mean, Really??" Lol. I will miss him every day of my life for the rest of my life but he taught me many invaluable lessons and I will continue them and learn from how he lived life so that maybe one day I will touch as many souls as he has. XOXOXO Dre. I will always love you. I can't believe I have to say good-bye.
I have never in my life lost someone that I was close too. This was a hard first blow. He was 37, young, healthy, non-smoker. Last week he had a stomach flu type thing and was experiencing vomiting, diarrhea, dehydration and migraines. He went to the doctor and the doc said he had a Gastrointestinal Infection. Saturday night he had a seizure. He has never had one before. A friend was with him and called 911 right away and started performing CPR. Paramedics showed up and shocked his heart back to life. It took half an hour to bring him back but they did. He had a CT Scan done and everything was clear. Angiogram (to check his heart) also came back as clear. He was placed on a sedative and had a ventilator put in to help him breathe since it was so strong that it could actually sedate you so heavily your body forgets to breathe. He was looking good after his tests so they decided to slowly ween him off the sedative to bring him back so he'd wake up. Unfortunately he never did.On Tuesday, I got the call that he was not doing well. His body stopped breathing on it's own when they tried to take him off the ventilator. His brain started swelling. I went to visit him in the hospital and it was unbelievable.I was told that that was it. There was nothing more they could do. I was going into that room to say good bye to the best friend I've ever known. When I walked into that room to say what I had to say it was like being in a strange universe. All around me were other patients, in other beds, looking like death. Who were these people? So many of them old, having lived long lives. My friend did not belong here. When I saw him my heart broke. I didn't recognize him. The man that was so full of life and love was just a shell with tubes in his nose and sticking out of his mouth. His face, tongue and eyes were swollen along with his body. Computer screens beeping and buzzing all around him. I didn't recognize him, I recognized another friend sitting beside him. Everything I had to say got caught up in my throat. I bawled. It was painful to see him like that knowing that he will never recover. No hope. No answers. No one knew why he had the seizure. No one knew why as a young, healthy male he wasn't responding to treatment. Once the word got out the visitor rate was insane. People were coming from everywhere to say their good byes. A nurse said to us " I'm sorry to ask this but is he a celebrity?? I've never seen this many visitors for one patient.." . On Thursday afternoon my best friend died. I have never felt emotional pain like that before.
When people die everyone always says how special the person was. I mean you see it on the news all the time! You have no idea who these people are and although when their picture flashes on the screen and you hear things like "involved in a gang shooting" etc I don't know about you but I start to question the validity of how special that person was lol. My best friend truly was an amazing individual. He was intelligent, funny, he listened, he loved, he extended anything he had to you. He lived his life with passion, zest, and connectivity. A community builder, volunteer, Vice-Principal, Dance teacher, a friend, a son, a brother, and nephew. He was the glue that kept us all together. There was never a time he wasn't willing to make time for you. As another friend said " He was a man that loved us all as a whole but as individuals as well." This is the truest summarizing statement that embodies the essence of who he was as a person more than you will ever know.
He loved me better than any other man ever has because he accepted me as I am. He made me a better person. He helped me through my struggles and always had kind things to say to motivate me. He told me when I was wrong lol ( which is very rare by the way ;) lol) . He made me think things through. He was always patient with me and God knows I can tax a man's patience lol..He gave me the bare balls truth on everything because he knew that's what I needed to grow as a human being. I know who I am and I am not easy to love but he did anyway, effortlessly. For those of you saying " Why wasn't he your boyfriend?" ... because he was gay lol. He was my homosexual life mate lol. He accepted my crassness, blunt, loud, honest, open and challenging parts of my personality like no other person ever has. He was one the few individuals that saw what I truly was and loved me all the more.
I have learned a few things since his passing last week that I would like to share with you all.
Take Pictures. Even if you hate them. Pictures aren't for you but for the ones you love because when you're gone we only have pictures, memories and each other to hold on to to help us through our hard times.
Erase any dirty pics you have! God knows we had to get rid of tons before his mom found them on his iPhone or MACBook lol.
Celebrate Birthdays. On the day that person is born, that was the day your life changed whether you were alive or not because on that day your paths were fated to collide and whatever this person added to your life it changed you, shaped you and helped make you who you are today. If they had not been born how would their lack of influence changed your life? Celebrate their birth so you can thank them for being who they are and helping to make you who you are.
Tell their parents/family members about the impact they had on your life. This seems to make them feel better. That they brought someone into the world that touched and changed lives. It provides a bit of solace. Often, we give them our condolences but we don't give back the connection their child/family member gave to us.
Live life! I know that sounds cliche but my friend lived a short but full life. He did so much and affected SO many people! He truly seized the day lol.
With that said, I bid my best friend good-bye. I thank the friend that was with him because without him performing CPR I never would've had the opportunity to say good-bye and make peace with him. I was given a rare gift. Most people just lose their loved ones, I at least got the chance to say good-bye and wish him well with the next stage of his journey, after life or whatever happens after we're gone. Maybe he's just peeping over my shoulder as I type lol. He loved Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson and I'm sure that's why he forgot to come back, to busy dancing and having the time of his after life lol. I bet he asked Whitney " Bobbi Brown? I mean, Really??" Lol. I will miss him every day of my life for the rest of my life but he taught me many invaluable lessons and I will continue them and learn from how he lived life so that maybe one day I will touch as many souls as he has. XOXOXO Dre. I will always love you. I can't believe I have to say good-bye.
Monday, 29 October 2012
BFW: Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Eyes Wide Open Part 3
In order to understand this blog please read the following previous blogs:
Being a Gentleman a.k.a. The Mysterious Oompa Loompa
BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Possible Oompa Loompa Sighting Part 1
BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Here Comes The Crazy Train Part 2
First of all, I'd like to thank everyone that's taken the time to read my blog :) .. even more so, I'd like to thank those of you that know me and were concerned enough to check up on me! Big Hugs! That was the Barney portion of the blog... Is Barney still around btw?? lol.
Aaand she's back! The crazy train has left the building and I'm back! Woohoo! So over this last week I had some new developments.Firstly, I've asked some guys for feedback in terms of what they thought about the blog. All of them were on the same page in terms of liking the blog and what I had to say. Although they all couldn't believe I got fooled, they were all in full agreement that I needed to get laid lol.. Surprise surprise. Because that's a man's prescription for everything lol.. Lost a foot? You need to get laid! Stomach hurting you? You need to get laid! Got something in your eye? You need to get laid! Tired of being pregnant? You need to get laid! ( Actually that one is true! ) Lol.. If only the worlds problems could be solved with sex lol.
One guys comments triggered some self reflection though. I asked four different guys from four different walks of life for their opinion. The only thing they have in common is that they are male. With the guy we're talking about let's call him Greg. I met Greg through Craigslist once upon a time ago when I posted an ad looking for a fwb. We've never actually met but we've messaged here and there over months. At first he said he liked it. I had warned him that it was an angry blog and after reading it he agreed. He said he liked it but it was just one woman's opinion. The second part of that statement triggered some yellow flags. For me this was a passive aggressive signal so I wanted to hear what was the truth because that's what I'm after. If I ask for someone's opinion, give it to me. The good with the bad. Don't tell me what you THINK I want to hear. The other guys on the panel know this and I've told this guy more than once but he was still with the passive aggressiveness... until I pushed him. I said I was going to stop asking for his opinion because he didn't really get me. Oh boy! That pushed him right over the edge. He said I needed to stop analyzing everything! Lol... ummm this is the point of asking for feedback! So that you can analyze it and make it better! I'm not asking for a pat on the back! I want to know if I'm heading in the right direction with this blog. After that I got a slew of messages saying I'm self-righteous, entitled, insecure, I over think a lot, my recent experiences have left me doubting myself.. it's very palpable, my thinking came from the 50's, I live in a land of make believe, I don't read, I don't listen, I'm annoying, not to smart ( his exact words were " I can't believe you didn't know you were getting played!") and that he "doesn't like girls that think they should be put on a pedestal cause they have a vagina.". Apparently he thinks that I think I deserve to be treated like a princess.. talk about not reading! Guys, I said that was what made those three weeks great! He made me FEEL special. and that he treated me like a princess not that I deserved to be treated like one. I deserve respect. And anything I expect I give in return. Well at least I finally got some honesty out of him! lmao.. After a while I say I'm going to stop now because you're pissed and this conversation isn't getting better. You seem to think I'm a terrible person and I can't change that." He said " I don't think you're terrible at all. I think you can get really annoying because you don't listen or read. You just want to get your point across." Ummm... Does anyone else see how this statement is contradictory? I'm not a terrible person in his eyes but I'm entitled, self-righteous... etc? Lol God help me, if that's not a terrible person what is in this guys book?? I did ask and he failed to comment. The devil must look like an angel in his books too! Lol.
Shortly thereafter, I asked the other guys to read the article and give me their honest feedback. Now these guys know me much better. They get my vision for this blog so they don't mind the questions and they give me hardcore truth and reality.. politely and maturely... Because we're adults. Mature adults. I quickly came to realize that this guy and his opinions were all on his own. The other guys didn't make the same comments. The only thing they said they weren't wild about was seeing me exact any kind of revenge on the other guy, Paul. They all thought I should let it go. As for Greg, they along with myself, think my articles may have hit a sensitive nerve so the guy lashed out at me. Meh. If the other guys were on board with his thinking this would cause me to sit back and reflect because that is not the person I am and that is not who I would like to be perceived as so what I had to figure out was if his assessment of me was accurate or not. Having talked to the other guys I believe that his assessment was inaccurate. I hit a nerve with Greg which is unfortunate because he's actually quite intelligent but obviously not a big fan of mine lol. Ah well, what can you do? Like I said I'm not made for everybody. I'm a tough cookie. I'm hard to handle and I know it. The good part is as hard as I might be to handle I'll always have a friend's back. I'm trustworthy, I'm honest, I'm loyal, I have a good heart and I'm one of few hard ass women that's willing to give you guys a bird's eye view into a woman's mind. Tough as shit as we are, we still have a soft spot in some places here and there. Even a strong woman is not perfect or invincible. I let you guys see my vulnerability because I want you to understand that as much as I am a strong woman, even when I get knocked down, I have to get back up. Sometimes it takes a little longer but I will get back up and continue on my little journey. But don't mistake my vulnerability for weakness or insecurity. Because this is the side you don't see. You don't get to see our hurt, our pain, our anger because we are resilient and we wear fabulous designer masks! Lol
So what happened with Paul? A month has passed since that last conversation where he asked me to be his girlfriend then disappeared. It took me 3 weeks before I could write that last article because I was SO pissed off. Most people think it's because I really liked the guy. More than I should have. But that wasn't it. If you guys really read the article it was because of the utter lack of respect. The common denominator in all my articles. If he had just said something I would've been fine. Maybe a little disappointed but definitely not anywhere near Crazy Mode.
I'm talking to my Ex/Friend ( yes, a man and woman that were involved but are now friends! Shocking right??! lol). We've been Ex's for over 10 yrs, let's call him Xavier lol. We're talking about this last post and I am just venting! I'm mad at men, I'm mad at the world ARRRRGGHH! Lol Poor guy but he's a good guy for listening to me :) . Anyway right in the middle of us talking my other line beeps! I'm thinking WTF? It's 1am.. who's calling me now? I look at the phone and isn't it... Paul??! W. T. F. That was a shocker! I tell Xavier who it is and he gets all excited! He wants me to answer it. As much as I want to, I refuse. Xavier says "See how you women say you're not into games but you're playing games now." I explained myself. Guys, at 1 am you have no business calling me. If you want to speak to me you can call me at a respectable time especially when you know you're in the wrong. Secondly, I was in a pissed off state so how do you guys think that conversation would go down?? Not very well right? Xavier understood where I was coming from right then and there.Talking to a woman while she's at the height of being pissed is dangerous to your health lol. If he was serious he could call me tomorrow.
The message light started flashing. Xavier got excited again he wanted me to check it and call him right back.. you guys love drama more than women sometimes lmao ;) . While trying to retrieve the message Paul calls back so I can't answer the message! Sally ( that's my phone's name) starts asking me "Are you still there??" And I'm like "Hell ya i'm still here!" lol I have to wait until it stops ringing. When I pick up the message it's club noise. Just the one message though even though he called twice...
I eventually can't contain myself anymore and send the following message later on. " Are you serious? You're pocket dialing me from a club? At least your phone has the balls to attempt to say something... Twice." Almost immediately I get the following text messages " I'm sorry" "I'm with Shane West from Nikita and Jackie from Bold and the Beautiful." Lol Like I give a fuck??! " How are you?" "I'm at cinema" .. Are you guys ready? Here comes my favorite part... "I was in Greece for a month and forgot my phone here." "You don't want to talk to me anymore?" OMG. Can I tell you when I read these messages most of my anger dissolved because I realized two things. 1. He really was just an asshole in sheep's clothing and 2. He realized that whatever girl he was currently dating he wasn't to wild about so he's trying to hop back onto my train. If he was happy with the other girl I would've never heard from him again... so now he's starting to doubt his choice! How so? Because he took the time to think up a lie and lying requires much more energy than the truth and you'd only do it if you were trying to get back what you lost because you believe or are worried they won't accept the truth.I swear I just gave birth to a child because I feel 10 pounds lighter! Who needs Jenny Craig??! Faaaabu!
Now guys, I have already said, I'm a fair woman because I am. My reply was " If you're really sorry call me one of these days and we'll meet up somewhere to talk. I'm not making any promises but I can at least say I'll hear you out." I believe in trying to give some people the benefit of the doubt... not to mention at this point I want to hear if the lying will continue or will he grow a pair of balls.. like his iPhone did ;) lol .. Btw, in hindsight, I believe he called and not his pocket. Why? He was to quick to reply after my first message. When you pocket dial from a club most times it's hours later plus a hangover when you realize people are messaging you that you pocket dialed them at whatever time in the morning lol.
The next morning I message him to say " So were those real or drunk texts last night?" He says " Let me call you when I get over this crazy hang over. Shane West is a crazy mother fucker!!!" I tell him I'll be available after 10 pm. Listen guys at that point I had work then plans afterward. I'm not stopping or interrupting my plans for this guy so if he's serious he can call me after 10pm. 10 pm came and went no call. I called and left the following message. " With a last name like yours, one that signifies courage and bravery it's unfortunate that you don't have any. You have the last name but you don't embody it and that's unfortunate and shameful. That your iPhone has more balls than you do is quite telling. I'm disappointed not only in you but in myself for believing in you. Our last date (mystery dinner theatre) when I was the only one at the whole table to figure out who the murderer was, should have been an indication that I have a few more brain cells than the average woman you're used to dating. And then you come with an excuse like, I was in Greece and forgot my phone here?? In the age of communication you couldn't find a WiFi, a laptop, an email address or at the very least email through the dating site we met on? Come on, it's been over a month, even you can't be that dense. It's sad and pathetic and I don't need it or you. Have a nice life and don't call me again." When he pocket dialed me again conveniently at 1am again ( his phone has an interesting habit of ignoring me for a whole month and then all of a sudden I get pocket dialed only at 1 am! Go figure! :-s lol) I sent a message the next day saying " Hi Paul... please delete my number. The pocket dialing is unnecessary. Thanks." That's the end of that.
To finish off this Tale of Wonder and Horror lol, I want to share a quote with you and summarize. " If you can recognize illusion as illusion, it dissolves. The recognition of illusion is also it's ending. It's survival depends on your mistaking it for reality. In the seeing of who you are not, the reality of who you are emerges by itself." Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth. I promised one of the guys I'd read it.. still reading lol. This is a very powerful quote because it was so true. Let's face it, I got duped. Probably because I wanted to believe. I want to believe in you guys. I've always supported and defended men. Here I am still trying to offer help, advice, insight.. a laugh lol.. whatever it is that you get from this blog. In my line of work I see the men I describe and they're married but because of them, I know these types of men exist, they're just rare. I see the joy that these women have because of the man in their lives. The point is I saw an illusion for 3 weeks. Later I recognized the illusion. And when I did, it ended and his real self emerged. I saw what he was and I refused to be fooled any longer. I took control of the situation and let him know he lost. Does he give a crap? I don't care. I am absolved. This was about him being an ass and not me being unworthy. I care that I saved myself and I know what I am. I am a kick ass woman.
As usual, I appreciate any feedback, opinions, thoughts... as long as they're expressed maturely :-) Have a Happy Halloween! And once again, Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands and Hello to my UK friends!! :D Add me on Facebook at Bf Whisperer.. :)
Back to my usual blogging...
Being a Gentleman a.k.a. The Mysterious Oompa Loompa
BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Possible Oompa Loompa Sighting Part 1
BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Here Comes The Crazy Train Part 2
First of all, I'd like to thank everyone that's taken the time to read my blog :) .. even more so, I'd like to thank those of you that know me and were concerned enough to check up on me! Big Hugs! That was the Barney portion of the blog... Is Barney still around btw?? lol.
Aaand she's back! The crazy train has left the building and I'm back! Woohoo! So over this last week I had some new developments.Firstly, I've asked some guys for feedback in terms of what they thought about the blog. All of them were on the same page in terms of liking the blog and what I had to say. Although they all couldn't believe I got fooled, they were all in full agreement that I needed to get laid lol.. Surprise surprise. Because that's a man's prescription for everything lol.. Lost a foot? You need to get laid! Stomach hurting you? You need to get laid! Got something in your eye? You need to get laid! Tired of being pregnant? You need to get laid! ( Actually that one is true! ) Lol.. If only the worlds problems could be solved with sex lol.
One guys comments triggered some self reflection though. I asked four different guys from four different walks of life for their opinion. The only thing they have in common is that they are male. With the guy we're talking about let's call him Greg. I met Greg through Craigslist once upon a time ago when I posted an ad looking for a fwb. We've never actually met but we've messaged here and there over months. At first he said he liked it. I had warned him that it was an angry blog and after reading it he agreed. He said he liked it but it was just one woman's opinion. The second part of that statement triggered some yellow flags. For me this was a passive aggressive signal so I wanted to hear what was the truth because that's what I'm after. If I ask for someone's opinion, give it to me. The good with the bad. Don't tell me what you THINK I want to hear. The other guys on the panel know this and I've told this guy more than once but he was still with the passive aggressiveness... until I pushed him. I said I was going to stop asking for his opinion because he didn't really get me. Oh boy! That pushed him right over the edge. He said I needed to stop analyzing everything! Lol... ummm this is the point of asking for feedback! So that you can analyze it and make it better! I'm not asking for a pat on the back! I want to know if I'm heading in the right direction with this blog. After that I got a slew of messages saying I'm self-righteous, entitled, insecure, I over think a lot, my recent experiences have left me doubting myself.. it's very palpable, my thinking came from the 50's, I live in a land of make believe, I don't read, I don't listen, I'm annoying, not to smart ( his exact words were " I can't believe you didn't know you were getting played!") and that he "doesn't like girls that think they should be put on a pedestal cause they have a vagina.". Apparently he thinks that I think I deserve to be treated like a princess.. talk about not reading! Guys, I said that was what made those three weeks great! He made me FEEL special. and that he treated me like a princess not that I deserved to be treated like one. I deserve respect. And anything I expect I give in return. Well at least I finally got some honesty out of him! lmao.. After a while I say I'm going to stop now because you're pissed and this conversation isn't getting better. You seem to think I'm a terrible person and I can't change that." He said " I don't think you're terrible at all. I think you can get really annoying because you don't listen or read. You just want to get your point across." Ummm... Does anyone else see how this statement is contradictory? I'm not a terrible person in his eyes but I'm entitled, self-righteous... etc? Lol God help me, if that's not a terrible person what is in this guys book?? I did ask and he failed to comment. The devil must look like an angel in his books too! Lol.
Shortly thereafter, I asked the other guys to read the article and give me their honest feedback. Now these guys know me much better. They get my vision for this blog so they don't mind the questions and they give me hardcore truth and reality.. politely and maturely... Because we're adults. Mature adults. I quickly came to realize that this guy and his opinions were all on his own. The other guys didn't make the same comments. The only thing they said they weren't wild about was seeing me exact any kind of revenge on the other guy, Paul. They all thought I should let it go. As for Greg, they along with myself, think my articles may have hit a sensitive nerve so the guy lashed out at me. Meh. If the other guys were on board with his thinking this would cause me to sit back and reflect because that is not the person I am and that is not who I would like to be perceived as so what I had to figure out was if his assessment of me was accurate or not. Having talked to the other guys I believe that his assessment was inaccurate. I hit a nerve with Greg which is unfortunate because he's actually quite intelligent but obviously not a big fan of mine lol. Ah well, what can you do? Like I said I'm not made for everybody. I'm a tough cookie. I'm hard to handle and I know it. The good part is as hard as I might be to handle I'll always have a friend's back. I'm trustworthy, I'm honest, I'm loyal, I have a good heart and I'm one of few hard ass women that's willing to give you guys a bird's eye view into a woman's mind. Tough as shit as we are, we still have a soft spot in some places here and there. Even a strong woman is not perfect or invincible. I let you guys see my vulnerability because I want you to understand that as much as I am a strong woman, even when I get knocked down, I have to get back up. Sometimes it takes a little longer but I will get back up and continue on my little journey. But don't mistake my vulnerability for weakness or insecurity. Because this is the side you don't see. You don't get to see our hurt, our pain, our anger because we are resilient and we wear fabulous designer masks! Lol
So what happened with Paul? A month has passed since that last conversation where he asked me to be his girlfriend then disappeared. It took me 3 weeks before I could write that last article because I was SO pissed off. Most people think it's because I really liked the guy. More than I should have. But that wasn't it. If you guys really read the article it was because of the utter lack of respect. The common denominator in all my articles. If he had just said something I would've been fine. Maybe a little disappointed but definitely not anywhere near Crazy Mode.
I'm talking to my Ex/Friend ( yes, a man and woman that were involved but are now friends! Shocking right??! lol). We've been Ex's for over 10 yrs, let's call him Xavier lol. We're talking about this last post and I am just venting! I'm mad at men, I'm mad at the world ARRRRGGHH! Lol Poor guy but he's a good guy for listening to me :) . Anyway right in the middle of us talking my other line beeps! I'm thinking WTF? It's 1am.. who's calling me now? I look at the phone and isn't it... Paul??! W. T. F. That was a shocker! I tell Xavier who it is and he gets all excited! He wants me to answer it. As much as I want to, I refuse. Xavier says "See how you women say you're not into games but you're playing games now." I explained myself. Guys, at 1 am you have no business calling me. If you want to speak to me you can call me at a respectable time especially when you know you're in the wrong. Secondly, I was in a pissed off state so how do you guys think that conversation would go down?? Not very well right? Xavier understood where I was coming from right then and there.Talking to a woman while she's at the height of being pissed is dangerous to your health lol. If he was serious he could call me tomorrow.
The message light started flashing. Xavier got excited again he wanted me to check it and call him right back.. you guys love drama more than women sometimes lmao ;) . While trying to retrieve the message Paul calls back so I can't answer the message! Sally ( that's my phone's name) starts asking me "Are you still there??" And I'm like "Hell ya i'm still here!" lol I have to wait until it stops ringing. When I pick up the message it's club noise. Just the one message though even though he called twice...
I eventually can't contain myself anymore and send the following message later on. " Are you serious? You're pocket dialing me from a club? At least your phone has the balls to attempt to say something... Twice." Almost immediately I get the following text messages " I'm sorry" "I'm with Shane West from Nikita and Jackie from Bold and the Beautiful." Lol Like I give a fuck??! " How are you?" "I'm at cinema" .. Are you guys ready? Here comes my favorite part... "I was in Greece for a month and forgot my phone here." "You don't want to talk to me anymore?" OMG. Can I tell you when I read these messages most of my anger dissolved because I realized two things. 1. He really was just an asshole in sheep's clothing and 2. He realized that whatever girl he was currently dating he wasn't to wild about so he's trying to hop back onto my train. If he was happy with the other girl I would've never heard from him again... so now he's starting to doubt his choice! How so? Because he took the time to think up a lie and lying requires much more energy than the truth and you'd only do it if you were trying to get back what you lost because you believe or are worried they won't accept the truth.I swear I just gave birth to a child because I feel 10 pounds lighter! Who needs Jenny Craig??! Faaaabu!
Now guys, I have already said, I'm a fair woman because I am. My reply was " If you're really sorry call me one of these days and we'll meet up somewhere to talk. I'm not making any promises but I can at least say I'll hear you out." I believe in trying to give some people the benefit of the doubt... not to mention at this point I want to hear if the lying will continue or will he grow a pair of balls.. like his iPhone did ;) lol .. Btw, in hindsight, I believe he called and not his pocket. Why? He was to quick to reply after my first message. When you pocket dial from a club most times it's hours later plus a hangover when you realize people are messaging you that you pocket dialed them at whatever time in the morning lol.
The next morning I message him to say " So were those real or drunk texts last night?" He says " Let me call you when I get over this crazy hang over. Shane West is a crazy mother fucker!!!" I tell him I'll be available after 10 pm. Listen guys at that point I had work then plans afterward. I'm not stopping or interrupting my plans for this guy so if he's serious he can call me after 10pm. 10 pm came and went no call. I called and left the following message. " With a last name like yours, one that signifies courage and bravery it's unfortunate that you don't have any. You have the last name but you don't embody it and that's unfortunate and shameful. That your iPhone has more balls than you do is quite telling. I'm disappointed not only in you but in myself for believing in you. Our last date (mystery dinner theatre) when I was the only one at the whole table to figure out who the murderer was, should have been an indication that I have a few more brain cells than the average woman you're used to dating. And then you come with an excuse like, I was in Greece and forgot my phone here?? In the age of communication you couldn't find a WiFi, a laptop, an email address or at the very least email through the dating site we met on? Come on, it's been over a month, even you can't be that dense. It's sad and pathetic and I don't need it or you. Have a nice life and don't call me again." When he pocket dialed me again conveniently at 1am again ( his phone has an interesting habit of ignoring me for a whole month and then all of a sudden I get pocket dialed only at 1 am! Go figure! :-s lol) I sent a message the next day saying " Hi Paul... please delete my number. The pocket dialing is unnecessary. Thanks." That's the end of that.
To finish off this Tale of Wonder and Horror lol, I want to share a quote with you and summarize. " If you can recognize illusion as illusion, it dissolves. The recognition of illusion is also it's ending. It's survival depends on your mistaking it for reality. In the seeing of who you are not, the reality of who you are emerges by itself." Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth. I promised one of the guys I'd read it.. still reading lol. This is a very powerful quote because it was so true. Let's face it, I got duped. Probably because I wanted to believe. I want to believe in you guys. I've always supported and defended men. Here I am still trying to offer help, advice, insight.. a laugh lol.. whatever it is that you get from this blog. In my line of work I see the men I describe and they're married but because of them, I know these types of men exist, they're just rare. I see the joy that these women have because of the man in their lives. The point is I saw an illusion for 3 weeks. Later I recognized the illusion. And when I did, it ended and his real self emerged. I saw what he was and I refused to be fooled any longer. I took control of the situation and let him know he lost. Does he give a crap? I don't care. I am absolved. This was about him being an ass and not me being unworthy. I care that I saved myself and I know what I am. I am a kick ass woman.
As usual, I appreciate any feedback, opinions, thoughts... as long as they're expressed maturely :-) Have a Happy Halloween! And once again, Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands and Hello to my UK friends!! :D Add me on Facebook at Bf Whisperer.. :)
Back to my usual blogging...
Wednesday, 24 October 2012
BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Here Comes The Crazy Train Part 2
In order to understand this post please read:
Being a Gentleman a.k.a. The Mysterious Oompa Loompa
BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Possible Oompa Loompa Part 1.
I've had a few people inquiring about my possible Oompa Loompa sighting. They want to know what happened. In order to explain what happened I need to start with what I call The Women's 5 Shades of Crazy. Basically, as a woman, speaking honestly.. I believe every woman is at least one shade of crazy lol. Here's the Craz-o-meter:
Shade1. To Cute Crazy : This is the woman that rarely gets angry but when she does you can't help but laugh or think "Awww she's sooo cute!" and the more you laugh the angrier she gets and either looks or sounds more and more like a cartoon character lol. This shade is harmless unless provoked to Shade 2 or higher.
Shade 2. Provoked Crazy: This woman is usually fairly normal, sane, rational until... you do something to provoke her crazy side. Usually, it entails lying, cheating, stealing, betrayal etc. When you've committed one or more of these acts you send her into a rage. A rage where she goes from normal to Tasmanian Devil the minute she finds out about whatever crime you committed against her lol. God help you...
Shade 3. 50/50 Crazy: This chic is like a walking oxymoron! One minute she says she wants you to call her next thing she's telling you " You're always calling me!" Or that she's independent, she can pay her own way but can you pay half her rent? :-s Or that she likes when you're affectionate but says " You're smothering me!" Lol this woman can't make up her mind! 50% of the time she wants something and then the other 50% she spends accusing you of over compensating. You constantly feel pulled in different directions and you're never sure what she wants! It's maddening! lol.
Shade 4. Sneek-Up-On-You Crazy: Most of you have had at least ONE girlfriend like this. For months this woman was perfect! You have nothing to complain about. Everyone compliments you and tells you how lucky you are to have her. Then one day, she snaps and it's like you're talking to a whole other person! Maybe you said you didn't want to meet her parents, maybe the buddy she hates crashed on your couch and wiped his dirty mouth in her guest towels or maybe you chose the superbowl over listening to her day or possibly you didn't appreciate something she went out of her way to do for you... whatever you did she broke and became Psycho Reborn! You no longer recognize her and you want your perfect girlfriend back because this one's scary! The crazy just snuck up on you and hit you in the face like a bitch slap! POW!
Shade 5. Psycho:This chic is full on mental. After the first couple of dates she's got you looking at rings and talking about baby names! She's the one that automatically assumes you're cheating on her because you didn't answer your phone.. while you were at work.. in a meeting.. with co-workers.. and leaves 20 crazy messages about how she's gonna mail you your balls. Crazy. Full fledged. 100%. These girls need a skull and crossed bones tattooed across their foreheads :DANGER! Hazardous to your health!
That brings us back to me. Why did we need to go through the 5 Shades of crazy? Because I'm a number 2 on the scale... which means I have to be provoked into my crazy. So you ask " BFW, What pray tell would provoke you into craziness? You're such a sweet and innocent woman??!" I know right??! ;-) lol Well here's what happened...
In my previous article about him we called Paul. Paul and I dated for 3 weeks and gentlemen I honestly can't complain about those 3 weeks. He did everything I outlined in my Dating Do's . He opened doors, arrived on time, listened to me, chose great restaurants, paid the bill, walked me to my door etc.. I mean he really treated me like a princess! If he said he'd call or text, without fail, he did it! It gave me a sense of calm and security, it made me feel special because I appreciate all the little things like that. I don't need expensive jewelry or designer bags. I am a woman though so if you give them to me I won't say No lol .. but that's not what I'm there for. I'm there for the connection the companionship, the fun, the laughter, the romance and let's face it, some good fucking sex! So "What went wrong, you ask?" You guys tell me because I'd love to hear your opinion and thoughts on this.
For 3 weeks, as I said, everything was good. In our last conversation he called me on his way home from work and he told me about a great guy and his wife that he met on site. He said that they had invited him and his girlfriend to come over for dinner. We were talking like usual... the kind you do after work to catch up on each others day so it was a nice light vibe. I jokingly said to him " Don't forget to tell your girlfriend she got invited to dinner! lol" He laughed and said "I am telling her!" I said " Is that really how you think of me?" And he said " Yea but I didn't want to offend you." I said " why would that be offensive? That's more of a compliment!" After that we continued talking like normal until he had gotten home and was heading to bed.That was the last I heard of him. I sent a couple messages the next day, no reply. I called, no answer. I left a couple of voice mails, nothing... here comes the crazy. I'm gonna break this down for you guys so you really understand what we go through.
Step 1. Panic and worry. We start to wonder if you're ok. Did you have a family emergency? Did you get into an accident? Are you passed out in a hospital somewhere??? Worry and Panic start to set in. It's unfathomable to us that you would just drop off the face of the earth and stop talking to us for no reason. We're mature adults so at the very least the guy will say something if he's ditching you right?WRONG.
Step 2. Blame. Again we don't always stop and think first " Maybe this guy's an asshole".. Instead we think " Was it something I said? Did I do something wrong??" We internalize and inflict doubt on ourselves thinking and rethinking about every little thing that happened the last time we spoke or saw each other as well as over the time span we were dating trying to figure out what in God's name is wrong with us! Because of course it has to be us and not him right??!
Step 3. Reality. Things start clicking and falling into place sometimes crashing. You start remembering little things that set off yellow flags but not so alarming as to set off the red flags in our minds.
Step 4. Realization and Coming to terms. At this point you start realizing he's not sick, hurt or dead. He's an ass that has ditched you and that leads you to....
Step 5. Rage. You're ready to tear this guy's life apart! Whatever he loves you want to rip it from him, destroy it and leave him holding the pieces...You want to inflict on him the hurt he inflicted on you.. And enjoy every second of it which leads you to..
Step 6. Crazy Mode. The wheels start turning and she starts devising plans, strategies or just a basic list of anything she can think of to cause you utter humiliation/embarrassment/ pain/loss ... anything that will rip that smug little smile off the face you want to beat the crap out of lol... are you starting to hear the crazy talking?? lol
I worried about the guy! At first I thought "What if he's sick, comatose or dead?!" but then I realized his phone is still getting charged each day. I wonder, what if it was because of me?? Was it something I said or did? Automatically I start blaming myself. Why else would a guy just leave me like that unless something was wrong with me? After a while I start thinking back to the little things. His online profile had private images instead of readily available images. We always went out in my area, although in all fairness when I asked about this he said it was closer to go somewhere around my area than his since he would pick me up from my place. Fair enough since he lived about a half hour drive from my place but it did raise a yellow flag. Also there were a couple times he said he was talking to me from home but was he? How do I know? They were very brief conversations as it was usually before bed time. He called often from work but that I can tell was true based on his career choice. Reality sets in.The guy that gave me everything I wanted in a man, dumped me. Without a word. Without a call. Like I was nothing but trash. That hurt and I realize what an asshole this guy is! I was worried about him! I had started to blame myself for a man that was a coward! He didn't even have the decency to say he didn't want to see me anymore! Pathetic fucking piece of shit jerk. I. Am. Pissed! I am going to make this guys life, a hell hole.
Using methods I chose not to disclose ( C'mon, I can't give away all our secrets ;-) lol) I found out where he lives and when I'm not as insanely busy with work, I'm going to have a little stake out and see what's happening. I am a very patient woman. I will leave this guy alone for months feeling like he got off Scott free! Easy peasy! He tricked another bitch and he's laughing his ass off thinking he's the shit... until I bring his world crashing down. I will Fuck. Up. His.Shit. Believe me when I say that will be part 3 of this story. Muwhahahahahaha! LOL! All Abroad! Here comes the crazy train!! lol
The ironic thing is... all he had to say was " I'm sorry I just don't think we're on the same page" or " I'm sorry, I have a wife and a kid and I didn't expect to connect to anyone." or SOMETHING!! For cripes sake guys! I just went out on date with a guy last Saturday and had to tell him " I think you're a nice guy, I enjoyed meeting you but I don't find you sexually attractive." He was fat.. It's just not my thing. If it works for you, rock it! I'm a firm believer but it didn't work for me. Just like my slimness or petite size doesn't work for others! It is what it is... the truth. And that's ok. It's better than pulling a disappearing act on the person. If he had said something I would've just walked away. Like I've said before, I don't chase men that don't want me. Simple as that. I do fuck up men that don't respect me though.
Here's how this feels: Think of something you dream of.. Let's say a Lamborghini or a Porche or something. One day someone walks up to you and gives you the keys to a brand spanking new car and tells you it's yours! Holy shit you've hit the jackpot! At first you don't dare to believe it's yours. The guys coming back for it any minute but you'll enjoy the ride while you can! Then those couple of days turn into a week and you're thinking "Is this really mine? Nahhh no way!" Another week goes by and now you're kinda getting used to the feeling of the car.. every time you walk out the front door and see it, it puts a smile on your face! Another week passes and now you're entirely enjoying the car. The guy that gave you the keys is totally gone from your mind! This baby is yours!! Then one day you get up, leave the house but the driveway is empty! WTF??! The car is gone. Not a scrap left to even say it was there! Was it real? You know you left it riiiight there ... How do you feel right now? Fuckin shitty right? Ya. That's what it feels like. Like you lost something great. Until you realize the guy was a fucking asshole for telling you it was yours then taking it back without even saying a word to you! Don't you just want to beat the crap out of this guy?? That feeling right there is what drives women into crazy mode... pun intended lol.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I left out the part where he fucked me and took off right? Nope. We never had sex. We fooled around a bit within the 3 weeks but still spoke after that but no sex at all... So now what do you guys have to say?? Talk to me! I want to hear some thoughts, opinions, be honest but mature about what you have to say. I can take honesty but I can't stand disrespect... and for those of you that say " Ok BFW but is it really worth it to mess with the guy like that? Why not just leave it alone and move on? Will it really make you feel better?" Fair questions and to that I say YES!!! It will make me feel better.. It IS worth it. I won't leave it alone because I'm so sick and tired of men always doing this women. I'm tired of their cowardly ways. I'm tired of them bragging to the boys about how they just dropped a girl and they're moving on to the next one to do the same thing. I'm so tired of the lack of respect men in general have for women. It's frustrating and angering and I want to teach this bastard a lesson... Men rape, beat, kill, stab, abuse, abort women, wives, mothers, sisters, girlfriends, babies... What have we ever done to you guys to be treated so poorly? How often do women rape, beat, kill, stab, abuse or abort men? Think about it. I'm just tired of it plain and simple. This asshole is about to lose his shit.
Stay tuned for Part 3... I promise the crazy wears off after a while lol. Like a perfume ;-)
Thanks for continuing to come back and make my blog more popular! Please feel free to post to pass my link on to friends or post on Facebook! :) I appreciate your continued interest and as always I'm open to thoughts, comments and suggestions :-) Until my next blog... Have a good one! :-)
Being a Gentleman a.k.a. The Mysterious Oompa Loompa
BFW Personal Mini Blog Trilogy: Possible Oompa Loompa Part 1.
I've had a few people inquiring about my possible Oompa Loompa sighting. They want to know what happened. In order to explain what happened I need to start with what I call The Women's 5 Shades of Crazy. Basically, as a woman, speaking honestly.. I believe every woman is at least one shade of crazy lol. Here's the Craz-o-meter:
Shade1. To Cute Crazy : This is the woman that rarely gets angry but when she does you can't help but laugh or think "Awww she's sooo cute!" and the more you laugh the angrier she gets and either looks or sounds more and more like a cartoon character lol. This shade is harmless unless provoked to Shade 2 or higher.
Shade 2. Provoked Crazy: This woman is usually fairly normal, sane, rational until... you do something to provoke her crazy side. Usually, it entails lying, cheating, stealing, betrayal etc. When you've committed one or more of these acts you send her into a rage. A rage where she goes from normal to Tasmanian Devil the minute she finds out about whatever crime you committed against her lol. God help you...
Shade 3. 50/50 Crazy: This chic is like a walking oxymoron! One minute she says she wants you to call her next thing she's telling you " You're always calling me!" Or that she's independent, she can pay her own way but can you pay half her rent? :-s Or that she likes when you're affectionate but says " You're smothering me!" Lol this woman can't make up her mind! 50% of the time she wants something and then the other 50% she spends accusing you of over compensating. You constantly feel pulled in different directions and you're never sure what she wants! It's maddening! lol.
Shade 4. Sneek-Up-On-You Crazy: Most of you have had at least ONE girlfriend like this. For months this woman was perfect! You have nothing to complain about. Everyone compliments you and tells you how lucky you are to have her. Then one day, she snaps and it's like you're talking to a whole other person! Maybe you said you didn't want to meet her parents, maybe the buddy she hates crashed on your couch and wiped his dirty mouth in her guest towels or maybe you chose the superbowl over listening to her day or possibly you didn't appreciate something she went out of her way to do for you... whatever you did she broke and became Psycho Reborn! You no longer recognize her and you want your perfect girlfriend back because this one's scary! The crazy just snuck up on you and hit you in the face like a bitch slap! POW!
Shade 5. Psycho:This chic is full on mental. After the first couple of dates she's got you looking at rings and talking about baby names! She's the one that automatically assumes you're cheating on her because you didn't answer your phone.. while you were at work.. in a meeting.. with co-workers.. and leaves 20 crazy messages about how she's gonna mail you your balls. Crazy. Full fledged. 100%. These girls need a skull and crossed bones tattooed across their foreheads :DANGER! Hazardous to your health!
That brings us back to me. Why did we need to go through the 5 Shades of crazy? Because I'm a number 2 on the scale... which means I have to be provoked into my crazy. So you ask " BFW, What pray tell would provoke you into craziness? You're such a sweet and innocent woman??!" I know right??! ;-) lol Well here's what happened...
In my previous article about him we called Paul. Paul and I dated for 3 weeks and gentlemen I honestly can't complain about those 3 weeks. He did everything I outlined in my Dating Do's . He opened doors, arrived on time, listened to me, chose great restaurants, paid the bill, walked me to my door etc.. I mean he really treated me like a princess! If he said he'd call or text, without fail, he did it! It gave me a sense of calm and security, it made me feel special because I appreciate all the little things like that. I don't need expensive jewelry or designer bags. I am a woman though so if you give them to me I won't say No lol .. but that's not what I'm there for. I'm there for the connection the companionship, the fun, the laughter, the romance and let's face it, some good fucking sex! So "What went wrong, you ask?" You guys tell me because I'd love to hear your opinion and thoughts on this.
For 3 weeks, as I said, everything was good. In our last conversation he called me on his way home from work and he told me about a great guy and his wife that he met on site. He said that they had invited him and his girlfriend to come over for dinner. We were talking like usual... the kind you do after work to catch up on each others day so it was a nice light vibe. I jokingly said to him " Don't forget to tell your girlfriend she got invited to dinner! lol" He laughed and said "I am telling her!" I said " Is that really how you think of me?" And he said " Yea but I didn't want to offend you." I said " why would that be offensive? That's more of a compliment!" After that we continued talking like normal until he had gotten home and was heading to bed.That was the last I heard of him. I sent a couple messages the next day, no reply. I called, no answer. I left a couple of voice mails, nothing... here comes the crazy. I'm gonna break this down for you guys so you really understand what we go through.
Step 1. Panic and worry. We start to wonder if you're ok. Did you have a family emergency? Did you get into an accident? Are you passed out in a hospital somewhere??? Worry and Panic start to set in. It's unfathomable to us that you would just drop off the face of the earth and stop talking to us for no reason. We're mature adults so at the very least the guy will say something if he's ditching you right?WRONG.
Step 2. Blame. Again we don't always stop and think first " Maybe this guy's an asshole".. Instead we think " Was it something I said? Did I do something wrong??" We internalize and inflict doubt on ourselves thinking and rethinking about every little thing that happened the last time we spoke or saw each other as well as over the time span we were dating trying to figure out what in God's name is wrong with us! Because of course it has to be us and not him right??!
Step 3. Reality. Things start clicking and falling into place sometimes crashing. You start remembering little things that set off yellow flags but not so alarming as to set off the red flags in our minds.
Step 4. Realization and Coming to terms. At this point you start realizing he's not sick, hurt or dead. He's an ass that has ditched you and that leads you to....
Step 5. Rage. You're ready to tear this guy's life apart! Whatever he loves you want to rip it from him, destroy it and leave him holding the pieces...You want to inflict on him the hurt he inflicted on you.. And enjoy every second of it which leads you to..
Step 6. Crazy Mode. The wheels start turning and she starts devising plans, strategies or just a basic list of anything she can think of to cause you utter humiliation/embarrassment/ pain/loss ... anything that will rip that smug little smile off the face you want to beat the crap out of lol... are you starting to hear the crazy talking?? lol
I worried about the guy! At first I thought "What if he's sick, comatose or dead?!" but then I realized his phone is still getting charged each day. I wonder, what if it was because of me?? Was it something I said or did? Automatically I start blaming myself. Why else would a guy just leave me like that unless something was wrong with me? After a while I start thinking back to the little things. His online profile had private images instead of readily available images. We always went out in my area, although in all fairness when I asked about this he said it was closer to go somewhere around my area than his since he would pick me up from my place. Fair enough since he lived about a half hour drive from my place but it did raise a yellow flag. Also there were a couple times he said he was talking to me from home but was he? How do I know? They were very brief conversations as it was usually before bed time. He called often from work but that I can tell was true based on his career choice. Reality sets in.The guy that gave me everything I wanted in a man, dumped me. Without a word. Without a call. Like I was nothing but trash. That hurt and I realize what an asshole this guy is! I was worried about him! I had started to blame myself for a man that was a coward! He didn't even have the decency to say he didn't want to see me anymore! Pathetic fucking piece of shit jerk. I. Am. Pissed! I am going to make this guys life, a hell hole.
Using methods I chose not to disclose ( C'mon, I can't give away all our secrets ;-) lol) I found out where he lives and when I'm not as insanely busy with work, I'm going to have a little stake out and see what's happening. I am a very patient woman. I will leave this guy alone for months feeling like he got off Scott free! Easy peasy! He tricked another bitch and he's laughing his ass off thinking he's the shit... until I bring his world crashing down. I will Fuck. Up. His.Shit. Believe me when I say that will be part 3 of this story. Muwhahahahahaha! LOL! All Abroad! Here comes the crazy train!! lol
The ironic thing is... all he had to say was " I'm sorry I just don't think we're on the same page" or " I'm sorry, I have a wife and a kid and I didn't expect to connect to anyone." or SOMETHING!! For cripes sake guys! I just went out on date with a guy last Saturday and had to tell him " I think you're a nice guy, I enjoyed meeting you but I don't find you sexually attractive." He was fat.. It's just not my thing. If it works for you, rock it! I'm a firm believer but it didn't work for me. Just like my slimness or petite size doesn't work for others! It is what it is... the truth. And that's ok. It's better than pulling a disappearing act on the person. If he had said something I would've just walked away. Like I've said before, I don't chase men that don't want me. Simple as that. I do fuck up men that don't respect me though.
Here's how this feels: Think of something you dream of.. Let's say a Lamborghini or a Porche or something. One day someone walks up to you and gives you the keys to a brand spanking new car and tells you it's yours! Holy shit you've hit the jackpot! At first you don't dare to believe it's yours. The guys coming back for it any minute but you'll enjoy the ride while you can! Then those couple of days turn into a week and you're thinking "Is this really mine? Nahhh no way!" Another week goes by and now you're kinda getting used to the feeling of the car.. every time you walk out the front door and see it, it puts a smile on your face! Another week passes and now you're entirely enjoying the car. The guy that gave you the keys is totally gone from your mind! This baby is yours!! Then one day you get up, leave the house but the driveway is empty! WTF??! The car is gone. Not a scrap left to even say it was there! Was it real? You know you left it riiiight there ... How do you feel right now? Fuckin shitty right? Ya. That's what it feels like. Like you lost something great. Until you realize the guy was a fucking asshole for telling you it was yours then taking it back without even saying a word to you! Don't you just want to beat the crap out of this guy?? That feeling right there is what drives women into crazy mode... pun intended lol.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I left out the part where he fucked me and took off right? Nope. We never had sex. We fooled around a bit within the 3 weeks but still spoke after that but no sex at all... So now what do you guys have to say?? Talk to me! I want to hear some thoughts, opinions, be honest but mature about what you have to say. I can take honesty but I can't stand disrespect... and for those of you that say " Ok BFW but is it really worth it to mess with the guy like that? Why not just leave it alone and move on? Will it really make you feel better?" Fair questions and to that I say YES!!! It will make me feel better.. It IS worth it. I won't leave it alone because I'm so sick and tired of men always doing this women. I'm tired of their cowardly ways. I'm tired of them bragging to the boys about how they just dropped a girl and they're moving on to the next one to do the same thing. I'm so tired of the lack of respect men in general have for women. It's frustrating and angering and I want to teach this bastard a lesson... Men rape, beat, kill, stab, abuse, abort women, wives, mothers, sisters, girlfriends, babies... What have we ever done to you guys to be treated so poorly? How often do women rape, beat, kill, stab, abuse or abort men? Think about it. I'm just tired of it plain and simple. This asshole is about to lose his shit.
Stay tuned for Part 3... I promise the crazy wears off after a while lol. Like a perfume ;-)
Thanks for continuing to come back and make my blog more popular! Please feel free to post to pass my link on to friends or post on Facebook! :) I appreciate your continued interest and as always I'm open to thoughts, comments and suggestions :-) Until my next blog... Have a good one! :-)
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