Ahhh first date! Excitement, fun, curiosity, our minds wander all over the place! What will tonight be about and how will it end? You're really hoping things go well. So you pick up the lady, head out on your date but as the night goes on the date doesn't go well. Later you take her home and you're wondering WTF happened and then you never hear from her again?? Has this ever happened to you? Lol well if it has, you've probably committed some dating infraction that you weren't aware of.
Mini Story: One of my worst dates was a really nice guy that was super
smart, spoke 5 languages, helped kids in Africa .. I mean we're talking on
the verge of Sainthood here! lol. I met him online but when I met him in
person he was still super smart and sweet but about 50-60 lbs heavier
than he said he was and looked like a mess. Just from the oily, greasy, disheveled look his hair had it was in bad need of a wash and cut. His
beard was what looked to be an untrimmed bird's nest made of facial hair
that had pieces of food in it. I swear I was expecting a squirrel to pop
up any minute now! He had a food stain on his shirt. His nails had dirt
underneath them.Coffee stain on the khaki's and old man loafer's for
shoes. So you're probably thinking I took off on him right?? Wrong! I didn't, I
stuck it out and went for a coffee with him but I did tell him he
wasn't my type. He is a classic example for this article because he
must've been wondering WTF because he doesn't realize his lack of
hygiene was a real turn off! To many dating infractions committed and that was his first and last date with me.
I therefore title this blog: First Date Do's and Don'ts
So Let's start with the DO's :
1. Show up on time!! If you're running late don't just show up, call or text. This shows responsibility and awareness of other peoples time. Some people are real sticklers for time and lateness makes them feel like you don't appreciate their time as being just as important as yours.
2. Compliment her! Women go through extraordinary measures to prepare
for a date! lol They do their hair, make up, sometimes buy a whole new
outfit, shoes etc.. When you don't notice that puts a damper on things.
Every woman wants to feel beautiful. That's why she goes through all
that madness! She wants to look good for herself but she also wants YOU to think she looks beautiful. And don't be
creepy about it! Saying you love her feet instead of her shoes.... Eww! big
no no. Saying her ass looks PHAT in those jeans big no no. Saying you
like her top as you eye rape her cleavage... big no no. lol. Keep it
simple. "Wow, you look really beautiful!" Or "You look stunning ". Keep
the compliment about the whole package if possible instead of zeroing in
on a particular feature or body part. Lowers the creep factor increases the gentleman factor ;) .
3. Show some sense of chivalry! This doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call but women are often impressed in this day and age if you remember to open her car door, open the door to a restaurant, pull out her seat, pay the bill, walk her to her door etc. I'm not saying you have to do all of them but the more you do the more she pays attention. It's the gentleman's way!
4. Wear clean clothes and be hygenic! I can't believe I have to say that but I do. I have been on a few dates where guys show up with stains on their clothes, dirty shoes, unwashed hair, beards that look like they contain nests etc. Dress appropriately. Make sure everything is clean, pressed or at the very least not wrinkled ( looking like you crawled out of a laundry basket isn't cool either lol). Whatever your style is have some pride in your appearance and look good whether it's a good date or not at least you look hot ;) . Trust me, she sees every little thing.
5. Pay the bill guys! Again, I can't believe I have to say that but I do. So you're thinking, why do I always have to put up for the bill right? Simple this is just part of being a man from a woman's perspective. It shows her you have some decent upbringing when it comes to treating a woman like a lady and that you're not cheap. Here's the thing. Women like me, have careers, pay rent/mortgage/bills etc on our own so if we're going to have a man in our life is that a need or a want? That's a want. She doesn't need you to pay the bill she can pay it herself but when you pay it shows you're displaying old school gentleman qualities and a lot of women really like that. I've been out on dates where the guy will order all this stuff to eat then ask me to pay half the bill! I'm a small eater. Kid's meals fill me up so when a guy does that I never say a word. I always come with money, I pay half then I find my own way home and he never hears from me again. Ever. Erase delete, he's done. Cheapness is inexcusable to a lot of women. Does that mean we'll never pay?? No... but definitely further down the line.
6. Have little to no expectations. At the end of the date, politely put your date in the car, walk her to her doorstep ( for fear of bad people hiding in the shadows! lol), give her a QUICK hug and or kiss and call it a night! I know, I know!!! But you wanna get laid!!! lol If she has any intentions of screwing you... she'll invite you in herself. Some women need time others need hrs. If you feel like just because you paid for dinner she owes you something ( think again!) she'll sense that and be prepared with an excuse in no time however if you give her a quick hug/kiss and leave, it tells her you're interested but you're not expecting her to give you sex for a meal which earns serious points in her book! At that point she may invite you in OR she may not because she's a good a girl and wants to wait to see if you're serious. Both ways leave her with a good impression providing the date went well.
7. Make sure she gets in safely. Always watch her walk through the front door. If she lives in an apartment make sure you see her get in the elevator and she calls or messages you when she's through the front door. A man that's concerned for a woman's safety? Big bonus points. Most guys sulk away and don't pay attention to this little detail. When a guy's concerned for our safety that sets off a primal instinct. "This guy wants to protect me, he cares about my safety." Most women like feeling protected and safe. It's one of those things men can provide which can make a big difference. I once had a woman say to me that if the guy drove off before she got through the door it was an extreme turn off. When I asked why she said it was because he didn't care to see her in safely. She took that as selfishness. Even if the date doesn't go well, be mature and still walk her to the door. At least you can end the night being a gentleman which is more than a lot of other men can say.
On to the DON'Ts... ( and guys, this is not meant to be insulting or offensive to anyone you. Just honest, straightforward and helpful because chances are if you know you've done any of these things then no one's taken the time to be honest and tell you. That's what I'm here for :) )
1. ...Curse or use of vulgar language. It's one of those unnecessary things that some men do on dates. It sounds ignorant, unintelligent and aggressive. It can become an instant turn off and signal possible excessive aggression to a woman. Try to keep the language clean and the conversation flowing.
2. ...Spend all your time talking about yourself. When you're on a date you have to remember it takes two people to be on the date so conversation should be a two way street in terms of learning about each other and not just her learning about you or vice versa. I have actually timed some guys as to how long they can spend talking about themselves without ever asking a question about me! It's unbelievable how long a guy can talk about himself without thinking twice about it! It's such a turn off. And sometimes when the man actually does ask a question about me, often he'll cut me off and redirect the conversation back to himself! He does that simply to say he tried to ask questions about her but if you ask him what he's learned about her, he can't say much of anything because he's spent the evening talking about how wonderful he is, what a great catch he is ( his mom, sisters and female friends ask him why he's still single all the time - Um seriously?!) and how successfully he is and what a nice ride he has blah blah blah.. I'm usually bored enough by this point to create an imaginary phone call or just plain tell him we're not right for each other. I drop my money on the table and I'm out.
3. ...Get to touchy feely. Gentlemen, no matter how long it's been since you've gotten laid, please don't manhandle your dates. Nothing says "Run" to us like a guy with sticky hands. Usually appropriate touching could be classified as a brief touch on the small of her back as a hostess leads you to your table, brief touches while laughing on the hand or arm. Inappropriate usually falls in the line of lingering touches anywhere unless encouraged or anywhere around the breasts/cleavage and anything below the waist and above knees. Best way to gauge this is by her reaction. If she stiffens or shows any signs of discomfort, your touch regardless of where it is, is making her uncomfortable.
4. ...Check other women out during the date. When you're on a date with a woman try to keep eye contact with her instead of checking out the other women around you. When you do it shows that you're paying attention to her, listening to her. When you're not it shows that you're not interested, that you'd rather be on a date or in bed with that woman than the one that's in front of you and even if that's the case it's just plain rude to show it. She might as well call you ugly, tell you about your bad teeth/breath or that she thinks you're lacking some equipment in front of your pants.. yet she doesn't because it's just plain rude lol! And don't think you guys have us fooled with the sly looks you think we can't see because trust me we've noticed we just aren't saying anything. This is how you create jealousy in a woman.. avoid avoid avoid!!!
5. ...Pick up phone calls or texts. Nothing says rude like you picking up calls and returning text messages throughout a date. Focus. This woman is here, everyone else can wait a couple of hours. The only person you should be calling is a babysitter or a child if you have one. And it's polite to give that warning early in the date. A reasonable woman respects and admires the fact that you want to check in and stay in contact with your child. An unreasonable one doesn't. If she shows any signs of being jealous or upset that you're calling your child - abort that date asap! That is an early warning sign that she doesn't want to share you and when you're a parent that's a non-negotiable rule.
6. ...Bring up the Ex. This is a conversation for later. IF it has to come up keep it brief don't dwell on it. Your date with this woman has nothing to do with the last one.Learn from your mistakes but don't hold future women accountable for what your ex did to you. If your ex cheated on you ( that sucks, I know what that's like) it doesn't mean that this woman will. Give her the benefit of the doubt along with a clean slate. There's nothing like being in the shadow of the ex. If you're not over her don't start dating to get over her because it doesn't work. You're just using that woman as a distraction which makes you no better than your ex. Tidy up life and your feelings for your ex BEFORE you start dating again.
7. ...Say you'll call when you have no intention of calling. Keep your word! If you say you're going to do something, DO IT. If you know that you have no intention of calling the woman back or seeing her again don't tell her that you will! Again this creates craziness in some women because you lead them to believe things are good, everything's ok and then you just drop them. It's confusing so what does the woman do?? She starts calling, texting, emailing looking like a psychopath when all she really wants is an answer. If you wait to long then finally give her an answer of course she'll be pissed and ready to tear your head off! Be honest. At the end of the night simply say " It was nice meeting you, have a good evening." Walk her to her door ;) Done. End of story. If she asks about calling or going out on another date simply and gently tell her you don't feel that there's a connection. Most women may not like it but they'll understand it and it allows them to move on from you without invoking the crazy in them! If you do plan on seeing her again and say you'll call/text/email tomorrow, DO IT! Not the day after but the day you said. Keeping your word shows maturity and builds trust. Sometimes you can't but be straightforward. Call ( not text or email) it's more personal this way and say " My meeting's running late at work, I won't be able to make dinner tonight, i'm sorry. Can I make it up to you tomorrow night?" or something to that effect based on your circumstance. This is still trustworthy and shows maturity, respect for her time and a genuine continued interest in her. Stuff happens and we can be understanding if you communicate and talk to us.
First dates are about first impressions and getting to know each other. Stirring interests, excitement, butterflies in your stomach, curiosity and new possibilities. This is the time to start new and fresh and to be open to a new person that may be able to add something to your life :). These Do's and Don'ts aren't etched in stone lol. They're simply a guide based on my own personal experience as well as similar common complaints I hear from other women. The difference is they just don't tell you whereas I, your BFWhisperer will ;) .
I hope this blog was helpful and as always I'm open to questions comments! On a side note, I've noticed I have a strong following in these countries so I'd like to say: Allo and Guten Tag to my German friends, Zdravstvuj to my Russian friends, and Hallo to my friends in the Netherlands! Thanks for reading and I hope you've found my posts helpful and at the very least entertaining!
Stay tuned for my next post :)...
