I feel like I've been caught up in a tornado of craziness this year. This particular post isn't about dating and may be one of the very few posts that aren't but I needed to write, to express myself.Work has been overwhelmingly busy this season and it's been hard to find the time to write and post. On Thursday, I was delivered a devastating blow. My best friend died.
I have never in my life lost someone that I was close too. This was a hard first blow. He was 37, young, healthy, non-smoker. Last week he had a stomach flu type thing and was experiencing vomiting, diarrhea, dehydration and migraines. He went to the doctor and the doc said he had a Gastrointestinal Infection. Saturday night he had a seizure. He has never had one before. A friend was with him and called 911 right away and started performing CPR. Paramedics showed up and shocked his heart back to life. It took half an hour to bring him back but they did. He had a CT Scan done and everything was clear. Angiogram (to check his heart) also came back as clear. He was placed on a sedative and had a ventilator put in to help him breathe since it was so strong that it could actually sedate you so heavily your body forgets to breathe. He was looking good after his tests so they decided to slowly ween him off the sedative to bring him back so he'd wake up. Unfortunately he never did.On Tuesday, I got the call that he was not doing well. His body stopped breathing on it's own when they tried to take him off the ventilator. His brain started swelling. I went to visit him in the hospital and it was unbelievable.I was told that that was it. There was nothing more they could do. I was going into that room to say good bye to the best friend I've ever known. When I walked into that room to say what I had to say it was like being in a strange universe. All around me were other patients, in other beds, looking like death. Who were these people? So many of them old, having lived long lives. My friend did not belong here. When I saw him my heart broke. I didn't recognize him. The man that was so full of life and love was just a shell with tubes in his nose and sticking out of his mouth. His face, tongue and eyes were swollen along with his body. Computer screens beeping and buzzing all around him. I didn't recognize him, I recognized another friend sitting beside him. Everything I had to say got caught up in my throat. I bawled. It was painful to see him like that knowing that he will never recover. No hope. No answers. No one knew why he had the seizure. No one knew why as a young, healthy male he wasn't responding to treatment. Once the word got out the visitor rate was insane. People were coming from everywhere to say their good byes. A nurse said to us " I'm sorry to ask this but is he a celebrity?? I've never seen this many visitors for one patient.." . On Thursday afternoon my best friend died. I have never felt emotional pain like that before.
When people die everyone always says how special the person was. I mean you see it on the news all the time! You have no idea who these people are and although when their picture flashes on the screen and you hear things like "involved in a gang shooting" etc I don't know about you but I start to question the validity of how special that person was lol. My best friend truly was an amazing individual. He was intelligent, funny, he listened, he loved, he extended anything he had to you. He lived his life with passion, zest, and connectivity. A community builder, volunteer, Vice-Principal, Dance teacher, a friend, a son, a brother, and nephew. He was the glue that kept us all together. There was never a time he wasn't willing to make time for you. As another friend said " He was a man that loved us all as a whole but as individuals as well." This is the truest summarizing statement that embodies the essence of who he was as a person more than you will ever know.
He loved me better than any other man ever has because he accepted me as I am. He made me a better person. He helped me through my struggles and always had kind things to say to motivate me. He told me when I was wrong lol ( which is very rare by the way ;) lol) . He made me think things through. He was always patient with me and God knows I can tax a man's patience lol..He gave me the bare balls truth on everything because he knew that's what I needed to grow as a human being. I know who I am and I am not easy to love but he did anyway, effortlessly. For those of you saying " Why wasn't he your boyfriend?" ... because he was gay lol. He was my homosexual life mate lol. He accepted my crassness, blunt, loud, honest, open and challenging parts of my personality like no other person ever has. He was one the few individuals that saw what I truly was and loved me all the more.
I have learned a few things since his passing last week that I would like to share with you all.
Take Pictures. Even if you hate them. Pictures aren't for you but for the ones you love because when you're gone we only have pictures, memories and each other to hold on to to help us through our hard times.
Erase any dirty pics you have! God knows we had to get rid of tons before his mom found them on his iPhone or MACBook lol.
Celebrate Birthdays. On the day that person is born, that was the day your life changed whether you were alive or not because on that day your paths were fated to collide and whatever this person added to your life it changed you, shaped you and helped make you who you are today. If they had not been born how would their lack of influence changed your life? Celebrate their birth so you can thank them for being who they are and helping to make you who you are.
Tell their parents/family members about the impact they had on your life. This seems to make them feel better. That they brought someone into the world that touched and changed lives. It provides a bit of solace. Often, we give them our condolences but we don't give back the connection their child/family member gave to us.
Live life! I know that sounds cliche but my friend lived a short but full life. He did so much and affected SO many people! He truly seized the day lol.
With that said, I bid my best friend good-bye. I thank the friend that was with him because without him performing CPR I never would've had the opportunity to say good-bye and make peace with him. I was given a rare gift. Most people just lose their loved ones, I at least got the chance to say good-bye and wish him well with the next stage of his journey, after life or whatever happens after we're gone. Maybe he's just peeping over my shoulder as I type lol. He loved Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson and I'm sure that's why he forgot to come back, to busy dancing and having the time of his after life lol. I bet he asked Whitney " Bobbi Brown? I mean, Really??" Lol. I will miss him every day of my life for the rest of my life but he taught me many invaluable lessons and I will continue them and learn from how he lived life so that maybe one day I will touch as many souls as he has. XOXOXO Dre. I will always love you. I can't believe I have to say good-bye.
